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Shaky nicotine fingers gather in small groups
Talks of old ghosts
And new designer boots.
My deeply religious uncle still savors acid
I guess we’re still tripping
Over the ways we once lauded.
Techno reminds me of lost ecstasy days
Read to me your Russians
As at your mouth I gaze.
I’ve fallen into sin once again
And I’m trying to clamber out-
Shrewd judgments from churchmen.
These conversations of dreams and desires
Climbing mountains, kleptomania
Of these things I eternally tire.
“I want you so badly.”
Let us begin our prayer to the Lord.
“Come closer to me.”
Lord have mercy.
“Oh my God you taste so good.”
Pray for the sick, the suffering.
“Bite me harder.”
We praise thee, we bless thee.
“I want you inside of me.”
That our whole day be sinless and perfect.
“Oh my God. Oh my God.”
*May the Lord bless and protect each
and every
one
of
you.
 Jan 2014 Raymond Johnson
Alex
We are all forever trapped in a prison of our own making. Hands tied and ankles heavy, there lie circlets where the kiss of our patient executioner's lips have left the skin stained red. It matters little, the poisoned despairing prisoner; it matters not the perilous journey, the illusioned destination or the immeasurable wear. Each and everyone of us is weighed down or tied to something-- a being, a duty or a cause. These, the cells we can never truly escape.

It comes in many forms, our personal Jailguard. Some wear them in metal: iron, gold, or silver. Some choose to be restrained by more delicate materials like a string of pearls, a measure of satin ribbon. The hand that seals the lock and throws the key may sometimes be ours or unbeknownst to the sufferer but it does little to appease the reality of its damnable existence.

No matter the material, the wearer, the cause.. Chains, like God or smoke or most anything supernatural... Are only as real as the faith you invest in its power.
 Jan 2014 Raymond Johnson
berry
i still remember the first night we fell asleep on the phone together. i don't recall why you were crying and i'm sorry that you probably do. but i sang to you. i sang to you until you were silent. and that became a ritual for us. my voice carried you into dreams and i had never felt so important before. i didn't know it was possible to think the way someone snored was cute but night after night you proved me wrong. the moments before sleep were occupied by conversations of the future we wanted to build. we talked about being together in our bed in our house someday. i conjured up countless images of memories yet to be made that served as pictures on the pages of stories you told me. those images are still stuck to the walls of my skull, clinging to them as if to say, "but he promised." every time i try to peel them off they scream. i told you from the beginning the way promises tie my stomach in knots and most of the time you were careful. but at 4am when my voice was drowning in sobs i let you tell me you weren't going anywhere. you told me to breathe, suddenly i could. and you kept doing stupid little things until i gave in and laughed. i felt you smile. promises still made me feel sick. but i needed your consistency. the nights i had to fall asleep without you were hell. they always turned into red-eyed mornings where i watched the sun rise before managing only a few hours of dreamless sleep. i always woke up tired. i looked for you in other voices but none of them fit. your promises still lingered in my head. you said my heart would never be broken again, and i know this is not your fault, but i have been picking glass from my lungs for 17 days and the bleeding hasn't stopped.

- m.f
A dark night
Littered with stars and rain
   freshwater claims a sliver of consciousness
A simple word
   a lonely question
     "Why?"
You take my face into your hands
   letting your eyes close on minor chords
It's almost silent
   save for piano
     and nervous breathing
Your forehead on mine seems to speak
   directly to my thoughts
an arrow to my subconscious
An injection to my strength
   weakness in quiet trembles
lovely petals of black and grey
falling on our awestruck countenances
   augmenting the watery streaks of light
strewn sideways across your freckled skin
A hesitant thirst
   not eager to be quenched
finally satisfied
   Consent in closed eyes and soft pressure
Fingers caught lovelily in strands
   of tired hair
Come out of the rain
The lake is frozen over
   and so are your eyes
Weather like this is rare
crystalline beads of moisture
collecting on blankets of ice
You are otherworldly in the moonlight
but your limbs still struggle to bridge the gaps between what was and what we are now
From the driver's seat I can't tell if it's my words
   or your dreams
trapped beneath your collarbones
For now it doesn't matter
I want to know your ribs like the back of my hand
When you sit, almost weightless, in the passenger seat, you smell of wildflowers
I want you to paint them all over my cold skin
Welcome me into the springtime that is your legs
can you remember who you were,
before all the scripts for you were written
in indelible ink, black curled cursive
on obedient lined white pages,
replacing Rembrandt scribbles in fresh dirt
where you made five toed tracks to towers
that pierced the clouds, where you battled dragons  
your young flesh never singed, by their flaming breath  
your silver sword never blood sullied, by your slaying slashes  
that saved the world, until you fearlessly found other foe  
from which to rescue a world worth redemption  
before you learned to read
the menacing mendacity of truth  
writ by those who scoffed
dragons could not be slain  
the world was to be full of pain  
and your once great winged notions
were but moments of madness
The sun hasn't set this summer.
The thought of you is always here to stretch my days
into centuries. Even when you are absent, in every
way, my afternoons will not surrender. Sometimes
I dream of stars and where they may be stranded now.
You tell me I imagined the night and every secret
you stuffed inside of my skull. Do you remember
when I would kiss soft songs along your spine and
in return you gave me stamps for the love notes
I still haven't sent? I guess I still say to much, but
if I didn't would you have seen the springtime or
those sapphires in your eyes? You still stare at me
as if I can be saved. I say this sweetly, I
have accepted that I will never sleep soundly
again. So grant me without a goodbye, and I'll let
this sickness make you sorry. Finally,
let the sun set, sing only to her,
and give me back myself.
You played piano almost as well as you played with my heartstrings.
You live with excitement nobody can echo with a voice
stronger than yours. I was following my heart, as you had
directed me to do. I found myself at your doorstep. You always claimed I'd be the last
person you'd turn away. I can be strong for the both of us and go, but I know
someday I'll find myself wandering back to the light at the end of your drive. I hope
you won't let me in. You were never one to invite strangers inside.
If we meet again, will I have the chance to introduce myself as
someone other than your killer? Murdering you
in my own attempt to destroy myself was never my intention. Speaking to
your back was the only easy way to say "I love you".
I hope you always turn around when you're headed my direction. I hope
you always stay the same. I hope you never forgive me.
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