And now I don't have anybody. I wish I could replace him just have someone to take up the space. Because there's this huge space in my life that was so full when we were together. That's why I let him go on for so long he just made me feel so great about myself and my future and I was excited when I was with him and it was real and now I just have nothing. He just moves on with the next girlfriend and I'm just empty again

Sit in my car with my friends
Mind so far from you
Then
You're ahead, but I don't know that
Your girlfriend comes up to the window of a car in front of us
Just as I've convinced myself it's not you she's talking to
,
You lean out of the window
Your lips
On hers
On and on I can't tear my eyes away
Like a car wreck but I'm the one crashing
Affection I craved that you gave to her
Right
In front of me.
It's easy to forget our conversations when I see you love her
What we had pales, no it dies compared to just a single kiss with her
Something that overtakes my mind every second of everyday is nothing at all.
Your lips
On hers.
Only tears on mine.
Only screams on mine.
Only.
Once I thought you loved me.
Once I thought we were everything.
Then
I saw you kiss her
And lay your head on her chest
I saw you give her everything and realized how little you gave me.
Realized how much I missed.
Months of trying to get over you destroyed
Just
Seeing your lips
On hers

One second of seeing you and I'm in the bathroom smoking
So stressed and upset I need a hit
One moment seeing you happy without me and I need to get away
I need to smoke and
Forget

Choosing to finally stop feeling so bad for myself
Cut people out that hurt me
Choose to leave
Choose not to hurt
Choose a future
Choose to hope
Choose my life
Choose myself for once

Or depressed?
This never ends, it's interrupted by moments of being
Ok. Returning every time.
"You're just heart broken" then why does every bone in my body miss a person who only hurt me.
If only my heart were broken.
Instead it's my mind.
"You don't know my pain"
You don't know mine, a special kind of weakness and loneliness.
Maybe it's temporary but my friends make fun of me
The ones closest to me put me down
Maybe I don't know what I am

The school bathroom
The darkest stall
Standing trying to stop shaking
Tears enough to ruin my face
Sobs loud enough to make everyone leave
Thoughts of you kissing her
Pure defeat

Just the fat girl. The one nobody really likes. They all say hi and humor me but in the end, I'm nobody.
I'm nothing. I'm meant to be ignored.
I'm meant to be alone.
I'm meant to be replaced and forgotten.
Just dirt. Just an end. Just a mistake. I thought if I ended things between us I could get over you
But my happiness only lasted a moment
Then my jealousy rises from my stomach
I'm thinking about suicide letters
Fighting with my friends
Getting put down and mistreated
Just a second longer
Just another year
Just another person telling me I'm too much
Not enough
Nothing at all
Thinking about ways to end it all
Thinking about what to say to my mother
To my sister
To my 11 year old brother
To you.
Just one more.