I allowed the doom to swell below my chest like a ****** hurricane; certain of it’s destruction but too stubborn of course, and believing my eventual redemption will be visible to the blind. I’ve got more to give than anyone...and yet where are the waiting hands? I’m only left with the chill neglect of passing shadows and timeless kisses that wreck me like the first fall from a paradise I had come to glimpse from a childhood mantle-piece too close to the fireplace. I don’t know where to put my hate, so the things I love I smother like an only child in a hopeless marriage. I don’t *******, I can’t, it’s finally foreign, I can’t fool myself and so this path of reckless sainthood will surely be the end of me, at least one end of me, it mockingly embraces self destruction and puts the crooked smile of too friendly a face on torture. I’m a martyr mother, you got it right, just that once, that’s all that counts, I’ll never forget. But I’m no longer concerned with my salvation or yours, wait don’t misunderstand me, please don’t, I can’t bare it, my reality just demands a more immediate resolution. I want color and breathe. Color and breathe and eternity. Let my night’s shimmer in something more holy than the words I would in my desperation attempt to decorate them with. Give me all my petty and profound desires at once, let them prove their true worth to me, let the futile yearning fall by the wayside and the substance remain. Show me possibilities, show me an escape route that doesn’t demand my tears or life expectancy, show me my power, let the cities crumble around my broken tongue, let my voice sound solely in the human heart and not be plagued by academic analysis and all the false with their hail mary ****** hair and accountant aspirations. That’s the world, that’s the end game, that’s my neighbor, that’s who is supposed to be my brother, that’s my audience...why? why? why? Where are you decency? Why does truth limp and hide her black-eye? Why have the masses shunned you and denied your baggage, where does principle and pride take their last stand, I want to be there. I need to participate to see the cause carries more than myself, I need humanity, I need to follow, I need followers, I need a worthy fight.