i had a hard time falling asleep last night
because i couldn't stop thinking about how i should stop thinking about you
and i seem to have lost something that i never thought i had in the first place
as it was never clear to me what was going on
even the stars in the sky, light years away are seen clearer than whatever this is... or was
maybe that was the problem
as i had more answers to life's unanswered questions than what i ever did with this
i hope that one day you are able to answer someone's questions and reassure them that you are the right answer
and that no theory will change and no scientific evidence can prove you wrong and make someone question what they believe in

the butterflies in my stomach that you gave me have turned into something that's eating me alive
but i still get chills up my body every time i think of your arms wrapped around me and the sound of your heart beat and when our breathing was in sync
the chills must have been a warning though as to how cold your heart really is
and i decided to not think of it like that
as you were someone who was so warm and your smile made me warm up inside
and i never thought that you could be so cold
you always told me how you enjoyed the cold weather though and now it makes sense
i was never one for the cold and isn't it ironic that making sacrifices for the cold, burned me in the end in a way that will always be unforgettable
maybe this was a lesson for me though, that i should always bundle up for the cold
and protect myself
as i don't need to freeze and shatter to pieces when someone decides that they've grown tired of me and drops me at any second

i remember you being so nervous to meet my mother
because you didn't know if she would like you
and now i'm sat here worrying that if after only 2 weeks
you still like me

it takes 28 days for your skin to become new
it will regrow and not be the same as before
so your touch is no longer there on my body
but i can still smell you after weeks of not having you anywhere near as your scent still lingers on me
and i can still see in my head the way you looked at me when we were laying next to each other that day and how you said you would never let me go
the way that our breathing would be synchronized and everything felt right  
i remember all the things you said and how i thought that you were being sincere
and now i don't know anymore
as we have grown distant and everything is slowly changing though you promised it wouldn't
we promised it wouldn't
maybe this is how it's meant to be though
or maybe you're the right person but it's just the wrong time
either way, i miss your voice and your random phone calls where you would call just to tell me how amazing you thought i was
so maybe you weren't lying and meant every word you said but it just wasn't the right moment to say it
maybe another time we'll work out
because i miss your touch and i long for it and i want to see you every 28 days so that your touch will never leave my body but i wish you never left me

the days have started to feel lonely again
and i still only find comfort in the rain that falls every now and then

though it rained the day that you left
i haven't found the motivation to get out of bed

so i sit here and listen and reminisce
all the memories that we created

the days it rained
the days it didn't

it didn't rain today
but i still thought of you and how you made life seem so simple

now all it has been is complicated
and i can't think of a way around this

i figured you would come back on a day it wasn't raining
it hasn't rained in 86 days and you're still not here

you're the combination of everything i've ever heard
all things that have made me want to keep living
and all things that tore me down inside and made me feel like there wasn't a point any more
you're the combination of everything i've ever felt
i feel things i never thought i would ever feel
i feel things that i don't want to
and you make me like that
you have control over me when i can't even make you look my way
you're the combination of all things that terrify me
you're the spiders crawling up my back
you're a thousand faces looking at me while i stand here all alone
because you make all my emotions come out at once
and i love you for doing so
as i haven't felt anything for a long time
but you changed that
though i feel things i'd rather not feel
you're the combination of all emotions i forgot i had
so thank you for hurting me but helping me in the process of doing so
you're the combination of all things i love and hate
and you're my favourite person