My lungs are filled with ash.
My blood is watered down.
My brain is floating idly,
And my body won't be found.

Deep in my heart,
There's a crow who sings
Songs of love
For his darling wife.
Their love lives on
In my fragile heart.
Though he's mute
To others around,
he is headstrong
And keeps me moving.
He's quiet still,
Recalling the
Memories of the past
When his wife
Still walked the earth-
Before you
Killed her with your words.

Everything you do is covered in love

I think about you
Before I close my eyelids
And drift off to sleep.
Dreams consume my simple life-
What I wish happened-
Holding your hand in mine
Or imagining
Falling asleep in your arms.

Oh, {deadname},

You're my beautiful daughter.
I know you're only lying.
You'll never, ever be a boy
No matter how long you keep trying.

Give up on transitioning.
Your mind has been poisoned.
The media has consumed you-
All the lies eating their way in.

Finally, you are my precious baby girl.
You're very smart, and you know that.
Don't think you're a boy- you're not.
You should put on your smiling mask

Until you're not sick anymore,

-Your loving mother

A way of expression,
A method of destruction,
A powerful shield,
A mighty weapon,
A piece of art,
An escapism...

No matter what you call it,
Poetry is beautiful.
Keep at it, young poet-
I believe in you.

I'll dance in the graceful moonlight
I'll sing with the mourning crows..
I'll walk with you at midnight
On routes we seldom go.

We'll walk away to Rome.
I'd love to go with you.
Anywhere is peaceful there
My eyes leak fresh morning dew.

I look into your eyes, waiting
For a response to me.
Hoping you'll smile back down
And use the pronoun 'we'

My heart swoons, creeping
Along at lazy pace
And finally speeding up again
When it's me whom you embrace.

After sitting next to you,
And staring at the stars,
Finding constellations,
And mapping adventures far,

My eyelids close then silently,
And in your arms I fall under.
Now sleeping peacefully,
My dreams pique wonders.

In the Autumn months,
Everything withers and dies,
It's the seasons' turning.
Little white snowflakes
Arise from hibernation
After summer's heat
And bring coldness to the world
flying through the air.

Sometimes I like to run away,
Away to secret places.

Away to sea,
Away to water
Away to where nothing ever falters.

I run away to a secret spot.
While there, I like to sit.

Sit and dream,
Sit and wish,
Sit and talk amongst the fish.

Sometimes I sit upon a dock.
While there, I like to cast.

Cast out sorrow,
Cast out fears,
Cast out all my aching tears.

Happy thoughts inside of me
Simply leak straight out

Replaced with worry,
Replaced with doubt,
Replaced with fear of standing out.

And in that state
Within my mind,
All good things vanish.
My life is timed.

"Ticking slowly,
Ticking fast,
Ticking away is my past.

I live, I breathe,
I sleep, I die.
In all I do is I, I, I...

I wish, for once, it was of you
And the amazing things you do
For I am small and worthless too.
Just **** me now, and that will do."

But then I think,
'Is that really me?
Are those the thoughts that my mind sets free?'
They should instead be taken away.

Away to sea,
Away to water,
Away where nothing ever falters.

3am caffeine-induced high
Humming in blissful peace
The smell of breakfast frying-
Eggs cooking in blistering grease.

A dazzling sea of despair
And gemstones of radiant agony
Ripple through the scalding bathwater
As it fills up in silence uncanny.

Steam runs throughout the house,
stretching over sheets and tile
As water follows hastily after,
Spilling out in cascading piles.

Bruised and bandaged blisters
On hands ravaged by wars
Against one's own life through years
Paired with cascades of burning tears
And left dangling o'er wooden floors.

Though you may run from your fate,
You'll never escape its iron grasp.
Reality will grab you and hold you down,
Pulling you under a diminished frown
Until you end the pain at last.

Humanoid figurines dance along
Barely distinguishable from each other
As they dip and twirl across the floor.

Adversaries to what I've done...
Haters of the methods I've used
All dance across my mind in violent war.

They struggle to keep balance as
I shove them away, trying to save
Whatever is left of my battered core

I've been taken advantage of.
I've been lied to a thousand times.
My mind is awfully broken now,
Adn my body is riddled with lines.

I can't believe you did this to me
After you said you loved me.
In the end, it was just a trap,
And the ransom was my sanity.

I made myself pretty for you,
Dolled up with bows and paint.
It was never good enough though.
You stole more of me every day.

