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trcain 7d
I can spend all day
Playing with my hair

My curls and my straights
And the occasional knots

Watching with disappointment
As they slither down my hand

My fingernails against my scalp
Gripping the hair, calculated firmness

I could tear some out
If I wished to
trcain 7d
Buzz of a laughter
Feedback numb
Nothing no more
Just echoes in my ears

Blue sky looked on by
Macabre eyes
The visit passed the limit
She sliced off my

Heartfelt loneliness
Skeptical angels
With their cynical remarks
Trying to get me to feel

Something I don't know what
It is a chip of a bird
That I once quieted for
It is a word of a lover

Who must still love me so
But there is a churning in me
A swirling spiral of nothingness
I hear my time is up
trcain Jul 3
Love me,
won't you?

you don't have better things to do, anyway.
we should meet on tuesday, and we should ****.

fine, make love.
but we're not making love, are we? we're drowning love.
we're drowning it with moans and curses and touches,
until love is just a faint reminiscence of our fantasies.

you always hated the way I talked.
like I knew everything and anything.
old man, you said. I talked like an old man tired of life.

well, old men aren't tired of life. They're tired of pain.
and that's sexist, **** you. old women can also be tired of life.

I feel old as the wind in my face
I feel it's creaks and groans and whispers
and the way they ask me to fall

it blew me out of you
and I grew tired of pain
and you never listened.

You should have listened.

Let's love,
shall we?
and see what fantasies we can ruin.
trcain Jul 3
Doors in my mind
A lethargic breeze
Shutting them closed

Your knocks
Interrupting my monologue
Of solitude

Please go away.
I can't, I can't.
"Stay."

Keep knocking down my words
Keep reminding me of my world
Keep making me want to

Go outside
and
Face you
trcain Jun 30
I clutched at my knees
the beats before her voice
ramming into me repeatedly

The noises in my mind
Too bright, too abrupt
an incoherent strum of notes

I never should have
given you anything
memories dangling in your fist
trcain Jun 30
Head full of clouds
She pedals
her bicycle
a butterfly floats, low

and as wind whispers
it's futile
suicidal attempt
it strikes her stomach

Her lips curling around
a scream
looks down
And it is gone
trcain Jun 19
Daddy
I've done some
*******

I taste
your disapproval
Lips shining around a slit of air
and eyes
foreboding
daring me to laugh

I taste
my highness
my hair white
as clouds
bobbing through the Neverlands

I've been reminded
of you
Daddy

In the fatherless boy
the mirror whispers of
You have my eyes
and I have your
deadness

It's all
because of you
My dear dear father
who had the graciousness
to make me
who had the audacity
to leave me

Because
I never
needed you

I have done too much,
I hope,
Daddy
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