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3.3k · May 2013
Rachel Mary May 2013
as i wonder
about the ways of the world
i feel my heart ponder
for i'm just a girl

i like to dream
and think about stars
but i dont like to scream
or talk about scars

i can be shy
and i can be very loud
but i only cry
when there's no-one around

(always, i wish)
2.5k · May 2013
delusional intelligence
Rachel Mary May 2013
the world
turns too fast
and makes you dizzy
and deluded
but you like it
because insanity
is better than being
Rachel Mary Jul 2013
Watch me
But don't look at me
Talk to me
But don't speak to me
Touch me
But don't feel me

I desire to be noticed
And I want to be seen
Yet I'm frightened of social interaction
And beckoning from behind the screen
1.8k · May 2013
Rachel Mary May 2013
i am rich
and i am wealthy
in thoughts
and theories

plentiful amounts
of numb ideas
emerge in my mind
and sustain themselves
with the help
of insecurity
and the inability to express them
Rachel Mary Apr 2013
but i want to smile
and i want to be free
but i like being sad
and i despise being me
1.5k · Jul 2013
Rachel Mary Jul 2013
I'm smitten
I'm in love
Track listings written
Hounds of love
1.4k · Apr 2013
the ignorance
Rachel Mary Apr 2013
and sometimes
you find yourself
sitting alone
with nowhere
to go
and you smile
for the bitter feeling
of having no use
numbs you
and makes you feel
Rachel Mary Jun 2013
if i could think
wonderful thoughts
i would not hesitate
in portraying them to the world

if i could draw
i would not pause
in turning the pages for people to see

if i could write
beautiful words
i wouldn't stop
when handing them to people

so why is it
in the thing i do most
i am shy
and terrifed
for what people will say
when i am a ghost
1.1k · Jul 2013
the bright side of the moon
Rachel Mary Jul 2013
the bright side
of the moon
is something seen quite rarely
the bright side
of the moon
is percieved as never scary
but let me tell you, dearest foe,
brightness is riddled with woe
happiness is just a myth
and being sane just lasts a blip
when you're stuck inside a mind
where all your thoughts are crude; unkind
wanting to escape this pit
isn't frequent, never a hit
i like being here;
the dark side of the moon
( in fact i'm in my house, trapped in my room )
998 · Apr 2013
twinkling lights
Rachel Mary Apr 2013
isn't it sad
how the twinkling lights
in the distance
entice us,
into making solid plans
for our futures
and how
we are deluded
and tricked
into believing
those twinkling lights
are our guiding star?
995 · Jun 2013
self perception
Rachel Mary Jun 2013
life can be
a little difficult
if you're one of the bigger girls

life can often
make you sad
if your face
if not as fair as the rest

life can hurt you
if you see
things in your dull brown eyes
and not beautiful blue

