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Mar 2015 · 669
Red Starr Mar 2015
This can't hide
All that
Rests inside
Love, loathing, pain and holding
Trying to hold back
All that's hiding
Deep, deep
Cutting, hating, lusting, waiting
Wanting to explode
You don't know!
What it's like
To hold
I hold back so much
All the time
You don't even know
What I want
Who I am
Who I hope to be
You sit and stare
Vacancy in your eyes
Saying words
As they come to mind
I watch,
I watch your mouth moving
And your words
Then leave
Like smoke
From a woman's
Pursed lips
Who the hell are you?
Why the hell
Am I with you?
I sit
And alone
Waiting, wanting, wishing
And alone
Head in my hands,
Mar 2015 · 1.4k
Red Starr Mar 2015
And her lips were swollen
Eyes like glass
And gleaming
A secret
She wouldn't share
And a little bit of
She knows
And her eyes
Are knowing
Showing so little
Of the glowing secret
She holds
You want to know
To know
What secrets
She holds
Mar 2015 · 519
Red Starr Mar 2015
I flit
Too close to the flame
I want to burn
I want
To burn
Heat and
And pain
Red and blue
Black and blue
Pain, I know
Pain is good
I want
And want...
Dec 2014 · 567
Red Starr Dec 2014
I can't top Simonides
I won't even try
But, blue and stars
Are always on my mind
If I could lie
A bed of soft, wet grass
And dream, and think of what is to come next,
I would do this every night
From the pale setting of the sun
To the soft moon's rise
Life would be easy
And I'd quit thinking
Of my sorrowful, possible demise.
Dec 2014 · 739
Red Starr Dec 2014
A pale, pulsing membrane
Surrounds my inner core
You don't know me
You think you do
i'm alone
And don't want you
To find me
I want to be
Vulnerable and alone
I am
A shining light,
And alone.
Dec 2014 · 509
Thorn-ed Crown
Red Starr Dec 2014
And bare,
She lives
In her
Dark world
She wishes,
Another to understand
But life has dealt her
A broken hand
It hurts,
But not
A crown
She wears
Bleeding and so, so
Dec 2014 · 343
Red Starr Dec 2014
Toss it down
Another round
Drink so you won't think
Dull your senses
Numb your skull
Heat your cold, stone veins
It will all be over soon
Drink so you won't think
Then start it all over again
Dec 2014 · 460
Girl, Interrupted
Red Starr Dec 2014
And she sat
Still as a stone
Rigid in her responsibility
Blocking the rif and the raff
Bouncing in and out of her eyesite
She sat
Alone, stoic
More than she should ever have to know
Like a rung
On a ladder
Her mother clinging on
She is the ground
She sits

