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 Mar 2013 Renee Ransom
Kevin Eli
Ashes to ashes and dust to dust. Time flows, just like wind, water and our blood inside of us. Just let it go.
sometimes
a beautiful girl
is only beautiful
until she opens her **** mouth,
stupidity is this generation's plague
Pop culture died off
but media executives
were pretty attached to that horse
and they have one hell of a swinging arm
they got their bats, paddles, batons, and fists
and they really let that horse have it
breaking bones and crushed organs
a pool of blood held by gravity
rests lazily in a bloated stomach
and after the melee is all over with
all we are left with
are shoes and reality t.v. shows
what an achievement
 Mar 2013 Renee Ransom
Damaged
Parents are supposed to build their children up.
So why are you tearing me down?
Parents are supposed to bandage the scrapes and cuts.
So why are you the one creating the scars?
Parents are supposed to calm their children down when they are upset.
So why am I more upset when you are around?
Parents are supposed to calm your fears.
So why am I more afraid when you are around?
Every time you open your mouth, another part of me breaks.
   I broke when you called me a freak.
      I broke when you told everyone; and made a joke out of me.
         I broke when you took my childhood away.
            I broke when you told me I'd never be good enough.
               I broke when you told me you gave up on me.
                  I broke when you told me I was a disappointment.
                     I break every day when you scream.
                        I break every time you don't say goodnight to me.
                           I break everytime I think of our relationship,
                              it breaks me because it shouldn't be this way.
I have met wonderful people
People who have shown me the secrets they know about how a life should be lived
And everyone’s got their own answers
To face the tests that come from each day of living
I have shown these people my solutions as well
But God passed a different exam to each person
Testing their will power, questioning their faith
And on the outside you can see the small struggles I’m facing
But a greater battle is waging beneath my thick flesh
I hide the fight I face each day
From the wandering eyes of strangers
And even some familiar faces may never see the darker side in me
Time and time again I deny the entirety of my existence
But as my bones lay exposed
And people see what I’m made of
Will they too deny that I exist?
Hearts beating close together, separated only by flesh.
He stares at her, he's speechless, he can hardly believe his eyes.
She's perfect, she's all he ever wanted, and she finally agreed.
She said yes, she said yes, she said yes.

Fifteen years pass, no one would recognize them anymore.
He is distant, cold, secluded in his thoughts,
She is never home.
Look into their past and a story unwinds,
One of betrayal and heartbreak.
As her line of lovers grew ever longer,
His collection of empty bottles expanded.
He never left her, she never left him,
But always the hateful words flew.
Their love that once burned brighter than the stars
Glows dimly like the dying embers of a flame.
What could have happened in such short time
To change a love so pure?

Now he sits in his chair, where he always is,
Awaiting his beloved to return from the latest motel room.
His vision is blurry and he can hardly think
As he throws the next bottle to the floor.
He turns his head slowly, and there on the table,
The medications no one ever took.
He lifts his hand slowly, screws open the lid,
Swallows the pills one by one.
He washes them down with the last of his Guiness,
Then sits back and waits for the end.

She comes home, a quarter to two, smelling of stale smoke.
She walks right past him, doesn't even flinch,
Picks up the phone and makes the call.
The ambulance arrives,
She doesn't even cry,
She packs up her things as they leave.
Open the car door, drive away until the sun rises,
Drive farther still.
Arrive in California to start a new life,
Leaving everything, including her memories, behind.
Forgive me if I neglect you.

I am trying to clear my head.

I don’t despise you.

My reason is I can’t continue suffering. They’ve moved on. Why can’t I?

It’s been over a year. Imprinted in time, your ashes kept alive.
Your body is placed to rest, your loved ones living a lie.
I kept busy, kept myself in denial
so that I could live in comfort and peace

Then reality struck me like a brick wall
and I fell down, weeping for my loss.

I replaced grieving with regret.
Committed acts I never imagined let set

Months progressed, I have repaired,
Repressed the memory to forget -
Only to have it come back around with a stronger hit.

I want you to know I have always cared about you.
I…I wish I could have been a better person,
but I pulled away, and you left the world without warning.

To this present day,
more than a year since I laid my eyes on
the body resting in calm repose,
my heart continues to ache immensely.

I assure myself I must go on. I need to let go.
Just promise me you’ll remember me.

Your passing has me living under a dark cloud;
please forgive me if I forget you right now.
Written about my sister who passed away March 5th, 2012.
I'm clinging constantly to consciousness
For some reason tonight it seems like I can't
Seem to shake that feeling like
The world is all falling apart
While I am wasting away my life
Seconds thundering in my mind
Like droplets from a broken pipe
The roof caves in from water damage...

All I do these days is work, does that sound about right?
Am I hitting a little too close to home here for those of us who can't sleep at night?
I stress until my tears are shed until my eyes are bled until my lungs are dead
People around us are turning to thieves day after day, taking countries by storm
Hopping trains, eight-week vacations, nine hundred thousand dollar sensations!
It's aching, it's agonizingly tiring and ironic because my mind is still screaming
Full speed ahead, she said, the book read, but I still fell sore into my cold bed
Because I can't convince myself to stop caring, but I just can't summon what it takes to be angry anymore.

As our founding fathers said before us,
"Nothing's gonna change my world."
My depression has stages, as everyone's does,
First is the need to cling to someone,
The need for human touch,
For a hug, a pat on the shoulder, an arm around me.
Next is the claustrophobia,
The cringing whenever someone touches me,
Especially someone close.
Finally is the exhaustion,
The need to sleep for eternity,
Feeling like a dragon, wishing to sleep for centuries.
Then it's over, I'm content, even happy,
But only for a little while until the stages start again.
 Mar 2013 Renee Ransom
Toro
Walking down the path of righteousness,
I see the obstacles in my way.
Take each stride as the other precedes it,
As the chains rattle to my side.
Seen as the darkness that clouds the earth,
Being led to the side of light.
These thoughts run through my mind,
Memories of all those I’ve lost.
Those fallen to the same fate as mine,
Guiltless of the crime at hand.
Taken from us for no reason at all,
Torn from life, through fire.
The ropes clench around my body,
My breaths begin to slow.
Looking down I see sticks at my feet,
The crowd grows silent.
A masked man walks with a torch,
Slowly heading my way.
The seconds turn to minutes,
Minutes to hours.
The flame grows, as it gets closer,
My time is at an end.
Sparks fly as the sticks catch fire,
Smoke fills the air.
It begins getting hard to breathe,
Screams fail to escape.
Feeling the fire touching my skin,
Feel the agonizing pain.
The first feeling felt in years,
The end is finally near.
I shake my head and smile,
I’ll be free from it all.
Free from the trials of this life,
Looking up to the sky.
Take my final breath, close my eyes,
Soon consumed by the flame.
Flames begin to calm as nothing remains,
Ashes to ashes they say.
My body turned from dust to dust,
This is how it must be.
As the embers slowly begin to die out,
The memory of me fades…
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