i lay awake at night
and
listen to the sound the rain makes.
it spatters onto the ground with such purpose
that i can not help but feel jealousy in the pit
of my empty stomach.
the rain knows where its going and where its been.
i wander, confused at who i am and who i'm going to be.
i crave the feeling of certainty.
to know if i'm going to pull the string attached to my lips
and pull it into another forced smile another day.
i lay awake at night and
wish to be a drop of rain.

Cogs and free wheels chains and hubs
Twist and turns loud creeks and rubs
Sears and Snap-on won't do the job
Park and Pedro worth a few bob

Your problems are complex and real
You're tormented cry: squeak and squeal
Not a job for the feeble man
I have the tools, do what I can

Put you in my vice and hold tight
Crank the toggle bolt, torqued just right
I am the wrench to smooth your ride
Hand me the tools, stand by my side

You had to sleep on the couch and I slept on the floor next to you
because I kept falling off.
And I knew you were tired.
And I knew.

I had 5 cigarettes this morning.
I saw you off and sent you one for the road.
And I knew you were happy.
I knew.

Do you want anything?
How do you feel?
I want to know.
Tell Me.

I'll never make it up to you.
You know what I did.

I know what I did.

Remember that time you cried?
I know.

Each time we touched back we remembered:
Sitting on the stoop and realizing this is that feeling.
A vague cloud, huge and looming
Constant.
Let's keep describing experiences as positive or negative.
Keep learning with me.
Flick, Flick, Flick
Another thought lost to the rest,
memories gone, but who cares if they are stored
in the first place
Just to be pushed out and replaced with a surge of new
Clouds of feeling.
"The world,
I toss it to the side and look at you and it doesn't matter."