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PrttyBrd Dec 2018


shackled to a notion
rubbing through wrists
in rusted remains
of beautifully easy

it's a slow bleed
through insults slung
in fear the unmaliciois
only noticed in hindsight

calling the innocent a *****
doesn't breed hate from love
the duke-yeilding cowardly lion
flings back like a monkey


##

breaststroking a marathon in tears
wading through pain I never caused
pelted with double-barrelled denial
THIS IS NOT WEAKNESS

there is no waver on my solid ground
torn flesh and compound fractures
cannot break harder than history

still, gavel strikes
in sucker punched cracked ribs
that look like a past that ain't mine

###

keep hacking off pieces
maybe I'll fit into those pretty boxes
your liars left as gifts
nasty reminders that trust has sharp teeth

maybe that's just you
biting back any hand that gets too close
pandering in placating platitudes
ain't my bag

flattery fails to flounce from unfettered friends


####

can't be beat into submission
with unspoken broken rules
can't run from a truth in plain view

this is what it looks like
to believe what you know over
what you've lived

I'm not running
I'm not biting back
I'm not going anywhere

then again, why would I
I'm not the one afraid to love you




https://soundcloud.com/user-166761247/a-fourth-in-time-to-cracked-selections-of-music
122518
205w
PrttyBrd Dec 2018
I.
discolored snapshots
breathe life into memories with blurred edges
unabated joy in thoughts of, "forever will feel like this"
Silver Bells tasted like pine boughs and cinnamon

she built home out of air
filling lungs with life that made love
into the root of all things beautiful
ragtag Charlie Brown trees, the most beautiful of all

II.
Fall fell hard and the trees died too
lights and empty gestures, for the sake of children
eyes clenched in prayers that, "forever won't feel like this"
breathing in the smog of auld lang syne

can't save what couldn't be saved
sometimes things end without ending
love in seedlings or old oaks still scorch a heart
Silver Bells in saline reminders of nothing feels familiar

III.
stomped into submission beneath icy indifference
short breaths feel alive in crystal shards that ******* lungs
when they try to break free from truth
normal in stifled emotions where a toothy grin pretends it's elation

Silver Bells smile without a voice to jingle in
and snapshots prove happiness is possible...or was--once
believing that angels walk with us
teaching us how to make love into the root of all things beautiful

maybe, "forever, we can try to build home out of air"
auld lang syne - /ôld laNG ˈzīn,ˈsīn
    noun - times long past

122318
203w
Dec 2018 · 169
punished in wounded egos
PrttyBrd Dec 2018
kept to myself on silent hill
where grasshoppers used to frolic

eyes that spy don't realize
like-minds in wooden boxes
read their own would be actions

can't rationalize honesty
different strokes in choices projected
pandering in placating platitudes

never did learn how to turn polite
into untruths earning respect
through coddling flattery

backscratchers are unnecessary
when you don't count numbers
to feel worth a ****

broken beautiful even in cracked truth
taken as is wholeheartedly
but wholeheartedly never fit
into wooden boxes

where people polish egos
and truth reads like what you want to hear
unspoken expectations cultivate disappointment

caring is never pretty when it's real
honesty, with no lies, is hard to look at
in reflections of things one tries to bury

it's the beginning of trust that scrounges
for reasons to doubt
running into cradling arms

far from the unknown feeling of acceptance
where bones are broken beautiful
and scars are proof you won the battle
121118
158w
PrttyBrd Oct 2018
The sun beats a dead horse through a desert of lies
the only oasis is 44 ounces of pure bliss
cooling the essence from within
There is no greater comfort, no greater satisfaction

On the hottest summer day
life drains out of the chalice of joy
Its remnants still cold against my lips
burning into my being the memory of it

Empty and discarded the heat rises
Once again roaming and rummaging through the day
searching endlessly for the reality to match the memory
a world of imposters pretending they are worthy

Trying to believe that contented equals happiness
Disappointment lies empty at the bottom of the bin
Left to wander in search of that purity of bliss
For there is no greater comfort, no greater joy
101618
127w
nothing else comes close to the real thing ;)
PrttyBrd Oct 2018
I dipped my toe in the Atlantic
and wondered how long it would take to get to England on a rowboat
or to swim there outright
as if I would be so inclined in either fashion

I've seen **** and Jane through many trials
all the running, jumping, and frolicking
never really seemed book worthy
but I read on dutifully hoping they would surprise me

