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Pure of Stars Feb 2019
i say i’m fine
but you should see me
late at night
all alone
i am
terrified
Pure of Stars Oct 2018
blood soaked through my skin and bones
appearing red throughout my clothes
buried deep inside my soul
a monster gnaws out a hole
a hole inside where my heart belongs
now just red and blood gone cold
Pure of Stars Aug 2018
anxiety is living in me and
it’s invisible hand is gripping my lungs
and squeezing tighter and tighter
spreading cold thoughts throughout my rib cage
and into my veins
as i scream out for help
all while i am trapped in its terrible silence
just how i feel when my anxiety is acting up
Pure of Stars Jul 2018
no
everything hurts
i’m not fine
i just want to scream until i can no longer breathe
and fall onto the floor crying
i need a hug
i need some support
i need someone to listen to me
but i need everyone to stay away from me
i have all these perplexing thoughts screaming at me
i feel like i’m going to break

but yeah i’m fine thanks for asking
I know this isn’t really a poem. It was just the heat of the moment, and looking at this now, I can’t really describe how I felt. Even in words, my one escape.
Pure of Stars Oct 2018
at night
it all feels too much
like the inviting darkness of my mind is used to the lack of light in my room
like the hums of my fan murmuring suicidal songs to me
this fear is all too real
so much more open in the loneliness of an echo of silence hitting each corner of my brain
my endless pain feels much more at night
my thoughts are so much scarier when alone and in the dark
no one there for me
nothing to distract me
it’s all a bit too much at night
Pure of Stars Dec 2020
falling asleep with my head in the toilet bowl
counting the ways i wronged you like sheep jumping the fence
hi.
Pure of Stars Aug 2018
the sweet buttery cinnamon of a pop **** on the roof of my tongue
gray clouds an in early morning sky
a warm sweater wrapped around my chest
only to be taken off when the sun hits me
a warm breeze swaying my nearly golden hair around my face
a crunch of satisfaction lays under my feet
flower by a
crunch
           crunch
crunch
each autumn leave brings a smile to my face as i step on its remains

