We are escaping. One, two, three, four of us. We are escaping from a shabby, ill insulated trailer home dressed for the 70's. It's poo brown **** carpets and dilapidated yellow wallpaper is behind us, finally. Here we are in brisk mountain air looking over and smiling at one another as we soar down the slopes on our skis. I smile to my right - all the while giggling at our oddly fitted goggles and red, wind whipped noses. I feel completely in control. The other three zip past me and down the slopes. I see them make it to our destination: A nice, contemporary and cozy cottage; but I take my time. I'm moving freely and side to side, wearing a smile as wide as my head. I approach the destination to meet the other three. All too suddenly, rather than coming to a nice stop, I realize that I am approaching a ski jump instead. With out enough time to stop myself, I decide to position my self so that I land in the pond that sits slightly to left of the jump. I hit the jump and soar in the shallowest sky, close my eyes and brace myself for the coldest water my body has no desire of sensing. I become enveloped in liquid warmth just seconds later. It's the most surprising embrace and I almost choose not to leave. But I remerge with my goggles missing and I watch the steam rise from the water in all directions. Asfter I wade to the edge of the pond, I pick up my heavy, saturated body and drag it onto the snow, smiling and unaffected by the cold, wet earth beneath me.

It's like dashing back inside, at night, with no shoes on because you needed your flashlight out of the car for the sleep over. Terrified of what might be behind you.

It's the same feeling you get in your chest when you're startled at the movies with Jacob and Vesha because the psychopath gets his **** on screen.

It's the same as that time you got that twinge in your chest and your eyes began to well up (DON'T CRY), like they did when you watched that unbearably dramatic scene at the end of "The Fox and the Hound" when you were six.

And then after enduring these strange physical reactions, your mind starts to run in overdrive, yet making no progress, like when you were stunted on that mathematical portion of the standardized state test you had to take in the eighth grade. Signals are firing in your head, making instantaneous connections and all the while making the physical anomalies worse.

So, why is this so unbearable? When all of the other instances of similar, emotional toils were tolerable.

It's within my existence. It's not a script, it isn't my imagination, and it isn't school work. This is an internal conflict caused by the actions and decisions made externally.

Reach in, deeper than the skin, deeper than the rib cage, deeper than the heart and closer to the soul. Then, pull this desperation out of me and keep it far, far out of my sight.

You are now at my gate
and let me just state...
Ignorance is not bliss,
Ignorance is what spits,
On our society,
Why does it have to be,
So mean,
Coming in different varieties
Stupidity, closed minded beings,
Overdosed feigns
On the drug of another’s uncertainty,
On the drug of another’s complexity.
Ignorance is what hits,
When one has been reduced down to fits,
Of rage due to a lack of understanding.
Due to an abundance of reprimanding with no reasoning.
Take your fake, already set in place traits
and leave them at the gate.
When I can feel you feel what i feel or
when you do not judge based on preconceived ideals,
You may then pass in through the gates to my consciousness
and my awareness.
Mind you it is not a matter of hypocrisy
but a requirement to consider my identity.

Not in my shadow but in the bright light, free
Live through me.
The one who’s triumph shall exist through generations x, y, and z.
She shall be.

Live through me
A new responsibility
She shall be
A whole new entity

A new responsibility
I take with regards for my mother
A whole new entity one with the one, the almighty father

And so my mother,
Her triumph shall exist through generations x, y, and z.
And as long as this life will repeat
She shall live through me, not in my shadow but in the bright light, free

Oh when that smell penetrates your senses,
Your mind will retreat
Back to that time,
That time when you were calm, happy, and free
And when you smell that smell and your eyes open to see,
See ugly torn down dreams…
What a fool you’ve found yourself to be.