My daughter
Proud, and alone
Feb 2014 · 2.2k
A Ballerina Dies
Red Starr Feb 2014
You wrap my arms behind me
With bright red thread
In a pattern
Like a ballerina's slipper
Gone horribly bad
You stare me down
With searing black eyes
An aura of hate
Trailing your every
You know you put them there
He says
You tied those red vines, not I
My mind is spinning
Did I?
No, I didn't think I had
His words cast a spell,
A wicked hex
That divides my thoughts
The red thread
Is constricting
As I try to find
My reality
It hurts
I'm starting to bleed
I did not do this!
I yell in my head
I suddenly become aware
That his calloused hands
Were tightening
The thread
And my reality,
Whether good or bad,
Was slowly
Killing me
In his hands
Oct 2013 · 651
Gone in a Wink
Red Starr Oct 2013
Many, many
You'll know
If I
If you
From me
I love you
Jun 2013 · 729
Lost and not yet Found
Red Starr Jun 2013
Do you ever feel
Like the words are stuck,
So much you want to say?
But you allowed someone
To break the connection
Between your soul and fingers?
Do you ever feel
So pushed and pulled
By other's emotions
You forget which ones
Are truly your own?
Are you so compelled
To give and give to others
You whither in the drought
That's left behind?
Boundaries, boundaries are
So hard for me to find.
They're invisible laser beams
Protecting a fine jewel.
I can't see them.
I clumsily make my way through.
I allow others to determine my path.
Where is the strength
I felt two years ago?
Will it ever return?
Until then, I swing from here to there,
Tripping, slipping along the way.
Searching for the strength I knew
Before my world was turned upside-down.
May 2013 · 854
Girl in a Box
Red Starr May 2013
She sits
And stares
Turns to the left
Turns to the right
No one
She sits
And stares
She wants
A warm
She wants
A beat
A heart beat
Right there
But no
She sits
And stares
But alone
She sits
And stares
Cross leg-ged
Cold head-ed
All alone
They flit
To the left
They flit
To the right
But no one
Sees her there
She wants
A beat
A heart
Warm and
But alone
She sits
How can
So many
Be so
She sits
In a box
A self-made
And revels
In the
Yearns for
And warmth
And peace
But chooses
Apr 2013 · 871
Tossin' it Up
Red Starr Apr 2013
No, I don't think I will
No, tonight I think I won't
My stomach is protruding, though
I feel full
And I don't like that one bit
No, I don't think I will tonight
No, I think I won't
But I can't stop thinking
How my stomach passes over
My hallowed out hips and bones
No, I won't do it
But, yes, maybe I will
I don't think I can stand one minute more
This feeling of overly full
No, I don't think I'll do it now
But, yes, maybe just one time more
It won't hurt anyone
It's just for fun
It keeps the scale right in place
So, yes, maybe this one time more
My doctor told me , "No!"
She said take this extra yellow pill
And you'll feel like everything's in its place
But, no, I didn't take that pill
That pill will make me fat
So I'll toss up all I ate tonight
And then fall perfectly flat
Upon my bed
Curled up instead of
Feeling all obese
I'm done with rolls
And heaves and hoes
And ready for floats and leaps
I don't care for the stares
Of the strangers and theirs
I'm gonna do as I please
Apr 2013 · 825
Aura of Gold
Red Starr Apr 2013
Why does my soul feel hollow?
Why is it difficult to breathe?
Why is it bile that I swallow?
When it's only you I see

I want to fill my soul
With petals of pink and green
And have an aura of gold
Surrounding me, heaven-serene

But your eyes melt like wax
My warm and giving heart
My white flag stands at half-mast
You pull and tear me apart