the beginning of fall mornings
i love fall mornings. such a beautiful thing to experience
Pure of Stars Aug 2018
i hold the broken remains of what i once had
a lovely vision turned into crumbled up sand
each grain slicing into the palm of my hands
but i only grip on tighter as they sliced deeper into my hands
as each grain trains out of my palms
out of my reach
these broken remains is all i had
and now they are gone
i hold on to what i use to have. and i always end up with the broken, dark parts. yet i still refuse to let go until they are gone.
Pure of Stars Aug 2018
every time i meet someone new
i mold them this perfect piece of me
this great personality made from clay
and with each person is a softest sculpture
but when i’m alone
i find that this clay
is just an ugly gray piece of play-doh
no shape
just plain and unsure
I don’t know who I am. I feel so sure of myself when my molded self is around. But  I no longer know  what to shape this clay into.
Pure of Stars Aug 2018
I get these thoughts
that are like clouds
I know they won’t stay here forever
But they are so sad and uncontrollable
And these clouds stop me from seeing anything else
Sometimes they’ll go away on their own
But other times
They get heavier and fuller
Until they burst into water
Water that only falls out of eyes
These thoughts cloud my vision, making to do hard for me to move on. And it’s like endless storm. How do I stop it? Why can’t I stop it? Please help me. Please save me.
Pure of Stars Sep 2018
sometimes i’ll just sit here for a bit
unsure and scared
on the floor of the bathroom
contemplating why i’m here
Pure of Stars Jul 2020
split
splat
little cat
itty kitty in the garden
oh to be a feline in the grass
baking in the sun
not a care in the world
**** geometry
i want to be a cat
im sorry for the bad word
Pure of Stars Aug 2018
please don’t give up on me
don’t leave me here to die
with all these words inside my head
my soul will surely drown
but please don’t leave me here tonight
for if you give up on me
i’ll have no reason to move on in life
and death will surely be
it’s kinda strange how i find my very soul depending on a person. and suddenly i’m terrified that’ll they give up on me, like everyone else does. Like i did.
Pure of Stars Jul 2018
I’m drowning in my sorrows
   And my anxiety is my anchor
Each worried thought and “what if” pulling me down and down
I can no longer breath and I’m itching in my skin
My lungs feel as if they are about explode with every thought that has brought me down
I watch as I sink further and further down
Any light of hope disappearing
Now it’s dark
And I know there is no way out
In drowning in my sorrows
And you weren’t there to pull me out
Guess it’s a writing day for me, but there’s nothing wrong with that. Feeling kinda lonely :)
Pure of Stars Aug 2018
the breath i breathe is not my own
this heart that pumps does not feel
someone’s must be inside of me
clicking the buttons for my body to work
because i have left and buried myself
in a plot of dark soil  
i no longer feel what my soul used to say
all i am is an empty sack of bones
feeling very.... empty? i think that’s how i’d described it. empty.
Pure of Stars Aug 2018
i’m so close to giving up
drowning in exhaustion
tired of constantly trying to hold on
so tired of constantly trying and pretending
Pure of Stars Aug 2018
my heart aches with this pain
this overwhelming throb of grief
there is no help for me
i just want to get away
away from you
and away from this world
for i feel like i have the whole galaxy in my heart
constantly feeling the stars explode in me soul
and i just feel too much
an overwhelming feeling of having everything in my heart
Pure of Stars Jul 2018
As I walk hand in hand with my depression
I find my only friends are the ceiling fans who keep my company late at night
and the floaters dancing around my vision
whispering to me about all of the headlights
They blades of the fan mumble his stories into my ears
Of the kids just like me
Who are too young to feel this way
And the floaters tell me of each person Inside of the car of the headlights I’ve been staring at
They tell me I’m not alone
Other people feel it too
But still I find
That they are my only friends
My heart feels as though it can’t take much more. The damage has it barely strung together, and the pain only echoes inside of me.
Pure of Stars Aug 2018
stars on her fingernails
the sun in her smile
she bathed in the milky way
singing to the stars
she is part of the galaxy
and only the stars know why
felt inspired by star fingernail polish that had sat in my desk for eight months :)
Pure of Stars Jul 2018
Sleeping is so hard
When I can’t stop thinking
And my soul is sad and weary
The covers are wrapped all around me
So maybe I can warm my heart
Before it falls out of the holes on my sleeves
Because it’s so tired of the screaming of my brain
And my mouth is dry
From all the unsaid words I’ve never said
Even with water next to my bed  
My brain pounds against my skull
Begging for its escape
Begging to be let go from it’s torture
I guess you could call it a headache
But my skin is so tight  
Feeling as if I’m trapped in my own body
And each time I try to close my eyes
They only scream at me
All these voices in my head
Telling me such nasty thing
Sleeping is so hard
When I can never stop thinking
I’m so tired. It’s currently 1:22 am. I’m still awake. With all these thoughts and feelings, when all I want to do is sleep. P L E A S E    L E T  M E   S L E E P
Pure of Stars Aug 2018
insanity creeps up on me
knowing i will lose my mind from time to time
knowing i will give in enough to feed it’s own make
knowing i’m in the brink of my own break
insanity is there for me
and sometimes it’s all i can be
Pure of Stars Jul 2018
I see people as Poetry
beautiful and unwritten words who fill themselves onto pages of life
who render their every thought and doubt in mind
that is breathtakingly beautiful as it is absurd
An ecstatic cry of glee and dread all at once
Stripped souls who look for their identities
I see people as poetry
Breathtakingly tragic, yet nothing like it
Pure of Stars Oct 2018
i lack belief in who i am
and who i choose to be

my faith has gone from narrow hallways to dark trenches full of lost souls waiting for this war to be over

