I am worth more
than the coffee stained creativity
written in battered notebooks and used napkins
over looked by eyes filled with the haze of
today's worries and yesterday's regrets
all machines of a self involved world
combining the definitions of equality with conformity
I am worth more
than dreams laced with convincingly false futures
and exaggerated pasts  
plagued from the bottled
no,
judged affection that's stored in my soul like
a prized illusion
I will hold on until my heart is black and blue from the trembling
of the unsteady ground
hold on until the gold veil falls to reveal the blackened soil
hold on
to no avail
I am worth more,
more than the billboards of perfection that line the inside of my skull
stacked thoughts that run to me in the most innocent of mornings
the most blinding of nights
repeated rhythms of mocking truth
I am worth
more than the daily doubts of filtered words
more than formed plastic hearts, black & white minds, and mouths of handlebars labeled: pull or push
more than a mind that shuts down
chooses numbness,
like the constant murmur on a heart monitor after a patient has been announced dead
silence.
time of death 16:29
I am telling you.
I am worth more than the far- sighted wonder of perfect days somewhere,
not here.
the “one day I’ll get there” excuse of not being able to erase this image from my mind,
not this.
as my fingers entwine and fiddle and circle
like a ferris wheel stuck moving in one direction
I do this a lot to distract my mind.
I do this to try and slow it down from running 80mph
to a speed where I can see the lights ahead
without blurs or running colors.
I am worth more than dripping images of a life that is not mine.
- e.m. & c.m.

i don't know how to express this poetically
so i'm just going to say it straight up,
i am completely and entirely stuck.
drawn in by the allure of the meaningless beauty,
the simplicity and the dead-end,
i don't know how to get out of the circle,
find the real truth or how to transcend
above the endless ******* hurled my way
to distract me from what really matters
i want to know about the real world's existence,
not the riches, but all of the tatters
ignored by a society completely apathetic
to all that these numbers need
just because they don't fit your aesthetic,
because your eyes they cannot please

it doesn't matter what i say now
i am but merely a child
i don't think you'll listen to what i say,
whether i praise you,
or your views i revile

i want to know what i can do to change,
this all seems too trapped in tradition
of leaving behind you a wake of lifeless bodies,
as you were so ignorant in your blind ambition.

i know you're not there to do what you should,
you only came for the power
you only came to be paid a lot more,
and to live high up in your tower
away from all of the '****'
you pretend to represent,
but whom you secretly chide,
you're only there to fuel a growing ego,
your heart will explode from your pride.

if i was religious, although i am not,
i know that God would scorn you for your greed,
and however forgiving your God may be,
i am sure that your ears would bleed
upon learning He thinks you were a terrible person
not what you were cracked up to be
and soon enough the bleeding would worsen
until there was nothing left to leave

I don't know much,
but i do know this:
i will strive to never be like you
for all the bad you have brought to this world
far outweighs any good you could do
so, someone out there, please teach me how
how to make a change in this life
for although i may have it easier than others
my heart will never relax while such strife
continues in the world
ignored by the masses
all but a couple times of the year
and i will fight for your rights
your right to survive
until my own end is near.

shot of whiskey
i shot my mouth off at a bible salesman
shot a man with a glass eye on a street corner
he shot me a mean streak
shot out a candy cane window
a king in a powder blue sedan shot down the turnpike
never had a shot with her in a red flannel shirt
shot a broke down dog at a fire hydrant in birmingham
he shot out of a lawn mower
shot towards some handshaking stranger
shot down some train tracks
shadows shot with arms upraised
being shot at by electric trains
i shot a mirror at the stars
they shot back with a voiceless gesture
she shot right through my heart
her hair shot gold to kingdom come

you were crying at my window at dawn
& your hair was only adding to the flood
i hadn't gotten out of bed
remembering how our souls danced undressed
in lovely weather on the fringes of a fair
you looked like a red bird in the morning sun
i just lay there, stolen by your shining face

i've been a barbarian most of my life
stop me if you've heard this one before
my blind approach to the steep paths of the labyrinth
plunging hard & immediately untraceable
i am a rude ghost ******* to your friends
feigning imagined mystery like the
stage door of a circus tent
that day was beautiful and the sky clear
carrying mute birds with paper messages
but the rain is on it's way

but sometimes, most nights
i am a lamb upon your altar
when i recall how i asked you
where you want to be buried
i said i would search for it
with a hand grenade
& you asked me the name
of the town where i was born

& if i am an animal
i am one of the few that is self-destructive
i will bring the empire thundering down
i have chewed through my beautiful muscle
to get out of that southern state & into your door
with my face against the wet gold leaves
& my nose burned black from the snow & wind