I'm standing at a crossroads
If I stay, I'll wilt like a rose
Or, I can choose to run far away, down paths and unknown roads
And hope and pray that it all will end in lyrical, elegant prose
Apr 2013 · 1.2k
Disorderly Conduct
Red Starr Apr 2013
I am each
All of these
Scared to put this out there, but hoping it helps others somehow.
Apr 2013 · 1.2k
Jaded Angel
Red Starr Apr 2013
Broken girl
Folded over the curb
Neon pink wig
Halo on her head
Vomiting in the street
"Lose a contact?"
A smart *** says
She has lost more than that
Vodkas, beers, lemon drops
Spin her head
Completely around
Sea salt spray
Mists on her lips
Clears her mind
For a brief moment
Memories try to sneak back in
But the liquor swirls them away
******* on unsteady feet
Jostles her way
Back into the Riptide
Crowded with Halloween revelers
Sits, then slips off the
Retro bar stool
Asks for more punishment in a glass
Anything to make the pain push away
Even if just for a few hours
She's now had her fill
Halo a bit askew
Pink wig in place
Friends gather 'round
She's incapable of walking
Arms around each other
They make the long journey home
She gratefully passes out
On the cool, crisp sheets
Oblivious to the pain for several more hours
Avoided until she wakes up
To the cold, hard truth
There's no escaping it now
Apr 2013 · 769
A Fix for Alice
Red Starr Apr 2013
"Drink me!” “Eat me!”
You messed up little girl
Stop fidgeting, You talk too much
You're crying all the time
You're spiraling down that rabbit hole
We can't save you every time
"Drink me!” "Eat me!”
You can't continue this way
You sleep too much
You don't sleep enough
You talk of suicide
"Drink me!” “Eat me!”
They'll surely help
Anything is better than you right now
Oops, the green one makes you way too high
So take this blue one too
This yellow one keeps the blade away
Better take two of those
The little white dots keep the pounds away
Don't mind your tingling toes
The big white oval keeps your muscles loose
From that miracle yellow dose
Lastly, these aqua discs will melt your fears away
You'll sleep like a baby every night
And keep our pain away
"Drink me!” “Eat me!”
Become normal again!
It's simple chemistry
Just wash these down when the time is right
And we'll never have to worry again
I'll never be a worry again
Mar 2013 · 905
Siren's Song
Red Starr Mar 2013
I turn to
When I glance at you
I Jump into the sea
To escape your stare
Chill of
Salty waves
Nearly toss me
Like a sand dollar
Floating near the break
I become
Coral in a
Tide pool
Yet still I turn to you
For guidance
But you're too
Weak in your
Own rite
And you're not
Aware when I need
You the most
So I turn away
And I turn
Look in
And search for the
Answer but
It's simply not there
Pray to
The universe
Stained glass Jesus
Rotund Buddha
Dark Mother Mary
Demure and strong
And I hear...
And the nothing is so
****** quiet
The nothing
Hurts my ears
So I clutch
My head
My hands press it hard
And tight
The headache drums
Demons play games
With my cerebral vortex
My vision narrows to
A pinpoint
Haloes consume the
Small space of
Sight that remains
The boulders I carry
Are too heavy
Lighten my load!
I plead
Before I'm
Dragged down
By the sea siren
She whispers lies
To me
Tells me she will
Carry the boulders
They'll be lighter
At the bottom
Of the sea,
She says
She tempts me
With her promises
Of peace, dark, cool, light
But I know better
If I go with her
It will mean death
And I've died
So many times already
I'm so tired of dying
Mar 2013 · 560
Crack (10 w)
Red Starr Mar 2013
glass monkey
on a shelf
the first
Speaking of my ex-husband who put me on a pedestal, wanted me to perform/be a person I didn't want to be.  I tried hard to be.  I felt like I wore a mask on the outside and was another person on the inside.  He was abusive and I could do no right in his eyes.
Mar 2013 · 414
Red Starr Mar 2013
This now too?
What comes next?
Why am I such
Mar 2013 · 595
Thank You HP
Red Starr Mar 2013
Uplift me
Lift me up
I'm so far down
Sometimes these words
Are all I have
Your words
On paper
Tears behind my eyes
Held back only by the veil
The veil of my pride
Battle through
The deep
Violet, black, indigo, vertigo
Demon of grief
Starts at the root
Travels up
'Til it becomes bile in my throat
Escape in your words
Escape in your worlds
Foreign languages
You sometimes speak
Causes me to think
In tongues I didn't think I knew
Breaks me from my rumination
For dashed moments in time
Heart heaviness
Leaden on my chest
Thank you
Mar 2013 · 735
Red Starr Mar 2013