life can always
dishearten you
if you're ugly
and feeling blue
882 · Jul 2013
Rachel Mary Jul 2013
~~~~psychedelic mania ~~~~
831 · Aug 2013
holden ca(tcher)ulfield
Rachel Mary Aug 2013
oh holden,
you  despise the  phony things
oh holden,
your demise is challenging
oh holden,
you appear selfish, but you know you're not
oh holden,
you prevent others from the rot
oh holden,
the bitter rot you know too well
oh holden,
the rot you always felt
oh holden,
how i hope you're fine
oh holden,
the catcher in the rye
818 · Nov 2013
Rachel Mary Nov 2013
i crave his body and his thoughts ,
the way he looks at me
i crave his kisses and his touch,
things that i value oh so much

and there are many miles between us
and many miles are so,
but there are trains and there's a bus
that take away my woe

to not see him is to be lone
upon this spinning ball
but he is what i want and need
when with him, i'm home
Rachel Mary Oct 2016
i write from the 1st of october. i write from cold air and turning seasons. from hazy days and lazy days and 'maybe things will be okay's. i write from stale bread and cold tea cause id made it at half past three, and the wind is blowing.
and i want to wear my dads big old fairisle jumper because somehow, it always smells of him. and the wind is blowing.
i write from the 1st of october. i write from endless evenings and too many cigarettes and a craving for my mothers supermarket box wine. i write from tired eyes and floaty songs and i write because im feeling fine. and time is passing before my eyes and it makes me feel uneasy because these are the years i want to remember. the 1st of octobers and 6th of februraries and 27th of mays. and all the other days.
i write from the 1st of october. i write from awful poetry and laddered tights and dreams about boys that got lost in the city. in more ways than one.
i write from the 1st of october, and the wind is blowing.
796 · Nov 2013
intricate attributes
Rachel Mary Nov 2013

  the colour of your eyes

           the way you laugh

                    the music you like

                              the time you sleep

are very important
      to those

                        who fall in love with you
i dont know and neither do you
720 · Jun 2013
dawn, dusk and twilight
Rachel Mary Jun 2013
you told me
you would love me
in the dawn
in the dusk
in the twilight
and i believe you
711 · Aug 2013
willow in the wind
Rachel Mary Aug 2013
oh how the strings of the willow leaves
dangle , delicately from the strong and majestic branches
oh,how the beauty of willow trees
is soaked up in the array of quick glances
the glances, made by a stranger
when perhaps keeping children from danger
or perhaps in a dream, when sleeping
why is the willow still weeping?
704 · Jul 2013
Rachel Mary Jul 2013
The ugly building
Supposed to milden the devastating perils of the destruction of the body of a loved one ; or unloved one.
Or perhaps, it is not a destruction . Perhaps it is merely the transition from body to dust ( from dust , to nothing).
For how are we to proceed? Knowingly pacing the wooden floors that the person you once called ' dad' is perished , gone only to the foreign lands , far away to the sky .
Amidst the trees , that is where their eyes will once again meet , and that is far to future , and far to the past. It is only how we perceive such death that affects us. Negatively . Positively . It is a deduction from the world , a gain to the stars. Death is not a pity. Death is a rebirth.
Sorry this is not a poem but I needed to get it out
694 · Jun 2013
why are you weird
Rachel Mary Jun 2013
you are very strange
and not in a good manner
id like to see you change
and be a little thinner

you are not very clever
you're clumbsy with your words
'you wont get into heaven
if you're head's stuck in the world'

for these words do repulse you
and obviously , no
you are not hating truth
just dont know where to go
662 · Oct 2013
i am the reverb
Rachel Mary Oct 2013
i am the reverb
i am the plague
im the bad word ;
the misbehave
i am lust
and I am mud
and I am greed
and I am thud
i am the pain
and the knife
im not the mother;
im not the wife
i am the greed of the hungry
the need of distrust
god, you indulge me
resisting the lust
you are tall
And you are kind
but to me yet , you're not inclined
but I persevere , i carry on
like the verse into a song
what I want ,is your attention
what you give is not enough
i want you now., i want you gentle
i want you now, i want your lust
