i... i am awake now,
and you... you are not here now...he... he has come and gone...
and we... we are done...you may pack a punch, but your weakness is power, you can’t control me by being louder….im not a puppet with strings, I’m an angel with wings, your chains hold me still, your horrific words could **** but i am stronger than this, i don’t need your lips…i am who i am, now that you're gone. i have the brains, and you had the brawn…look for me not, i'll never return, your words, and your fists.. our love you have burned.
i found your true colors, together they bleed.. but without you in my life, i've found what i need.

I am awake now.
 
I find myself fallin’…fallin’ back in..into another warm sweet grin..the power you have over me is unreal…is this the way I should really feel? Its different this time..this time its just talk..stop screeching at me! You sound like a hawk. Your fist would NEVER touch my face, but your words can hurt in such a deep place…Why don’t you listen, why don’t you try..the things that I need to say aren’t lies..the truth is im happy but feel so alone…I cant believe when im home..im not really home..why do I live in fear of you..i need to wake up and start being true..true to myself and how I feel..i love you YES but is that really enough..why do you have to be so tough? Let me talk and let me feel..who are you to tell me what is real?
I had to change so much for them. For them to love me.. for them to keep me..for them to not leave me.... I am who I am and im starting to see…that this person inside is not really me..  Im starting to find myself again..the girl before the abusive men.. the girl who had passion..the girl who was strong…is this where I really belong? When I said “I do” I meant it with you..but now you are making me feel so blue.  My family I love and yours as well, but truth be told, im under a spell…your spell of love & warmth is so kind, but im thinking that now is my time to shine. Time to reflect and time to think….not to go out and be someone new…just to find me and where she went to. 

I am awake now.

She feels so lost, so alone
Emptiness consumes her soul
Her world has just become unknown
Surrendered to the knife of strife
Cuts so deep, cuts that bleed
Smothered she is by the knife of life

Her heart is ripped to shreds
Her young mind is surrounded by fear
False promises ring in her head
Demons are overtaking her soul
Sacrificed she becomes to the blade
Her release from the never ending cold.

Staring off into the wide open sky
She sees all the stars that shine so bright
Hope starts to glisten back in her eyes
Escaping from all that consumed her mind
the smile once lost, is finding its way back
Slowly but surely…in time

The knife wins again, this time deep
Extreme emotion floods her body
The blood runs down to meet her feet
Her eyes drift off and start to fade
Her world has just come to close
Her soul surrendered to the blade


She screams out for help in her own little way
But no one is there…
She is left in the shadows, left behind in the darkness

What do you see when you look at me?
A girl who has confidence, who lives carefree?
I put up a good front, a good show for you all,
But in reality I’m feeling rather quite small.

My “double life”, as I like to call it, is tearing me apart.
This is too much to handle for my kind and soulful heart.
I’m feeling quite lost and almost alone.
Then I think of you and I feel close to home.

I can’t sleep, eat, or breathe…
Just to have you close is what I seem to need.
My heart aches in agony everyday that goes by.
To see you face again, I just close my eyes.

Every day I go about and do the same things.
It’s hard to believe this is all my life brings.
Then I look in the mirror and see my face.
I don’t feel like I belong in this place.

The other part of me is slowly coming out.
The woman who was strong is starting to shout!
It’s OK to be scared it’s OK to feel pain.
Stand up for yourself! Try not to refrain!

Yes, you have opened my eyes to help me see.
You’ve helped me realize that this is not me.
To “get away” from you is not what is right.
The bond that we have has been bound so tight.

I know that I am causing you so much distress.
I just don’t feel that leaving you is for the best.
This is what my “double life” leads.
A woman who is torn with so many dreams
Does she listen to her heart or does she follow her head?
Or, is her life just better off dead?