Every now and then
I find myself catching glances
Of faces
Behind dashboards of
Yellow myvis
Hopeful
To see your face again
Even if its just a mirrored shadow
Of your silhouette

Dalam retrospeksi
minda naif kecilku pernah berimaginasi
memikirkan dunia luar sana yang bagaikan fantasi
hati merontakan suatu kebebasan yang diimpi
namun kini ku sedari, itu semua hanyalah persepsi
seorang gadis kecil yang dahulunya bercita-cita tinggi
masa sudah tiba untuk kembali ke realiti.

Selamat datang ke Kota Korupsi
di mana manusia-manusia bertopengkan syaitan
kehausan kuasa, kerakusan harta duniawi
dipuja, dipuji dan disanjung tinggi
pil penawar pula makanan ruji untuk depresi
tiada lagi tempat mengadu, tempat meluahkan hati
hanya tinggal kata-kata yang kehilangan erti
terpapar di kotak skrin empat segi.

Bangsaku semakin alpa, agamaku jauh sekali
soal halal haram tidak dipertikaikan lagi
hanya topik sembang santai di kedai kopi
bicara hari nanti ditolak dahulu ke tepi.

Dunia yang dahulu semakin pudar
hanya serpihan di hujung sudut memori
masa berlalu terlalu pantas, terlepas dari jari-jemari
sekarang sudahpun tiba generasi baru menapakkan kaki
namun, lihatlah sejarah mengulangi dirinya sekali lagi
selagi nafas belum terhenti
selagi kita belum pergi.

I am still
In deep thought-
Wondering, how easy I’ve let you slipped
From my hands
And from my heart

--

Let’s take a step back
And recount the moments
Recollect the memories
Reminisce the good old days
And reassess this overnight decision I’ve impulsively taken

Let’s take a few more steps back
And remember the first time I met you
Back in high school
The first time I said hi
And thought you were cute

You were a plethora of my firsts
The first boy bestfriend I’ve ever had
The first boy to ever ask me out on dates
The first boy to talk to me on a daily basis
The first boy I ever liked…. Who actually liked me back

Undoubtedly,
You were my first love

I thought I loved you like I’d never love anyone else
I told you everything
Wrecked these walls I’ve sheltered from for so long
Just to hand you this little fragile heart of mine
Through the cracked linoleum and the broken glass windows
I gave you a golden ticket and an aerial view
To my world

And after two years,
In the end,
You did decide to return the favour
You trusted me enough
To let me enter this mystical world of yours
These two dimensions you seem to always get lost in
Those two roads diverged in a wood
That you can never seem to wrap your head around
and choose

As I write this,
I start to realise why and how I stopped loving you

I think I got tired
Of trying to pull you up
As you let yourself drown in the seas
of your undecided thoughts

I stopped loving you
The moment you say “I’m going to change”
But the next day you woke up
You put on the same old clothes
You took the same route
To the place that led you exactly back to where you once were

I got sick of
Saying the same things
Over and over again
Asking you to change
Only to expect nothing in return

Truth be told
As similar as we are as people
We live in worlds too distant apart
Your world is too foreign for me, too fast and scary
Whereas my world is too small and tightly guarded, all child’s play

As much as I’d want to love you
I can’t seem to do so
And if I could, I'd say this a million times to you

I truly am sorry.

I mean, look at this. Look at it! A world built on fantasy. Synthetic emotions in the form of pills. Psychological warfare in the form of advertising. Mind-altering chemicals in the form of... food! Brainwashing seminars in the form of media. Controlled isolated bubbles in the form of social networks. Real? You want to talk about reality? We haven't lived in anything remotely close to it since the turn of the century. We turned it off, took out the batteries, snacked on a bag of GMOs while we tossed the remnants in the ever-expanding Dumpster of the human condition. We live in branded houses trademarked by corporations built on bipolar numbers jumping up and down on digital displays, hypnotizing us into the biggest slumber mankind has ever seen. You have to dig pretty deep, kiddo, before you can find anything real. We live in a kingdom of *******. A kingdom you've lived in for far too long. So don't tell me about not being real. I'm no less real than the ******* beef patty in your Big Mac.

- Mr Robot

"We cannot imagine how to be happy, but such wild imagination is the secret to happiness."

In visions of the dark night
  I have dreamed of joy departed—
But a waking dream of life and light
  Hath left me broken-hearted.

Ah! what is not a dream by day
  To him whose eyes are cast
On things around him with a ray
  Turned back upon the past?

That holy dream—that holy dream,
  While all the world were chiding,
Hath cheered me as a lovely beam,
  A lonely spirit guiding.

What though that light, thro’ storm and night,
  So trembled from afar—
What could there be more purely bright
  In Truth’s day star?