a battle over who i am and my internal side is struggling to pick up her fight

my identity is only surrounded by fake smiles and sodden cheeks

now i turn to myself and ask
who am i and who do i choose to be
knowing you’re own identify seems pretty important. but it’s still something we all struggle with.
Pure of Stars May 2018
I breathe in, my lungs inflate like a ballon inside the barrier we call skin, they burn. As if a fire has been set in me, no longer allowing me to breathe. I manage to breathe out one long shaky breath. My eyes are like a dam, holding back water, tears. Tears that have been stored for months, maybe years. Each mean word and rude comment filling more water into me. I close my eyes. Words come out of my mouth. Words that I’ve managed to say. Words that come up empty. Words so hallow that you could knock on them and  only hear a remaining echo. You ask again, as if repeating a question will change my answer. You ask if I’m okay. You ask if everything is fine. My heart tightens, my lungs stop. My jaw clenches. These words. That question. Always that question. Then my heart starts again. And my lungs. Everything starts again.I say I’m fine. I always say I’m fine. I always tell the same lie. A lie that is so forcefully shoved out of my mouth. And so I pretend. Making up dreams in my mind about me being okay. But it is okay, because sometimes I believe my own lies too.
Can you relate to this? How do you make this feeling stop?
Pure of Stars Feb 2019
i’m tired of losing myself
when everyone else is constantly changing
in a never-ending cycle of fear
i am lost in the past and searching for the future
wondering when i will change for the better
or when i will be okay with being myself
Pure of Stars Feb 2020
it’s strange  
that when you’re in love
even the water in the shower feels different
it’s been a long while since i’ve been here :) i’m fifteen now. i’ve lost things and gained things since i’ve written for the public. i lost my best friend. but i’ve found myself. i have two best friends still. i have a dog. i have a real smile
Pure of Stars Aug 2018
this dry lump in my throat leaves a sickly uneven thought in me
each word i’ve ever swallowed down gathering up into a ball
and with one more word
i’ll explode
Pure of Stars Aug 2018
my heart unravels in front of you
broken and bruised i lay it in my hands
i show you my heart
and you turn away
ashamed of me and my broken heart
Pure of Stars Jul 2020
i truly believe it takes a hurt soul to write poetry
Pure of Stars Feb 2019
it’s that voice in my head that gets me every time
right when i think everything is okay
it reminds me otherwise
it tells me all the things i try to hide away
it pushes its fingers down my throat
and grabs the razor on my sink
and right before i fall asleep
it lets me know all of the terrible things i am
It’s something else inside of me. it isn’t always what people say. or what i feel. it’s like a part of me doesn’t want me to get better. this dark demon. this voice that whispers nasty things to me.
Pure of Stars Sep 2018
in bed
at one am
here i lay with all my thoughts
disguised in mask as my friends they crawl up next to me
when really under all that skin
are yellow eyes and sharp knife claws
their words nearly as sharp as the teeth they bestow
in bed at one am
my thoughts come to take me
Pure of Stars Oct 2018
no matter what i write i am not satisfied with the aftertaste in my mouth
my poetry is the worse type of aftermath  one to an unsolvable equation of life
a permanent discomfort in the way my words clump up together
never getting the point directly out
i’ve really started to hate my own writing all because of this self-doubt
the doubt of never being enough even in a few insignificant words on a screen
i’ve posted less more recently but i’ve still been writing just none of it seems worthy
Pure of Stars Mar 2019
numbers
everywhere we go it’s numbers that control us
the number in our bank account
the number on our test
the number on our scale
everywhere we go we let that number decide for us
the number of likes
our number of friends
why should a number decided if we’re happy?
Pure of Stars Aug 2018
i feel out of this world
i wasn’t made to be here
i was made to be out in the stars
rejoicing life and all there is
not stuck out here
where my wings are clipped and brain is dulled
just so i fit in
Pure of Stars Nov 2018
every time i see the night sky and stars pouring out
i began to wonder and question what life is about
i look for something more in it
an answer
a belief
a remedy for my struggles and insecurities
looking into the night sky
i wonder who’s all out there
staring at the stars questioning the same things
Pure of Stars Jul 2018
rain sounds like magic to me
how all the clouds gather together and cry of their losses
how each drop whispers to me
egging me to listen to all of their stories
and all of the trees shaking with glory
each leave singing it’s song as the wind sweeps them away
the thunder cackles at the fields of flowers and their silly dreams that are swept away into the bitter wind
lightning flashes a quick smile to all the children peaking at the rain from inside
watching each rain droplet race each other down my window
only to form into a puddle outside my door
leaving me perfectly content
as the rain speaks its magic
there is something truly magnificent about rain and the way it subtly wakes up each creature also this seems to be the first poem of mine that isn’t terribly sad
Pure of Stars Aug 2018
When I listen to your words
They reply in my mind
Like a record stuck on the same track
It gives me this fuzzy feeling
In between comfort and fear
For I can never hold anything close
Without cutting them with the shards of my broken heart
afraid to love and afraid to be alone
Pure of Stars Sep 2018
i know i should be asleep
but the light outside of my window
begs to differ
feeding me with all these thoughts
reminding me of how cruel and crooked this world is
trying to tear me down into a bitter piece of glass
but i will remain kind
because that’s what this world needs
Pure of Stars Aug 2018
i have an inner demon
i think her name is ruby
ruby for the color as she cuts me to pieces
ruby for the smile when she flashes her pretty fangs
those claws and wings arch into me as i cry out into pain
and there i leave a mark for ruby
red and plain
we all have our inner demons
Pure of Stars Aug 2018
somethings inside of me
killing me
very very slowly
it’s strange
because it’s not making me sick
well not your type of sick
instead it’s taking my mind
and unscrewing all of its bolts
tainting my soul red
and banging my heart against my ribcage
Pure of Stars Sep 2018
restlessness seres throughout my bones
dry pain lays upon my throat
tiredness weighs down my eyes
yet no sleep will return tonight
i’m tired, yet here i lay.
Pure of Stars Jul 2018
Sometimes it feels to much
Like a storm being brewed inside my cold skin
My tears flooding the streets of those who make contact with me
A glassy blue sky fading into dark broken shards of glass that crack my skin open
An inevitable cry of pain shudder from the clouds of my heart
A sinister flash of light appears in front of my eyes
Sometimes it feels to much
But I must remember
That behind each tremendous an haunting cloud of storms
Is a shining sun
Ready to brighten my sorrows
Sometimes it feels to much
but my storm will have an end
I just need to remember that