A deep, red reminder of a night so black
Caught between two psychopaths
All I wanted was a little peace
But the two simply would not agree
Take it out on them, you might
My remedy? Get out the knife
Anger, pain and desperation
All turned inward, self aggression
Exhausted by the constant fight
Two deep cuts in my arm that night
Solution, ideation, imagination?
Two grown men and their ego fascinations?
Exhausted by the constant fight
I should probably turn in this ******* knife
Mar 2013 · 1.3k
Red Starr Mar 2013
Petal-soft lip
Dancing tips
Handprint on my undulating hip
Twist my hair
Ember in your stare
Circle me like a piece so rare
Arms praise the sky
Worshipping my thigh
trailing up my stardust side
Silken-scarf wrapped 'round my waist
Gliding up my ******* posthaste
Hands are proud, anything but chaste
Confident, urgent, pressing on
Convincing me what's right, what's wrong
Your long black hair, Samson's song
Mind is spinning, tripping, slipping
All I feel is your heart and breathing
Nothing's holding me back from giving
Rhythm, fast, space, beat
Touch, glide, hot, heat
Two heavenly bodies collide and meet
Mar 2013 · 885
Red Starr Mar 2013
Disembodied, hovering, floating to her chair
I guess that's the only way I could have made it there
I don't recall walking down the hall
And opening her door
But soon I sat, zombie-like
Staring at the floor
Her brown eyes scanning, studying
Prying for some more
More to the story than what she saw
walking through that door
Soon the tears rained down my face
My mouth refused to move
The words, cotton, in my throat
Stuck to tell the tale
Only solution left to do
Was lift the cotton veil
The silence, thick, lay in the room
As slowly I unfold
And bared my story
Red and slashed,
with words Still left untold
I lifted my gaze and met her eyes
Scared of what I'd see
Detached alarm
Reaching for my arm
Questions raining down
When and how and why and what?
Do you want to do it again?
I slowly nodded up and down
We have two solutions then
Go to the hospital right away
I recommend you do
Or call a sister or a friend
To watch you
24 and 7
What the hell brought me to this place
You maybe ask yourself
Imbalances, and life and the loss of love
Neurotransmitters and pain
Wrong medicines and hate and grief
The fear of burdening my friends
My days go by
Both good and bad
I'm up and then I'm down
I dream of a girl in red and blood
Then a girl with gold and pearls
I dream of crashing head and on to end the pain and strife
Then think about the beauty ahead that's sure to come to life
Balance is a word I long to reach
It's far and foggy now
I hope one day it will sit and stay
And I'll be just like you, my friend
Exactly like you, my friend
Feb 2013 · 2.4k
Red Starr Feb 2013
Amethyst dew drop
Eyelash down
Full lip up-turned
Pink, glossy, round
Glitzy green sheen
On my half moon lid
Prism bright stud
Like the Luxor crown
Slightly levitating
Pierced, royal, proud
Skin luminating
Glowing from within
Golden, honey, brown sugar
Streams of gold and brown
I dance like a moonbeam
I dance like the sun
I dance like a star in flight
I dance on the run
I won't let a single man
Take this glow from me
He did it once
He did it twice
Three times
Shame on me
Feb 2013 · 1.9k
Twisted Barbie
Red Starr Feb 2013
Ballerina Barbie
Twisted, bending back
Awkward posing
You painted her in black
She used to float
A sun-stream ray
Stars lit up her eyes
You took advantage
Of her light
With prying nicks and barbs
Cuts and slaps
Tore at her heart
You slowly wore away
The shining brightness that she was
Bound her like a slave
Until she woke
One foggy night
Shaking like a leaf
Vulnerable, but strong inside
She knew she had to leave
She ran straight through the wispy fog
and turned the golden key
She turned and pushed and turned and pushed
The car would go nowhere
She looked into her rear view mirror
And saw you standing there
The metal cap held in your hands
A smirk upon your face
"You twisted, broken Barbie doll
Will never leave this place."
Feb 2013 · 875
Red Starr Feb 2013
Stained-glass Jesus
Third-eye light
Glinting silver metal
Blinding my sight
Fourth-of-July light show
Lighting up my mind
Pinball bounces
Side to side
Gripping the nightstand
Walking across the floor
Lightening bolts zagging
Green colors and more
All this light and color
Is just too much sometimes
Even when I close my eyes
It's always me they find
Jan 2013 · 1.0k
Red Starr Jan 2013
Candy apple lips
Black, then green eyes
Hair, a tidal wave rolling down her back