Eventually, I stopped reading the adventureless series
and grew into darker theories of life
that have lead me to ponder the distance
across the ocean to Neverland in ways that I couldn't actually attempt

Safe in my unathletic prestenses, yet vulnerable in my dreams
I remember the snowbirds that chased me
through childhood summers
I remember the accents and crystal blue eyes

I will remember your face... always
but I no longer remember your name
101218\140w
Oct 2018 · 257
Goodnight Sally
PrttyBrd Oct 2018
Cradle me in your arms
and sing me into peace
drifting into lyrics and flat B's
love never sounded so safe

Invited into Dreamland
with love stories serenaded
in tunes familiar
connected through time

Lost in times gone by
begging another with restless moans
soothed into slumber
by music that still makes me smile
10518
54w ©
Oct 2018 · 285
Heretofore
PrttyBrd Oct 2018
Millenia a moment
wishes on all the starfish in the ocean
wouldn't make Wilcox happy in love

Indivisible divisions
infinite wisdom where math and science
will never meet God

Did science create a universe or simply define it?
Where beginning meets end in pinpoints of minutia
that by definition and design will never actually meet

Cradle me in your arms for nanoseconds
each holding an eternity
If only time could be held by more than mere memory

Maybe, everything until the now that is never the now
can touch a moment
that can never be broken into its smallest parts
101218
100w
PrttyBrd Oct 2018
I found my grandmother the night she died
The room filled with mourning tears
My mother slapped me
because I hadn't cried in two days
At 18 how do you emotionally process a body that once held a life?

Disconnected from my thoughts
I felt neither pain nor love nor loss
How could I say that, without feeling defective
but I couldn't get past that shell with empty eyes
that stared at me until I noticed they weren't smiling

When the body turned to flesh
she was gone and I was lost
in those empty eyes that seemed to
hold a universe of nothing
and if I stared too long I'd disappear in that void
where her light used to shine

**

Too soon, I held my mother's hand as she passed
and watched the life leech out of her skin
The eyes were the last part of her to fade
I stared at her
Willing with all that I am that they would
spark and reignite the fire of who she was
But her skin ran cold the second the light ceased
So cold, yet so very soft.

Two days, and a blended family to hold up
Even with makeup, dressed to the nines
It didn't feel less... wrong
She was beautiful, but she wasn't my mother

I couldn't escape the knowledge
of invisible sutures
As I held her face and fixed her hair
I cursed those television shows I once watched with her
The ones that taught us how things worked
The ones that burned the knowledge of
the sutures into my memory
a memory I couldn't escape

Four days and two shoulders heavy with tears
Too busy with paperwork and wishes
to bleed tears of my own
Thankful for things to do
So I wouldn't get lost in her empty eyes
that stared at me whenever I closed my own

I sit here, grown, wondering how to
emotionally process a body that once held a life?
Praying that she will slap me for not being able to cry
Just so I could feel her
101118
346w
I miss you Mami
Audio file:
https://drive.google.com/file/d/1PZOHeLKJCs3Bu5CUYWTQJI6-JOiZp_4c/view?usp=drivesdk
Oct 2018 · 191
MamaBrd
PrttyBrd Oct 2018
With tired wings you still soar
with a Grace few can ever muster
Sleep, my love
and dream of the days
the garden was full of flowers

Orange blossom sweet
and jasmine sultry
you will always glow like a gardenia
on a summer afternoon

Your nest, so filled with love
will warm your coldest days
keeping you forever beautiful
as you have always been

Fly with the angels on waves of peace
this world could never offer you
Every flower-filled breeze
will be like kisses filled
with memories of you
92718
PrttyBrd Sep 2018
i.

melted ice cream afternoons
bogged down

rising from asphalt
in magical mist
that transforms
the day into
a test of endurance

even dusk offers
no solace
in frozen watermelon bliss


ii.

smoke permeates fabric
hair and every surface
with peace and grit
wafting over
the crispy
edges of predawn

begging sleep
to the most stubborn
insomniac

rotisserie style dreams
till morning


iii.

there's less death today
waiting in line
in candy store nightmares
begging silence
from the jubilant

but the sky turned up
a dream state

in that beguiling beauty
is brilliance


iv.

in shadows
the earth falls silent

rustling through
tall tales
the moon births

images in hidden corners

evening strolls
turn adventures

and every day
burns quick
to be reborn slowly


v.

the weight of ****
in short tempered bites
**** will with a proficiency
unseen outside
a viper's silent hunt

ready for war
with fists losing
responsibility

breaking triple digit
pressure


vi.