I    W I L  L   B  E
O   K   A   Y
Sometimes everything’s overwhelming, and you need to remind yourself to breath. Your trying your best. You will be okay, you are loved.
Pure of Stars Aug 2018
the stars kiss the scars on her wrist and sweep her hair while she sleeps
and finally the galaxy takes her up
so she can no longer hurt
and be one with the stars like she was at the beginning
doesn’t it sounds so romantic to be one with the stars? to think that we were once part of the stars before we were born and once we die we go back to them.
Pure of Stars May 2018
When you look up into the night sky you never notice the dullest star

and when you gaze into a pond full of rocks you never see the smallest pebble

No one wants to explore a stream of water when there are oceans of beauty

  Yet I hope to be seen in a garden of flowers when I am but a blade of grass

And even if I’m the prettiest asteroid what am I compared to Jupiter

For what is a girl like me in a world full of people like you
Is it just me or is it hard not to compare? I try my best at everything but I always fall short. Falling shorter than everyone else. I watch everyone rise above, as I only fall.
Pure of Stars Aug 2018
i watch the sun’s glorious rays wave me goodnight
and the moon wakes up to kiss my bruised cheeks and answer all my questions
and in the morning  
the sun has woken up early so he can greet me and tell me to have a good day
and what do we do?
we complain to the sun, telling him he’s too bright and too hot
and when the moon bathes you with her glory
we wish her away
wanting to feel the sun against your skin once again
why must we want what we can’t have?
why must we always choose the other side?
please remember that the sun is our star
and he shines just for us
and the moon revolves around us
giving us the sight of all of the night sky
I like to watch the sun and the moon. I like to listen to the clouds. We don’t take the time to notice these things. We’re all so busy complaining about what we do or don’t have we don’t look up to see what the sun has to offer.
Pure of Stars Sep 2018
the things i said too quietly
bundle up into a ball

the things i said to quietly
make itself a home inside a hole of unheard ideas

the things i said too quietly might not be important to you

but the things i said too quietly have grown quite close to me
each time i mumble, i think it’s because i’m scared that my thoughts and ideas will be rejected.
Pure of Stars Dec 2020
and with your touch
my world seemed a little brighter
Pure of Stars Jun 2018
At twelve am my mind wonders
It wonders from each memory to the other
It starts off with the sound of my parents falling out of love
It starts off with all of the screaming
I watch my own mom bring a gun to her head
Only to be stopped by a slap and than another one
And than it gets quiet a bit
Quiet enough for to hear a little girl crying
Crying because suddenly she has no friends
Suddenly she feels so lonely
That girl has identical eyes and hair as me
And than it gets worse
The sound of a blade against skin for the first time
The first time turns into the second time, then into the third
Until it’s an addiction
Than it stops
Because suddenly I watch empty bottles of wine lay around the ground
I watch my own mom tell me how it’s my fault  
My fault that my dad left her
My fault that I have no friends
That I wasn’t supposed to be born anyway
But she doesn’t remember that the next morning
I watch my eight year old sister tell me to **** my self
Tell me that no one will miss me
That I’m nothing but a burden
Then it gets louder and louder and louder
Suddenly my dad is telling me that he’s sad
so sad that he wants to **** himself
He’s sad because of me
It’s getting even louder
I’m shaking
My whole body is shaking
But my hand is over my mouth to keep me from making a noise
To make sure I don’t wake anyone up
Because at twelve am
My mind wonders
Just some of the reasons why I can’t sleep at night. Why don’t you tell me why you can’t sleep? Don’t worry though, the stars are there to keep you company.
Pure of Stars Dec 2018
maybe i’m not the typical beauty
maybe i don’t look nice
but i am art
and art is suppose to make you feel
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