Who am I?
I stare into the mirror,
trying to find an answer
that'll satisfy my curiosity.
I'm left baffled, just wondering
what I spent my life working for.
These days I act like an Ouroboros,
always repeating the very action
that continues to eat away at me.
One day I will be unrecognizable
and there will be nothing left to see.
I live a life that does the opposite of growth.
What will the new world look like?
How will I feel in different skin?
Could I get a new beginning?
How bright will the sun be?
I want my eyes to shine again.
I finally understand
the smoker isn't looking to heal,
just to **** what's stuck inside.
I've always wondered why they do it. Maybe I get it a little more now.
Hope is so warmly cruel.
It would hold up a lamp in my fiery heart,
And light up my lonely universe.
Being a noble fool that I am,
I exchange my vernal sunshine for the frosty moonlight.
Born to struggle, struggle to live.
Existing for seemingly no reason,
I've been swimming in circles
in this pool for far too long.
I notice these marks on my back
and I see those words of slander
imprinted all over on my wall.
There's far too many arrows
flooding the sky
and I'm only one man
yet they expect me to rise
in the worst of circumstances.
I couldn't have ever imagined
how hard it's become to breathe.
My hands tremble,
my chest struggles
to keep this war tucked inside.
I can't meet all these expectations,
I should've stayed asleep this morning.
Everything you want to hear
is sitting at the tip of my tongue,
every word another shovel's worth of dirt
burying everything hiding in my lungs.
These bright colors on my shirt
look better on me than I expected.
Maybe wearing my feelings on my sleeve
was my first mistake of the mountain,
so let's exchange these greys for a rainbow.
To deceive you, I've gotta pull all the stops.
Give you everything I don't got,
I'll oversaturate my soul.
A poem of someone who hides their soul.
It's hard to take a "mental health day"
when there's a shortage of stop signs
and no way to pause the game.
I've been told to think brighter thoughts
but how could I begin to do that
when these dark clouds follow me?
They're always stated so matter of fact,
but your affirmations feel like lies.
It's hard enough to admit
that I need to take some extra time
because it puts me in a place of weakness
and I can't stand those pitiful looks I make.
The truth is I need much longer than a day
to sort out all of the tangles deep inside.