660 · Jun 2013
jt xxx
Rachel Mary Jun 2013
i was going to write a poem about you
but i decided
you're not worth it
624 · Jun 2013
Rachel Mary Jun 2013
I want his arms wrapped around me
His breath on my neck,
The warmth  from his exhaling
travelling down my chest
I want his hands
Interlinked with my own
I want his voice in my ear
Telling me not to moan
I want his gaze and to hold it
Like he so majestically holds me
618 · Jun 2013
the osculator
Rachel Mary Jun 2013
she liked it
when they looked at her
she didnt feel as though they were noticing her flaws
as many others do
she gave herself to them
innocently, devilishly;
a promiscuous shadow of her sober self
Rachel Mary May 2013
there is a difference
between loving
and living
and i
can do neither
so what is my use?
579 · Jun 2013
happy hypocrite
Rachel Mary Jun 2013
i am a hypocrite
but who is not?
irony irony irony
i can't wait to rot
576 · Jun 2013
I really hate my body
Rachel Mary Jun 2013
I really hate my body
It's actually grotesque
Why can't I be skinny?
And smaller like the rest
I really hate my body
It's big and tall and fat
I wish I was pretty
And had hair that was more flat
I really hate my body
Nobody will love me
How on earth could they
When I'm this ******* ugly?
567 · Jun 2013
i see behind your forward
Rachel Mary Jun 2013
you like to think you're different
and peculiar in ways
that make you seem sufficient
and clever on some days
but darling you are normal
you dont have a broken heart
you just like to be informal
and wait for life to start
563 · Nov 2013
hatin on religion
Rachel Mary Nov 2013
the trees that root in this sinful ground
are obvious and just
the churches in this run down town
are shelter for the lust;
the lust of greed , and lust of life
where a girl becomes a wife
these buildings are so holy,
yet full of nothing but evil
and still the trees are victims
to this bitter and great society
the lunatics call religion
Rachel Mary Jun 2013
They unite
Joining forces
As if some kind of army
I am expected to partake
In this family unity
But I feel too intellectually superior
To converse with them
And their simple minds
546 · Jun 2013
u g l y
Rachel Mary Jun 2013
still the words
do pierce my soul
and make me feel

still the looks
do come my way
and make me feel
that i shouldn't stay

'why don't you come?'
the people ask
' we will have fun,
we'll have a laugh'
if only they knew
the reason why
sometimes people
will make me cry
539 · Apr 2013
i am not depressed
Rachel Mary Apr 2013
perhaps this is why some people
do not smile
or laugh
or sing
perhaps this is the feeling
of  adulthood
because this is not
and i am not
i am just sad
quite often
and i rarely feel
534 · Jun 2013
library folk
Rachel Mary Jun 2013
i am interested in people
of a certain type
not the sorts of people
with t-shirts that say 'hype'
not the sort of people
who only think about themselves,
i like the types of people
searching the bookshelves
528 · Jul 2013
I want to die
Rachel Mary Jul 2013
Bless me with the bullet
Please me with the knife
Charm me with the tablets
I want you to end my life
Drown me in the ocean
Take me out to sea
Save me from my beating corpse
Let my soul be free
Burn in me in the fires
Melt me in the flames
Erase me from your memory
Ever forget my name
Lock me in the cellar
Don't let me escape
Til I'm weak and thin
And my pulse no longer shakes
I want you to send me six feet under
**** me in the rain and thunder
I am mentally unwell
And I think living life is hell
Rachel Mary Jun 2013
if i had been alone
when sat upon the swing
would you have come and talked?
about so many things?
you play that **** guitar
and sing those ****** songs
yet still you seem so far
and i am always wrong
you give an odd impression;
you're complex but black and white
the happiest depression
the daytime of the night
yet the girl who holds your heart
is small and tanned and right
you know i love your art
i hope you know i write
i wish you all the best
you idiotic prince
maybe i'll see you next
quivering on the sink
517 · Jul 2013
Resisting Relapse
Rachel Mary Jul 2013
Never have I ever
Resisted a relapse
As much as I am
Right now
506 · Aug 2016
poems n water
Rachel Mary Aug 2016
once more unto the breach dear friends
of sharing all my words
i dont percieve it as means to an end
just a way for me to learn

i'll make waterfalls with  syllables
and streams with every line
and once you reach the end,
you'll be in an ocean thats all mine

you'll lap across my sandy shores