Incessant banging through walls built faster than I am strong enough to demolish, cradling lace so it won't rip on my forked tongue. There is only so much care left to handle perception just trying to breathe through a smile.
91218
190w
PrttyBrd Sep 2018
I lick my lips

they still taste like you
and I bask in the remnants of a dream
that seems
close enough to smell
through laundered sheets
blood at the surface of yesterday leeches
into tomorrow

on badges of honor that hold no shame
igniting the flame
each in the shape of animal love
primal feasts of flesh
and I run moist in remembrance
a response I have yet to control

the thought of your voice or your breath on my skin
burns fire within
without ever being near
I feel your longing
chasing my own

my body screams in liquid silence
your voice walking the line
entwined in the root
of my evil
vibrating a symphony in prelude
carried on a laugh that growls
to the beast that howls
begging to be beaten into submission
...again

I lick my lips
...they still taste like you
5518
146w
Sep 2018 · 289
The ghost of a friend
PrttyBrd Sep 2018
Empathy removed concern
as it walked out of the room
drop by drop
the edges of love blurred

everything looks like pain
as rocks turn tumbleweeds
basking in the warmth
of unspoken words

left in despair
dragged under the beast
blindsided by action
inaction and retrospect

no part of love is hate
no part of love is hate
no part of love is hate

deleted from afterthoughts
all that's left is black-filled space
where there was once no question
that love exists
91518
82w
On my darkest day
when I could no longer hold myself up
you walked away
as I hit the ground
PrttyBrd Apr 2018
I
am
******

and not in a clawing flesh, body convulsing, banging headboard kind of way

that kind of ****** I can rock the **** out of.

No
I am more the
twisted mess of forced misconception
enlightened by time innocence forgot
forced into a life guided by trust in the lies truth told

Yeah,
it's the end of life as I know it
that's the kind of ****** I am

I knew joy
it was based on trust in what was true

I knew love
it was built on that same foundation

So yes,
I am ******
this mess of **** crumbling to pebbles while blinding me in the dust of my own ignorance
is anything but blissful

and all I hear are the cries of beautiful dying
not that dying is beautiful, though it can be
but of the death of beautiful things
of things I found implicitly lovely
the painful dying of all I believed was good

I am so ****** sideways

protected by others
I can no longer say for certain who I am
or who I believe myself to be

****** hard and unrecognizable
***** into truth by the kindness of others

No more questions because I am ****** that way too
no one wants to hear their old news and ***** laundry

I knew love once
now all I love, I question
reliving my choices in reasons why
trying to piece together my life had I always known
trying to define how I love by my own definitions
and not by what I knew love to be
because that love never existed
only in my ******, shattered memory

So, hey
guess what
I used to love you
now it's tainted with yesterday's **** streaks

I'm still me
But boy
am I ******
41718
298w
Voice clip:. https://drive.google.com/file/d/14k4Lbkm4_S8z9zfBWmKe0Fyu2SlHT1x9/view?usp=drivesdk

copy link into address bar to listen
PrttyBrd Apr 2018
trapped beneath a fitted rubber sheet
a lump in the mattress
suffocating on
rancid latex sweat
and yesterday's dried fluids

who were they
the nameless in the dark
this one smelled of popcorn
that on howled in delight

a collage of senseless noise
scented by cats and Ajax
leftovers always go bad

Chuck-will's-widow
in the tree by the window
it must be after midnight

though noon looks the same
in this cage that gives just enough
to torture with possibilities
of breaking free

freedom is overrated
roses stain glass
with the bloodletting
of thorny mishaps

blurred by smeared wounds
ain't life grand
when love ceases to be a goal

how can one find what is
utterly indefinable
if it cannot be decisively named
it cannot be concretely attained

then again, love's fluidity
is its charm
no hard edges
ebbing and flowing
elusive and longing

