On the back porch of
my lover's mind, smoking cigs
drinking whiskey
just to pass the time
&
periodically tap
at his glass ceiling
to see if he's changed
his mind

2:00am
I cannot fall alseep
My lips are dry
I've came once
unsatisfying

3:27am
I've had half a glass of vernors
The rest is sitting next to my bed warm and flat
I can't get comfortable
I have too much room in this bed
It makse me feel vulnerable

4:18am
I went to the bathroom
When I got there i didn't have  to go anymore
I went back to my room
Only to have to go back again.

4:30am
I can hear my mom coughing
She hasn't been feeling  well lately

4:37 am
I can't stop thinking about how she cried today
Or is it yesterday
I guess the next day doesn't start until you sleep

4:39am
I made her cry
Im trying  to remember what you said
About it not being my fault
I struggled with it

5:30am
Another unsatisfying ******
Viewed some ****
It wasn't what I needed
I closed my eyes for awhile
That was unsatisfying too

6:47am
I try thinking about why you stay
Or why you'd think I'd leave
Why you claim to love my body
claim to love all of me

7:15am
I Sent you a silly text.
You haven't replied yet
I feel stupid

7:38am
I logged into Facebook
Updated information
Looked though all your pictures
You don't look how I remember you in these
I don't like it
We don't interact enough here
Your ex is all over your page though
I should log out

8:03am
I hope you mean it when you say I'm better than the rest
A better cook
A better friend
A better support system
Better for you

She was pretty.
Scratch that.
She was beautiful.
Scratch that too.

She was more beautiful,
Than a sunrise on a winter morning.
Or a rainfall on an autumn day
Where the leaves dance in the wind
And fill the sky with life.
More beautiful than a flower
That breaks through the cracks
Of a concrete garden
And brings color to the air.
She was more beautiful,
Than any poem that's ever been written.

She was beautiful.
Scratch that.
She still is.