She is comic-book pretty
The boys come to look
They sit and stare at her form

She just looks at the moon
And cries

She is a snail
Dark and slimy
Crawling along the ground

They say she shines like the sun
But sees only the moon
She knows nothing of the beauty outside

A black net caught it
Trapped it one day
With words taking swings like fists

She felt them
Absorbed them
Now those words are chains
hanging around her neck

"******* *****"
"Stupid ******* *****"
"******* ugly as hell"

The words were followed
With hammers and nails
Locked doors
Glass shards
Her neck pressed hard to the floor

She escaped that death
Is finding a new life
One without bitter swords

But right now, she cannot believe
This beauty they see
After years of being torn apart
Jan 2013 · 2.9k
Spiderweb Lashes
Red Starr Jan 2013
Black spiderweb lashes
Drifting down
Red hashed vessels
Hidden from crowds
Pulsing lights
Heartbeat sounds
Arms and soul moving
Rhythm that pounds
Hands are grabbing
Wanting more
The soul says free me
Let me soar
It's about the beat
The ups and the downs
Feel the music
Hear the sound
Not just the sound
The hammering beat
The vibrating floor
The people heat
The sweat
The pain
The tears
The rain
The heat, hot liquid
Dripping through veins
New life given
To soulless names
Nameless faces
Passing through crowds
The beat is all that matters now
The beat, the heat. The bounce, the crowd
They all become one, somehow
You grind, you bend, you sit, you stand
You run the heat
Then you die with the band
Jan 2013 · 657
Two Steps
Red Starr Jan 2013
One step in, One step out
Her palm pressed to mine urges me on
It's the perfect place
She says
You can rest and think and find peace here
A friend of mine says it's the best
Fog rolls in and out of my mind
Two steps in, I'm forever insane
I remain at the threshold of the door
I laugh quietly in my own head
I sob quietly on the outside
How did I find these shoes?
I look down at them
Are they even mine?
I was that girl everyone said was strong
I was that girl who faced everything awful
Without even a wince
These shoes are now filled by a girl
Who lays crucified to her bed by leaden bricks
While the world makes its demands
As the bricks press her firmly down
Tears form steady streams in paths down her face
She dreams, no, fantasizes of her own death
She knows exactly how she'll do it
Her heart races all night
Listening for slamming doors and
Heavy objects being thrown against the wall
Her brain has become a muddled mess
Of panic and pain, of blacks and blues
And sometimes extreme reds and yellows
The simplest questions can no longer be answered
And yet, she's supposed to make this choice?
Two steps in, insane forever
Or remain at the threshold of the door
One step in, one step out
I break the connection of our palms
Walk haltingly away
I'm not prepared to mark myself forever
The fog lifts just a little bit
A shadow of that strong girl brushes by
"I can do this on my own," I say.
Jan 2013 · 414
Red Starr Jan 2013
You grabbed my wrists that day
Shook me and asked, why!?
I answered and answered again
Then you left
You walked out the door
I hated myself for hating you
Everything collapsed at once
You were just one of the columns holding me up
But you were the final column
And I collapsed
I couldn't see the light anymore
There was no more light in the darkness
So I grabbed the shiniest thing I could find
And slid down to the floor
The shiniest and sharpest thing I could find
Grasped tightly in my hands
You walked back in that day
Even though I hated you,
You walked back in
I hated you, but you loved me
You were a column collapsed on the floor
Next to me, gently pulling me back into the light
Jan 2013 · 2.3k
Hummingbird Whispers
Red Starr Jan 2013
Hummingbird whispers
Hang in the air
I sit alone with a daz-ed stare
Alone, but voices all around
They suffocatingly surround
I hear hums of hospitals
And whispers of home
I don't speak hummingbird!
I scream in the air
Just leave me alone
And let me drown
Drown in my black cloud filled with rain
This skin is numb and craves only pain
They stand there glancing with sideways eyes
Speaking their language
Planning my demise
Don't they understand?
I want only one thing
To erase the black cloud by filling it with pain
Pain, I can handle, pain, I understand
This black, numbing cloud makes no sense to me
If I could just be left alone to cut it free!
Jan 2013 · 393
Simple Love
Red Starr Jan 2013
Sip and warm
Gold and bubble
A different sort of love
Transport to a nether world
