In this moment Im confused
Happy, sad, amused
Finding happiness where I go
Still I cry so
Holding on little to this world
Somewhere before my mothers womb

You read what may seem like fiction to you
Though to me its my reality
I thank you for reading thoughts that I keep to myself
As would a dictionary on a library shelf
Thank you for allowing me to feel like my words matter
I receive my notifications on a mental silver platter
As I view your feedback I feel happy inside
A spark, a flame begins to ignite
I usually feel very misunderstood
When you read my insanity I feel very good
I promise never to write a written lie
But to write a vision through my minds eye
I promise never to write a poem thats been forced
Like a marriage thats been bound to end in a divorce
I promise to always treat you like a poet should be
Grand and powerful like the sailing sea
Ill always be honored that my emotions you'll know it
I end this thanking you my dear reading poets

And so I said to him, "Dumbledore beats Gandalf any day."

Chuckling as we ate our Hobbit breakfast.

A nightmare began to play for opened eyes
A hesitated day had finally come
Opened eyes were too dry to cry
A decision was set, already made
Decision came with a price to be paid
I waited as the drugs eased the thought before the pain
Ultimately never being the same
Listening to them plead as doors opened and closed
My name being called
Slowly I rose
Entering the room where I became a killer

Sleep my child, sleep
No need to count sheep
Just close your eyes
No need to cry
Sleep my child, sleep
Only a room away
Wake to a new day
feel no fear
Im still right here
Sleep my child, sleep
Protected by his blood
Like Noah and the flood
Youll be unharmed
Just like a charm
Sleep my child, sleep
Precious as can be
Eyes not meant to see
Creepy crawlies and voodoo dollies
Sleep my child, sleep

*this is meant to be sang

Sweaty hands shaking
Moments seen through magnify
A presence unwelcomed

A mother of two
When you arrived I already knew
I would not meet you face to face on this earths crust
Only after my body has been turned to dust
I do not know if you were a boy or a girl
If your hair would be straight or if it would curl
I knew that you were real and very much alive
With every morning sickness that made me want to die
You lived for an estimated 7 weeks
But I only knew you for one
I cried like I never have
More than when I lost my own dad
I begged for forgiveness to my heavenly Father
For killing my son or my daughter
For ripping your seed out of its soil
A seed I knew Id spoil
I cried in my bed with my head in my pillow
I had cried more than a weeping willow
I was asleep when you had exited my womb
Waking up in the recovery room
I was barely awake, still sedated
No longer on this earth, myself I hated
Not wanting be in that clinic, forcing myself up I stumbled out
Driving home all I did was shout
Screaming, crying, the feeling of dying
Vomiting on my front door
Feeling my empty womb to its core
You were gone, no more
I can never bring you back or say sorry enough
Doing what it did wasnt easy but tough
I didnt do it because I wouldnt love you
Only because I already had two
What I did was wrong and I know I am a sinner
You were sent to the womb of a killer


*For those of you who read my poem "I am a Killer", this is what I was talking about. I wasnt ready to share it completely.

The moment where I'm no longer angry with you is when I let myself go enough to enjoy you.

Suddenly you become important again. Refreshed, I see you as I once have. Kissing hands of a working man.

Looking back into your eyes as your hands hold onto my neck I realize that seeing you with another women would make me jealous.

In those moments I enjoy giving myself to you. Reminding you why you wake your mornings to a person like me.

Only in those moments I dont feel like hurting you with pain but only with pleasure.

Only in those moments is when I can enjoy you.