Lystra Barraquias

Lystra Barraquias May 2015

Does it ever cross his mind
that he never even left mine?

A scribbled thing on my planner last year.

Lystra Barraquias May 2015

Bakit hangang ngayon?!? ...
Bakit hanggang ngayon.
Ang pangalan mo pa rin ang pinuputak ng bunganga ko
Napapagod na ang mga taengang nakikinig
Nangangawit na ang dilang ikaw pa rin ang hinihiling
Pag kalipas ng isang taon---
Bakit hanggang ngayon?

Ang puso ko’y tumatalon, kumikirot, natatakot, nalulungot
Marinig lang ang pangalan mo.
Makita lang ang anino mo---
At  oo. Nakikita pa rin kita.
Sa bawat matang aking pinagmamasdan---
Sa bawat kamay na aking hinahawakan
Sa bawat lalaking aking sinubukan ibigin nung tayo’y natapos
Hinahanap-hanap ang iyong mahihigpit na yakap
Ang iyong bisig na pumulupot sa aking bewang, leeg--- buong katawan
Ang matatamis na salita na iyong inaawit at inaawit… at inaawit ng paunti-unti…
Paunti-unting lumalapit. Sumusuyo sa pusong nakatago, nakakulong.

Bakit hanggang ngayon?
Kung saan man ako tumingin.
Nandyan ka pa din sa malapit---

Nakiki-usap ako, o aking multo, layuan mo na ako.
Tama na.
Ayoko na.
Pagod na ako sa parati **** pagdating sa hating gabi, ang iyong pagbisita sa aking mahimbing na panaginip
Nilulunod ako ng iyong mga huling salita
Nag-mamakaawa at humihiling ng kakarampot na pagmamahal
At alam ko’y ako  na rin ang syang pumatay
Sa iyo---
nung pinag-kait ko ang iyong ninanais na pag-ibig.

Dahil ako’y naunahan ng pangamba, ng pag-duda.
Eto ba ang iyong parusa? O SIGE NA! IKAW NANG PANALO!
Sasabihin ko na ang gusto **** marinig—mga salitang dapat dati ko pa sinabi:
          Minahal kita.

Mahal na mahal pa rin kita---
Patawad sa aking pag-tangi,
Patawad sa sakit at pait.
Patawad.

I haven't performed in a year and there was an open mic thing so I impromptu made a #hugot poem :)))

#spokenword #hugot

Lystra Barraquias May 2015

Para kay...

Mahal,
Irog,
Sinta.
Aking santa na sinasamba;
Minamahal kitang tunay at taos puso akong nanalig---
Ninanais na patuloy na manatili sa yakap ng matitipuno **** bisig
kung saan ako'y nakatali at nakakapit

Aking isusulat ang mga gusto kong sabihin
dahil hindi sapat na ibuka ko ang aking bibig,
mga kamay ko'y may sariling tinig.

Mahal kita, mahal.
Mahal na mahal.

I promised my mom I would start practicing my Filipino skills HAHA I tried.

#filipino

Lystra Barraquias Apr 2015

A message from my Father

Don’t run away from me, child.
I have seen you struggle and surpass the storms.
Have watched you as you claw your way up from the ground---
Trying to breathe through your mud-filled lungs;
Struggle no more: I will breathe life into you.
Don’t be afraid.
To reach for your dreams
Lift your eyes and see the stars I have placed before you
My dear, you shine brighter than any of them.
Your enemies stand their ground
But I am your tower: the protector
From me comes your power
So be strong.
Stronger than ever before and don’t be afraid to conquer
This life I have gifted to you.
Remember, that you are not alone
You see--- I have written my love letter to you in blood.
I will never leave you nor forsake you.

Be afraid no more.

Lystra Barraquias Apr 2015

To the Boy Who Writes:

For his broken lover; your flightless angel
Because a long time ago her wings got swept away by violent winds
And her song stolen by the loss of it.
Please know that I am with you.
I admire you:
Your dying devotion to her that leaves you hurting
As kindness is traded with knives
And kisses with claws
As little talks turn to shouting marathons
And you run to have smoke.
Please know that I admire you.
You made me believe again in something
I hope she does so too.

For his almost lover; the friend whom you have
But wish to lose--- only to gain something better.
You make me smile.
Not from ear to ear…
But a small quiet, contented smile
I have seen you grow
From a young romantic boy
To the man you are now
I am proud of you ---
Rooting for you the way a sister does
And I wish you all the best for your conquest
Claim her heart, young man.
You’ve already won the prize.

For two friends who continue loving even if it's hard and uncertain :)

Lystra Barraquias Apr 2015

I Want Out

Every time I look at you and smile
It kills me inside to know that you’re not mine
But you could be
You were
And to be honest I just want out
Of this façade
We trudge along broken mirrors
Trying to go back level zero
It’s hopeless
It’s pointless
With our feet bleeding
And toxic seeping
In our conversations
Behind my laughs and smiles
Is a lover who wants out.

Friendship just won’t do.

Lystra Barraquias Feb 2015

When It’s Hard To Be Grateful

I’ll remember that I came from dust
And there’s no one else that I can trust
but You
My Provider;
My Father;
My Creator.

When my wants crumble
And I tremble
Out of frustration
And probably anger
I’ll remember
To still bring You praise,
Worshiping Your name.

For this life isn’t mine
But Yours

For this isn’t my story,
My life is for Your glory.