A respite from this time
Open my mouth
Glide down
Heat from veins to toes
Simple love
From a bottle
Jan 2013 · 974
A Dark Place
Red Starr Jan 2013
Box cutter to skin
But the lights are screaming
The corners become razors
The stars even hurt my eyes
And the voices are vices to my head
My skin becomes a prison
My vessels and veins are clawing to get out
Misfiring neurotransmitters, the doctors say
Swallow this cocktail of pretty pills and you'll feel fine
Pastels of pink and yellow and green
Swallow them daily, I do
But still the world screams and cuts at me
I want dark and cool and peace
This world does not understand
It hurls at me
Throwing knives and swords as I sprint away
Box cutter to skin
Peace as the stress drips down my arm
Dark as it drips faster
Cool, peace and dark
Mar 2012 · 519
Red Starr Mar 2012
7.9% numbs my brain
but i'm still thinking of you
oil and knives
are what you've given me
and i sit and stare
and think of you
erase your love soul
from my memory
i can't live like this anymore
slit and red and drip
slit and red and drip
at least i feel
surface pain
it's easier
than c-sitting
curled over with
Mar 2012 · 569
little girl
Red Starr Mar 2012
little girl
hands and knees
traipsing up the rooftop
eyes so wild
orchid child
searching for a home
tears on tips
fingers lit
clawing, clinging on
words are sought
mind is lost
peace has come and gone
Mar 2012 · 546
Red Starr Mar 2012
i fell and skinned my knees today
you were supposed to keep me from falling
i shattered today
you didn't try to mend the crystal pieces
you flipped my book around
and read the back side
i should have watched where i was going
so i wouldn't fall, you said
i bandaged my knees
tried to glue the glinting pieces back together
you were in a hazy dream when i fell
smoke and sting filling your nose
breathing for you
apathy filling your mind
filling your soul
and now my mind-soul is weary
my body is tired
tired of your gas-lighting ways
too tired to notice when i fall anymore
too tired to pick up my shining pieces of crystal and glass
dulled and falling to the floor
you've dulled and tired me
and i can't pick myself up anymore
Mar 2012 · 647
Red Starr Mar 2012
Stiff and tense I sit
Hunched over words, words about money, loss
With and without
Bent and
Then you brush me
Ever so gently
Touch me
The words, once so important, become unfocused
I struggle to reign them
Tame me
Put them in their place
But you sniff and prowl
Lift and pull
The razor softens
My body
Controlled by a magnet
Deep in the center
Raises and weeps
Bucks and leaps
At the brilliant touch
Of a man in heat
Feb 2012 · 927
lose it
Red Starr Feb 2012
caved in
my gut
to the sounds
of my worry
wound tight
***** of yarn
and roll
sharp triangles
shape my back
but round my shoulders
all at once
rounded but sharp
all at once
steel cords
pull at my spine
spring from my neck
down to my waist
beyond words
learn to breathe
i must
Feb 2012 · 485
Ode to Meds
Red Starr Feb 2012
nerve endings on fire
lights too bright
undosed, too close to the edge
Bring It!
Bring 'Em!
i like it
at least it's not dark
at least it's not weighty
at least it's not bruised and lonely and sickly
fast or slow
extra light or extra dark
maybe i'll try it more often
Feb 2012 · 1.2k
Red Starr Feb 2012
I sold worry over a fence post
And my neighbor ran away with it
Created it into a new worry, and spoke of it to another
Like a game of telephone
They look at me strangely now
Talk to me differently
Think I'm something I'm not
I hide from them in my house
Look out my window as they play at their drinking games
Talk about me at bunko
Gossip about me at girl's night
Walk past me like I'm a ghost
Avoid me like a pariah, a ***** covered in sores
I sold worry over the fence post
And now I sit alone
Nov 2011 · 1.7k
Tree of Life
Red Starr Nov 2011
Aqua veins
Trees of life
Tears and roots
Roots and tears
Trailing down your porcelain face
I trace the life-paths with my finger tips
Watch them drip and drop
Cup them with my palm
Still they drip, but I catch those I can
I want to be your tree of life
Strong and unbending in the wind
Oct 2011 · 1.1k
Britney Moment
Red Starr Oct 2011
Britney Spears moment
I had
Now I know
What she didn't have
Was a gatekeeper
Someone telling her
Don't do it
You'll regret it
I almost cut off my hair today
Almost cut it off
Almost cut my arm today
That was a secret, tho
Cutting my hair is safer
So, why not?
I wonder
Did Britney
Cut herself too?
Oct 2011 · 570
In Tune
Red Starr Oct 2011
and you kept talking
