I wonder
What you saw when you looked at me

Drinking with the devil's thirst
Smoking the cowboys dirt
Laughing much too loud
Walking round the next day in my ex's stolen underwear
Bloodshot eyes and ready for another round

I was chaos and storms
I was weather worn
But inside I was holding me together
With the too loud music and too much fake smiles
I was something too behold

I wonder what you saw
When you looked at me

I was told you like to fix things
And to you I'd be the ultimate challenge with all my broken dreams
I told you to leave well enough alone
That I'm putting myself back together on my own
You heeded my warnings not

You looked at me as though I was all you saw
And into my heart and life you clawed
You spoke to me through my favourite songs
Made me feel like to you alone I belonged
You said you never felt this way and that I was your safe place

I wonder now
When I look at you

How hard it must've been
For you to pretend you're all in
How you must've hated every moment we touched
Though how well you did fake lust
I shudder to recall

How difficult for you to fake those looks
All your tricks,  you said you learned from books
Your romantic ramblings must've been so tiring
You made me feel like I was dying
How hard was it for you,  I wonder

You faked it all so convincingly
Everyone believed it,  even me
I thought I met my other half
While you thought you were smart
I hope someday I'll find it funny

For all your great intentions you forgot
About what happens at the end,   we both lost
You lost a friend,  I a lover
You quickly went back to your other
And I am back at the start

So your pretty words didn't fix me like you hoped
I was doing fine,  I would've coped
Just fine without your interference
Your intentions were careless
You broke another piece off me

Where's the sense
in waiting?

(skinny hours
better consumed
feeding my chances)

—I only sense
my fears your coldness
mine and yours
terminal romances

Her bones were brittle, her hips
fresh cracked plastic.
Her hair was gray
lackluster straw.

Her sweatshirt was too large, her stomach too small.
Her pain overwhelming, her resolve a mask.

He lay near.

She sat in a wood chair
at the kitchen table;
where she'd been
for days.

She lowered her arm gently, and beckoned,
"Come back."
Her plate was empty- her glass too.

His plate was empty- his glass too.
He lay away, as tired as she.
His eyes found hers
in hungry confusion.

"Please," begged her nature.
Hollowed, that was all that remained.
"I'm sorry."

He did not know.

He looked to her, his first, his last,
his only- perked ears and a dry moan.
He sighed and closed his eyes.

She chose to close hers too,
"Goodbye," she hurt.

These lungs are stones lying heavy in my chest
Breathing in the nicotine toys you smoke so slyly from your chapped lips
While under your arm in the church parking lot
You pray to who you call God
As the skeletons fall from your cigarette
Begging that we stay bound until the hour's death

  Is it the scars you hide under your stubble that attracts me to your sin?
  Or the ghosts in your pores that smell of tobacco and mint?
They loved you so much, am I one of them now?
You could have done better but I'm afraid that I can't
     You're the only type I believe keeps my sane
     You're the only type that breaks my brittle brain
How many more cracks do I dare sustain?

  But all of you leave scars under my stubble
  And the ghosts in my pores smell like tobacco and mint
I'm three packs in and I'm more alone than ever
Maybe tomorrow will bring a better "forever."

I can't go on without you,
But you're not by my side.
I feel the energy draining
From my fading life.

You're not by my side;
I don’t know what to do.
My life is fading fast;
I'm nothing without you.

I don’t know what to do
When I'm all alone.
I'm completely lost without you;
You made me feel at home

Don’t leave me all alone,
I can feel my energy drain.
You made me feel at home;
I can't go one without you.