I tore myself apart because
I couldn't be enough.
Even then you yelled at me
"Get over it.. Life is tough"

You never believed me when I said
A thing you didn't like.
I told you I hated you in my life
Always feeding me molten lies.

Even then, you pushed me away
And tore me limb from limb.
Everything I did to myself
Was caused by you, mum, not him.

I will always protect you.
I will keep you safe from all harm.
I promise...

              u
                 n
                    t
                      i
                        l

                    t
                 h
              e

                 v
                    e
                       r
                          y

                                    end.

My body is a cage.
This broken mortal frame
Grasps onto air and lies
As it falls and fails to try.
I morph its ugly worthlessness
With personality and fitness
To break my ribs and then to
Cause fat to redistribute.
My body is a cage,
And its broken, warped frame
Will never, ever cease to be
Something that disgusts me.

To feel yourself falling in love
With somebody over the course of months
Is to realise that you're more kind,
Happier, caring, gentle, and sweet-
A better person in general-
Keeping that person in mind.

No matter what you do,
Nobody else will understand
The way you feel every day,
The bubbliness of your actions,
The air of generosity and dreaminess
In every word you say.

To fall in love with someone
Is to notice you're not alone
And that you're loved and cared for.
It is to notice you matter as well
And to better yourself and others
Through kindness you pour.

To fall deeply in love with someone
Is to fall in love with yourself,
To fall in love with life as a whole,
To fall in love with everything.
Before you even know it,
Love has taken its grand toll.

The day after dying,
Your mortal shell will rot
And be filled with sleeping pills
No, sugar can not
Hide the pain you feel
From failing your many deaths,
Immortal now and always,
A hundred final breaths.

The day after dying,
You're nothing but a husk,
An empty, rotting hell
That lies awake until dusk,
Just contemplating painful existence
That wounds every inch of you.
Words, knives, and other pains
Don't feel enough in joy's lieu.

The day after dying,
Nothing will even change.
You'll still be a hopeless wreck.
You'll still be from peers estranged.
You'll still be a walking corpse.
You'll still never be alive.
You'll always wish you'd succeeded.
You'll feel useless just like I've.

I wish to be tossed
Onto the soft, rich topsoil
And devoured quickly
By wriggling worms and insects.
I wish I was dead.

No matter how many times I'm called beautiful
or pretty, of gorgeous, or any other comment,
I will always cry when I hear the name
You try to call me adoringly...

It is dead.
I bury it here
In the words.
I write its tombstone.

Bottles of carbonation
And bottles of tears,
Bottles of death wishes
And bottles of jeers,
I've bottled all the nasty looks
People've given me over the years.
Now all that's left to get over
Is all of my worthless fears.

Bottles of carbonation sit silently
Humming and buzzing beside me,
Sitting open on my nightstand as I
Avoid conversation with the
Other hundreds of people who try
Desperately to strain to reach
Me before my wounds ooze pus
And blood and Death comes to reap.

Drinks keep me alive through his pain
It now courses through my veins.
It's why I twitch when hearing my name,
One final desperate gasp of breath
Before I succumb to painful death.

why is every call empty
why is life meaningless
why are conversations lies
why are compliments shallow
why are you so optimistic
why is hope unfindable
why are there so many questions
and why are there no answers

why is there nothing but emptiness
why is there no rest other than death
why are my messages always
unanswered
why is my voice never heard
why does everyone move on without me
why does silence seem so loud
why is loneliness comforting
and why is being alone so painful

why do you seem to love me
but only when no one else is around

Pain wracks my fragile bones.
Everything hurts me,
So please, please don't
Come close or touch me.

I can't look at my body
Because it isn't what I want.
I know it's selfish, you see,
But it's a paper without a font.

My skin is a tapestry of
Beauty and pretty and all
In the perfect girl you'd love,
But guys: absolutely appalled.

Nothing matched on me-
I'm the missing left sock,
My bones' rattle is all I'll be
Until I take the final walk.

I swirl my finger in the stew
Of water, blood, and tears.
As the ripples flow through streaking liquid,
Rocks show the motions, wearing down over years.

Seafoam froths along the shore,
Blistering the scorching sand
And floating off the world as I
Try to catch falling stars in my hand.

I haven't written in ages;
Now words flow through my hands.
The river falls on its own
Over the cliffs of satiation.