and weeping
and telling me how sad you were
how you destroyed our family
how you can't believe you've done all the things you did
how all you want is your family back
you said this with tears in your eyes
tears falling down your face
and i looked at our son
closed in the back seat of your truck
dimple caving into his sweet smiling cheek
clueless, deaf to the words spilling out of  your mouth
you said you think i tune out at times
tune out when you're talking about these important, meaningful things
things you keep talking about, ranting about
and i looked again at our son, dimp-ly smiling in the back of the truck
so i put a red trader joe's bag over my head
tuned completely out
did a little dance
waved goodbye to darling little Tanner
tuned out until the next time
tuned out and walked away
Oct 2011 · 1.7k
Zoloft: A Love Poem
Red Starr Oct 2011
the highest elevation
barefoot in the rain
feeling no pain
running for hours
there's no higher power
of a new me
I've not yet seen
absent the caffeine
higher and higher
hour after hour
she's gone
lying bare on the floor
staring at the popcorn, pop on the ceiling
spider-webby nothingness
filling her brain
filling her soul
alone in her body
alone in her thoughts
lead apron-ness covering every inch of her body
Sep 2011 · 589
Red Starr Sep 2011
it isn't like you didn't know, ash and coal spilling from your mouth
like a stone pit the day after a campfire; cold, dead, acrid, gray
but still you want to pry it out of me
reach deep down into my throat
you know i protect it there
too painful to release
but you pry and you never know when to stop
and you never know when enough is enough
bright red stop signs
neon red lights
you waltz right through them
charm your way past
nothing deters, and so i curl up again
a tight, miniature rosebud
vulnerable, tiny thorns
your over-sized hands tear right through
you tear through
and your tearing through breaks me
it breaks it all
Aug 2011 · 1.2k
Red Starr Aug 2011
my legs were a vee
your fingers were searching
like they had eyes of their own
and you drove too fast
the vodkas intoxicating us
lust created an immortal shell
the san francisco bay misting our windows
i tasted its salt on your lips
your legs were a vee
and my fingers had eyes of their own
we transported to a place
you and i know
but very few know
and our fingers still have eyes of their own
Jul 2011 · 4.0k
Red Starr Jul 2011
i dream of a soft release
a gentle letting go
of responsibility, duty, life, love
the vintage film flicks and flickers through my mind
knotty, spotty, black and white frames
me, hiding behind long strands
hair, shrouding like a confessional booth
a pale, slight hand
a glinting of metal
an intake of breath
a waterfall
a lifetime of pain
slowly fading
gently falling
pain, fear, finally ending
i'd finally end
Jun 2011 · 828
mercury tears
Red Starr Jun 2011
cotton batting fills my frontal lobes
i'm too dry to weep
you charge at me
your head a mallet
your fists restrained hammers at your sides
"you getting ready to go out?"
you say
my eyes are soul-less, flat and gray
as I turn to you
my jaw opens, then closes
opens and closes
words weave in and out of the cotton batting
and stick there
"you getting ready to go somewhere?"
you say
flames fill my chest and the words are pushed and spill out
in monotone, with mercury dripping down my face
i say
"i'm going to visit my son in the mental hospital."
my face, a classic flat-effect,
"you know this and why are you making me say this out loud?"
the sharp angles of the letters slice my throat
and more mercury drips
and acid fills the back of my throat
my eyes are soul-less, flat and gray
and you glare sharp blades at me
wrapped in a silicone shell of your narcissim
"you look like you're getting ready to go out somewhere."
you say
chrome glazing over  your eyes, over your heart
with that, the cotton batting fills more space
my soul-self doubles over in pain
and with that
the side of me that lived for you
Jun 2011 · 1.4k
Red Starr Jun 2011
lightening and thunder
sickeningly twisting and turning
hailstorm, hurricane in my heart
in my gut
cooling down with the rain, dripping
slowly calming the flames
tears and rain, rain and tears
smoke then steam
sulfur, metal, steam
red, sulfur, flames
in my soul, in my mind
red-hot, heat
purple, black, blue
rain and tears, tears and rain
slowly calming the flames
crashing, then receding
crashing, receding
slowly receding, drifting
drifting away
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