Crash, bang, wallop
She collided with the shelf
A free standing unit
Until she grabbed it to steady herself

Down did it topple
Raining glass on her head
Sending everything flying
Through the air, what a mess!

Wine glasses, flutes, tumblers
And a vase
All hit the deck
And smashed into shards

Oh, what a racket
And a mess to behold
The nincompoop just stood there
And couldn’t be consoled

But it’s no use crying
Over spilt milk
And in her inebriated state
The thought of cleaning did she jilt

Drunk and disorderly
She sent herself to bed
Knowing that tomorrow
She’d have a thumping head

So leaving shattered
glass
All over the floor
Off did she teeter
To think about it no more

In the afternoon
When at last she awoke
The carpet was glistening
As if covered in snow

It shone and it sparkled
Like a night of a thousands stars
She wondered what’d occurred
Until her memory was jarred

By treading barefoot
Onto a sizeable piece of glass
That tore into her instep
Causing her to curse

Jumping up and down
With stinging, bleeding feet
She surveyed the considerable damage
Shocked at the scene

Of all her lovely glassware
Lying broken on the floor
A shattered picture frame
A teacup that was no more

Oops, thought she
What a flaming disaster
I’d better get a shovel
And hoover up straight after

And so she did
And all was fine
Apart from the ****
Which would heal in time

The moral of this story
Is nail your shelves down
And don’t put glass atop them
If you’re a drunken clown.

And so to bed
My weary body goes
Heavy and aching
I lift my toes

On to the mattress
And lie comfortably down
Pulling close the duvet
I cocoon myself in its mound

Drowsiness takes over
I settle my head
Into the pillow
Close my eyes and rest

It’s been a long day
And I’m feeling weak
Goodnight world
I’m off to sleep.

Run into the sun
As fast as you can
Catch it while it’s there
You know you want to run

High in the sky
Shining so bright
Lighting up the world
Putting wrongs to right

Where were you hiding -
You took so long to rise?
Now here you are
Right before my eyes

Golden and hot
Your rays beam down on me
Warming my skin
Winter a memory

We all come alive
And feel our spirits lift
Out in the fresh air
To be a part of it

Summer now dawns
Get ready to partay
We’ve waited so long
To feel this heavenly way.

Don’t you burst my bubble
Or rain on my parade
I’m walking on sunshine
Not stepping in your shade

I am on a high
Things are going fine
Got a spring in my step
And I’m feeling divine

Join me if you want to
But do not bring me down
Had enough of negativity
And never will I drown

Firing on all cylinders
Bursting with energy
Feeling light and zingy
Effervescent and carefree

As if I could actually fly
To the magical end of a rainbow
On the wings of a unicorn
Wafting which way the wind blows

Through iridescent, turquoise skies
And fluffy cappuccino clouds
Dodging dancing golden rays
That glisten all around

This vibe is sublime
I’m not causing any trouble
So stay out of my way
I won’t let you burst my bubble.

Used to like watching tv
Now it just makes me bored
Used to love you and me
When it was fun - how I adored

Now my rhythm’s all over the place
And so is my aching head
From too much time
Wasted on someone
Who would rather be in bed

Always too tired or broke it seems
To live Iife to the full
I’m sitting surrounded by shattered dreams
Feeling an ache I wish would dull

A wasted effort
Too much did I give
This depletion is real
Emptied out through combative

Exchanges and retorts
They say romance is dead
Stillborn with you
From beginning to end

So I take my leave
And throw in the towel
Wipe the slate clean
Before I fall foul

To another broken heart
Like the pieces of my dreams
Scattered all around me
Unpicked at the seams

Salvaging something from the wreck
That’s sinking to the bottom of the ocean bed
A smidgin of that stuff named dignity
That will keep me afloat now at last I  am free...

What a palaver
When your account’s been slammed
No internet or landline
Communications jammed

Who’s to blame?
Plusnet/Skye/EE?
All say “No!
It wasn’t me!”

So while they pass me
From pillar to post
I report them to OFFCOM
Now surely they’re toast

Can’t cut me off
For two whole weeks
And expect me to roll over
And turn the other cheek

I’ve been stitched up
Through no fault of my own
WIFI is no more
Running through my home

So I sit and I wait
Under house arrest
From the crack of dawn ‘til noon
At their inconvenient behest

For an engineer to appear
And rectify my plight
Get me back online
Before I lose my se

He’s cutting it really fine
This elusive man from BT
Another telecoms co.
To add to the other three

You’d think between the four of them
They could sort this major mess out
Not condemn me to more complaining
And shooting off my mouth

I’ve already had to take
A whole day off of work
Pay to use a net cafe
And it’s driving me berserk

Buy some extra data
So I can surf at least from my phone
And now I am a prisoner
A jailbird having a moan

Fast forward now an hour
The swine did not show up
Called Plusnet again
And spoke to some other dumb fk

Who told me my order was cancelled
By Orange - what a joke!
Another corporation to add to the mix
Now that’s five I want up in smoke

She then changed her tune
After putting me on hold
For an interminable time
As my blood boiled with these woes

“Oh sorry he came at 9
And fixed things externally”
A day off work was not required -
Well thanks for telling me!

Incandescent I tear into her ear
Wishing I could slap her face
If only this rep of Plusnet were here
What a ***** up, an utter disgrace!

“Yes, it’s unfortunate”
Understatement of the year
I’m seething at this heartless t*t

Who unfortunately doesn’t
Empathise
And is only increasing my wrath

So I ask for the boss
To lodge a complaint
I’m that flaming angry
I could actually faint

I must wait for a call
As he’s not around
Typical, I think
What a bunch of clowns.

I’ll update again
When I have more news
Until then must I simmer
As my screws are now loose.

Plusnet I hate you
You’re customer service is dire
You just tell me lies
I want to set you on fire

I’m no arsonist
But it’s been nearly a month
And still no flaming WiFi
Now I’ve really got the ****

And I know all about humps
As I was recently on a camel
And through that I’ve learned to hiss and spit
And p**s like these unruly mammals

I’ve conquered sand dunes
On the back of these beasts
And shall take you down too
If you persist giving me beef

Should’ve been last week
Now it’s going to be next
Stop moving the goal posts!
Can’t you see how I’m vexed?!

You say there’s a fault
On my line
That YOU disconnected
Then CHARGED me a fine!

You won’t refund me
Until it’s all been fixed
But fix it you can’t
You complete and utter *****!

I’ve spoken to OFFCOM
About my complaint
And drafted a letter
That clearly states

What berk’s you are
What incompetent buffoons!
To allow me to be slammed
Then rub salt into my wounds!

By making me pay
For the service I haven’t got
It’s laughable really
But I kid you not

So the saga continues:
I’m disconnected still
Hope you enjoyed the sequel
But to live I’m losing the will