The dam has broken..
Like a failing wall, once towering,
Now toppled,
The once still water cascades freely,
Filling my mind.
Running through my arms.
Spewing out my fingertips
Unaided by mental power.
The works I've not posted until now
Have been waiting anxiously
For this moment.

I can't stop writing.
Phrases leave my mouth
Already poetic.
Already emotive
Already grasping
For a chance at publicity

.

No longer pleased by quiet passing,
I write and fill notebooks.
Every scrap of paper is coated,
Bleeding black ink,
Gasping for a chance
To be seen
Before it's crumpled and thrown on the floor,
Gathered with discarded others near the bin

I have completely given out.
Nobody even cares anymore.
I should die without a shout.
Nobody even cares anymore.
I can't keep living life like this.
Nobody even cares anymore.
I feel like I'm falling through an endless abyss.
Nobody even cares anymore.

The country is completely broken,
The state has always been ruined.
Everywhere is fear
The end is drawing near:
Touch your heart and sing a tune.

Nobody remembers the meaning
Behind patriotic songs we sing.
The endless peace they promise,
Lies the way drama is-
The government needs to rethink.

You cannot trust the government
The future of it is endlessly bleak.
The enforcers ooze hatred.
What men breathe is seen sacred.
Though truth is what we seek.

The truth is not in the men.
Political beings only breathe lies.
All things they say are false
They speak of “freedom for all”
Meanwhile, the children in cages cry.

The country is completely broken.
The state is all but crumbled.
Rebellion draws near,
Instating copious fear
But the Man In Charge scoffs untroubled.

A siren wails in the distance-
“Please stand once more for the Pledge.”
We speak of freedom and justice.
We pray and plead for bliss
We’d rather die than follow to the ledge.

We cry out for mercy one final time.
We pray for our Clock’s final chime.
We trudge onward through levels of slime.
We wait for the end of crime.

There is nothing anymore we can do.
Trenches of safety reveal no peaceful view.
The Ending feels like sweet morning dew.
Terrible times will, at last, be through.

One more cry. One more shout.
One more time to figure things out.
One more lie. One more bout
Of joy before our time runs out.

The chorus sings on as if forced by swarms
Of unhappy police with ticking bombs
Ready to light the fuses with no qualms
And end the lives of the morally at arms.

For peace, we scream.
For liberty, we shout.
For love, we yearn.
We bleed life out.

There is almost hope for the country,
But we need others to listen.
If we yell loud enough,
Maybe the future will begin to glisten.

We can save future generations.
We can leave this life with hope.
We can give them a future,
And their future will help me cope.

Thoughts circle the drain
As crimson beads follow 'round,
Chasing thoughts to death
Before the body can be found.

Writing words in his skin,
A young boy looks in the mirror.
He can no longer cry...
His chest rises and falls
Until it rises but falls no longer.
Never flat enough, he screams,
Slashing his wrists to prove he bleeds.
He wants to live... but can't
Seem to escape fate.
He was born wrong.
He doesn't look the way he wants.
He isn't right. Broken.

I am not your daughter.

I'll hide myself in the pits of hell
If that means I can escape
The tint of a toxic faith
In the heavenly realm.

At first I was falling,
Stuck in a whorlwind,
Stragiht for the ****** bin.

Twisting, turning,
Tumbling through-
Then I found you.

You held me firm,
And helped me stand.
Now I know me.
Here I am.

What's stopping me
From ending it here?
Is it the thoughts of my friends?
Some sort of mortal fear?

No. It's none of these.
The only thing keeping me alive
Is the possibility
I might, by some chance, survive.

-Hate yourself to the point of misery

-Slash your skin into oblivion

-Make your flesh a canopy of the hatred you feel

-Still feel numb after all of the pain

-Get yourself a rope

-Hang the rope on a sturdy branch

-Tie the knot properly
         - make a loop
         - spiral the rope around the loop
         - tuck the rope through the loop
         - pull on the end to tighten

-Pull a stool under your necklace

-Stand on the stood and wear your craft

-Kick the stool away

-"Look, Mum! No hands!"

-Think of your mum.... and others you love...

-Gasp for air but find none

-Shed a tear, cry out in agony

-Feel your neck being stretched out

-Remember the lovely touches from your loved ones... Remember how your brother used to nuzzle up by your chest and whisper against your neck

-Remember the times your friends used to hug you around the neck

-Remember the way Their lips felt against your supple skin

-Cry out harshly one final time

...Darkness

                                       Nothing is left anymore...



