the sun sets in my rearview mirror
as i drive away
you told me not to leave you
truth is i wanted to stay
i cannot turn around
because i know its wrong
but i never told you
i wanted you all along
because you mean to much to me
but if i tell you the truth
what will you think
wanting someone you can't have
I can’t eat
You’re toxic antics are always on my mind
Stupid stupid stupid
I was so stupid I didn’t see anything you were doing
Until the very last second
And when I tried to end it you broke down and took me on a guilt trip road trip
And I was stupid
But you broke me down
You snapped me in half
And then snapped that in half
Until I was but the smallest atom
And you know what happens when you split an atom
and now that you aren’t with me anymore
You can’t stand the fact that I might be doing just a little bit better than you
You can’t stand not talking to me
But all you still want to do is fight about
Why did any of this matter?
I told you to grow up but instead we continued to grow apart.
Self-absorbed manipulators don’t grow up.
They move onto the next one
“Hello my name is emotionally abusive, want to get coffee?”
I was lost.
Perhaps I still am.
But I had no one, no where to go, and nothing left.
I was so broken.
I wanted to start over with a new face, name, and back story.
No one understood.
I wanted to fly off for the summer.
I wanted to find myself in some cliche movie where I go to another land and eat exotic food and meet people who are so different yet the same as me.
Life isn't a cliche movie.
I found that you have to fight, and you can't just walk away from something and never look back again. You'll end up right where you started.
So maybe I'm still lost. I'm trying to find out what I need to say and do and believe in.
But we're all lost.
I've been trying to collect my feelings
process everything since the night we said goodbye
maybe I'm confused
maybe I'm worried you will find someone better
I don't want to seem weak
I can figure this out
But each day I wake up and you are the first thing on my mind
and you stay there all day and night
and even show up in my dreams
because i still love everything about you
but I'm scared
really really confused
every time i see your headlights come up the road
and pull into my drive
my stomach turns and my heart races
just like the first time i saw them
the moon lit up the clouds
so that every detail was visible
and by the way the clouds were moving
it looked like the rotation of the earth
slowly i watched
and wondered if it could be
but i was moving faster away from the moon
and it slowly disappeared
You are the stars I see in my dreams
Not like the ones in space
You are brighter and bigger
And light up the sky more than the sun
I woke up at 3 am yesterday morning and this happened.