and wash up on my bay,
and when you think you're ready,
i will come to you and say

hello my friend, and how are you
i heard the news, now is it true?
i hope you'll have a lovely stay
on sandy shores upon my bay
493 · Oct 2013
i pondered upon my past
Rachel Mary Oct 2013
i looked through my old poetry
and words began to sink
into my mind , the wall id built;
had obstructed what i think
it took me back to the place i was
some 3 or 4 months back
and now i wonder to myself
my way with words is black
489 · May 2014
swiftly on
Rachel Mary May 2014
impress your fellow flawed
dress your body's doors
lock them with the key
of innocence and pity
flee to the beginning
then run towards the end
make yourself a burden
be true, or false; pretend.
enforce a fake persona
imply the things you arent
dont offer any shoulders
you arent 'agony aunt'
be selfish and be brittle
remember to be blunt
dont hum or sing or whistle
*** u lol ur a ****
484 · Jul 2013
A bit content
Rachel Mary Jul 2013
I'm a bit content
A bit
I'm a bit happy
A bit
I'm not overjoyed
I'm not beaming
But I'm a bit content
A bit
479 · Jun 2013
this poem has no title
Rachel Mary Jun 2013
my thoughts are frazzle
that dance in the light
an untamed wildfire
that burns through the night

a stick of blue incense
a coil of sweet smoke
a sickening scent
the words that weren't spoke

the letters i wrote
i never did send
and still i have hope
and still i pretend

why am i this way
why, tell me why
help me betray
the people that lied
469 · Jun 2013
tangented thoughts
Rachel Mary Jun 2013
i feel a raging fire
inside my bitter soul
i feel a burning desire
inside this hollow hole

what i want and crave
is not what i possess
yet still i do behave
in a manner of address
to those i detest
and make myself feel blessed

people in the sky
going somewhere new
they will never know
who  i am
or why i'm blue

they fly further away
each with their own problems
individual mistakes
the then the plane hits the breaks
and they fall
descending to the earth
what some of them deserve
459 · Jul 2013
I want to die
Rachel Mary Jul 2013
Bless me with the bullet
Please me with the knife
Charm me with the tablets
I want you to end my life
Drown me in the ocean
Take me out to sea
Save me from my beating corpse
Let my soul be free
Burn in me in the fires
Melt me in the flames
Erase me from your memory
Ever forget my name
Lock me in the cellar
Don't let me escape
Til I'm weak and thin
And my pulse no longer shakes
I want you to send me six feet under
**** me in the rain and thunder
I am mentally unwell
And I think living life is hell
456 · May 2013
undesired misinterprence
Rachel Mary May 2013
once i felt sad
because nobody understood me
but then i realised
i am understood
but just not in the way
*i would like to be
438 · Jun 2013
the 84th beginning
Rachel Mary Jun 2013
for a while
you were gone
and the sadness

but now
you are back
with your
wonderful words

you make my soul
fire and ignite
you make me feel
smaller and light

you are a boy
and i am a girl
you bring me  joy
and you are my world
431 · Jun 2013
dependance on a fantasy
Rachel Mary Jun 2013
the friendships i had
a month ago
have perished
to the backs of our minds
yet i do not feel glum
and i am ebullient towards the beckoning future
that so many others anxiously fear
i am incredibly lucky
to have someone
like you
and without you
i dont think
i would be
the ending is for your own  conclusion, this is a personal poem , id you to think what you want , make it relate to you
419 · Apr 2013
the burden of love
Rachel Mary Apr 2013
the world is so cruel
and i do not like it
i pity myself
for being burdened
with the generous task
of having
to survive
in this evil place
with these evil people
that i am expected
to fall in love with
410 · May 2013
Rachel Mary May 2013
i try to carve myself
into something
that people admire
and some, desire

i choose my words
so carefully
and do my best
to appear as pretty

yet wonder on
i must persist
and all along
i wont be missed
405 · Jul 2013
Rachel Mary Jul 2013
I would rather have my heart broken
A thousand times over
Than be the one
Breaking the heart
399 · Jun 2013
the growth of her
Rachel Mary Jun 2013
that was the day
i saw her
in a different perspective
she was no longer
small and shy,
but curveacous and beautiful;
a woman in all forms
i had watched her grow
from the tender age of 11
to the wonderful person
she now
can be .
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