-You did it!

------------------------------------------------------------­-------------------------
The pain you face doesn't go away when you do. It's simply transferred onto others. The ones who cry at your funeral, the ones who will miss your voice, the ones who notice an empty place where you used to sit, the ones who shed a tear at the mention of your name, and even the ones who seemed to hate you will still love you the same. They'll be devastated. If you ever need to talk with somebody, I've been here before. I've been to the lowest of lows, and I've attempted before. You can always talk with me. My instagram DMs are open all the time. @darlingdrawingqueen

Don't be afraid to reach out. Your life is important, and you are loved by so many people. If not until now, then I love you. I love you so much, and I really want to get to know you.

A few stray pennies,
A nickel, and a dime-
That's all I'll ever need
To have a good time.

I want no glamourous phone
Or the newest fashion trends.
I only need some crackers-
Just enough to meet ends.

I'm a self-made, messy,
Gay *******.
I don't need any help
But a roadside ditch.

I'm a lonesome self-starter
In search of better days,
But all the good times
Just keep running away.

I just want a few quarters
To start me off right
And a piece of stale bread
To get me through the night.

I want to live in a van,
A ******* tent.
I want a ragged, old RV
I don't even have to rent.

I guess what I'm saying is
You don't have to hold me here,
Trapped against my will
Living in pools of rotten fear.

I can live all on my own
In the middle of the woods.
You can forget about me now
I'll be in the past for good.

I'll leave you alone,
Or I can keep escaping free.
What I'm saying is that
You have no real grasp on me.

I've run away before
I'll run away again.
I will keep on running
'Til I get away in the end.

I don't need you
Or anybody else.
All I need is my mind
My bones, and my ugly self.

I'll leave you for good.
I'm no use to you.
Just set me free already
You will forget about me soon.

In every class in school,
There is always the quiet kid
Who says nothing,
But stares menacingly.
You cringe when he reaches in his bag,
And you protect when he's called '***'

My class doesn't have a quiet kid.
As I was looking around,
I realised he is I...

I am he.

Penning my thoughts
Penny's worth weight
Pinning me down
Pounding my skull
Pulling out hairs

This time it was my grandfather..

Mother tells her version of a story
Everyone believes her instead
Getting on her side
And making me wish I was dead

Drown me in ink.
I don't want to see anything.
I want to be choked out
On the one thing that gives life meaning.

Slit my wrists with paper.
I don't want to live anymore.
I want to bleed crimson onto the page
And give meaning to the words I write.

You aren't here
You aren't anywhere.
All you ever do in life
Is blow clouds through the air,
Wasting away through strife.
You know your wife hates it.
You know your children do.
You know that all our money goes
To your selfish habits and you
As your addiction grows

I love you though...
I just wish you'd end this phase-
The one that's spending all our cash
And shortening your days until
You're turned into dust and ash.

You're an absent father
(MY absent father..)
Only here when you need to be
Then you're gone for the end of this verse
And most in between
Either spaced out, asleep, or hearsed.

Love is a word
Love is an emotion
Love is a noun
Love is a feeling
Love is an adjective
Love is visible
Love is a verb
Love is a word

Look to the hills-
Ocean waves float by
Veering to the right
Ever so slightly.

Listen! There it is!
Oh, how the waves turn,
Visiting one another
Evacuating below the tide.

Love is a word.

I just wanna leave this town behind
Ditch all the things that remind
Me of this place.
I wanna live all alone
In my cozy home
That I've made.

I care more about my music than
Any type of mathematic lines.
I need to get away from here
Before I go c'razy in my mind

I'll write the world away
And I'll run and run all day

My frantic verses evolve surely
Leading into failed runs of thought
Or perhaps they'll fly away
Into the sun

Open your eyes.
Break the habit.
Cut the old
With a hatchet.
Don't you worry
Don't you stress.
I will help you
Through the rest.

I'm your mentor.
I'm your guide.
I'll light your way
Through life's ride.
It's no problem.
I'm on your team.
Just take my hand
Before you leap.

It'll be hard.
It'll hurt a little,
But looking back
Where you started
Is such a miracle

I know that I'm crazy.
I know that I'm not okay.
I now don't have a home
I have nowhere to be safe.

I want to cry,
I want to die,
I can't even try
My tears won't dry...