**** me latex blind
unseen and used
by those who never did mind
a lumpy mattress
041318
161w
Feb 2018 · 433
Pied
PrttyBrd Feb 2018
That tail doesn't taste as good as it looks
running in circles to see what's ahead
Breaking backs contorting to accommodate
what is too big for one man to contain
A trail of kibble leads a line of zombies
lost to the truth you pretend to be
16 personalities for 16 needs
and the line grows to criminal proportions
following the hope of a smile
22718
65w
Feb 2018 · 827
beneath
PrttyBrd Feb 2018
elephants stomping on my head
laugh as they draw blood
fragmented ideals scatter in the wind
as trampled dreams mix with dust

cemented in 'supposed to'
hiding behind other people's 'shoulds'
jackhammer disappointment
crushes bones with broken boundaries

play me a song
to make it look pretty
and I'll pretend to dance
with you in foggy yesterday's

karaoke soundtracks
to a stranger's tears
that leave the heart blind
tripping acid just to see in forgotten colors

breathing bacteria
from the soles of shoes
wiped on my forehead
as they said, 'hello'

a mosaic of skull puzzles
grouted in the remnants of the ****
left behind as everyone
just walks away

shadows smell clean in dark corners
where colors are left to die
in clouds of expectation
leaving truth buried in the ruble

...of who they thought I was
22318
138w
Jan 2018 · 432
On My Way To You
PrttyBrd Jan 2018
15 stops on a train from point A to your heart
each breath begging to be seen

Riding the dilapidated track
each notch a reminder of my own insanity

Enduring the rough ride just to see you smile
at another unworthy catch

You watch me fall trying to skip cars
feeling a little closer to you

I see you see me

Still... I wonder if the doors will open
when I arrive
13018
72w
Jan 2018 · 303
Celestial Divine
PrttyBrd Jan 2018
splintered hands bleed ink
to carve stone hearts
gouging grace into
the cracks that once held peace

beautifying ****
in words that held a promise


maybe a dream
is meant to be forgotten
evaporated by the sun

music dances pretty
in the glittering reflection of stars
too far to see
yet too close to ignore

like ignoring them
would make them less profound
glimmers of hope, each one
flickering to their death
a billion lifetimes past

the night is a vision
of the afterlife
of proof that there is something
that remains
beauty remains
in words gouging grace
into stone hearts
11918
Jan 2018 · 382
Fireball Blind
PrttyBrd Jan 2018
the holes run together to make nothing
                                                          that consumes everything

torn to bits with nothing left to rebuild
                            pulling threads from passersby
                                                      gluing them in spit and sparkles

      forming the fabric of a frayed future
hidden behind that toothy grin that blinds the best of 'em

                              a bit of accidental charm and sparkles turn gems
  catching the moon you just hung

besotted sot
    truth like poison thick on spirited tongue

                                    can't believe what the bottles tout
can't  trust liquid truth in ashen breath

dragons of legend breathe Fireball lies
                      that smell of candy and taste like the death
                      of tomorrow's enamoration
12218
101w
Jan 2018 · 586
Nanoseconds A Lifetime
PrttyBrd Jan 2018
A cacophony of wasted space in a mind too full to see
boring holes to breathe or vent
or pray that there is no light to be let in

Was never done dying before yesterday moved
tomorrow is last year a lifetime ago
today, erased by was and will

Tears can't dry in incessant floods
bleeding acid that feeds unhealing wounds
in a mix of steroids and parasites

Faced with all that perception ever was
altered reality in crushed emotion
scraping the dregs of feeling to find a place to sleep

Jagged shards of memories offer the most comfort
as they slice what attempted to heal
killing me slowly anew with each passing moment

Moments torn in a million pieces of equal pain
encased in cemented ideals and rosy falsehoods
yesterday is the only reality left

Outside a clenched fist holding onto nothing
blood crusts in black paint
open or closed, there's nothing left to see

Longing to bleed out through the ****** of dreams
left to die in a place that packs holes with dirt
enough to exist in an invisible life

Killing the long ago before it finishes what it started
seems its own nightmare of weakness
will it alive or will it dead, just will something and make it so

A lifetime of dying in a half-life of truth
gray eats black as anguish feeds on beauty
nothing remains in untouched memories
11418
235w
Dec 2017 · 823
Forever Ago Tomorrow
PrttyBrd Dec 2017
I see in garnet and gold
my dream you gave to her

Blinded at every dawn
in stabbing reminders of hellfire

Silence looms on an empty line
which once bound spirits

Such lovely words
that taste like truth and bare bones

All you promised
you gave away

You proved...
I'm warm enough alone

Stealing hope
with half-truths and heartache

You gave away my dream
as your promises kissed her lies
121017
Nov 2017 · 1.2k
Beyond the Silence
PrttyBrd Nov 2017
I will wait
blindly scraping through each day
on skinless knees
clawing through with bloodied fingers
searching for the truth to clench to

I will wait
in the bowels of a twisted mind
bending flickers to shadows
in endless search of the light
that teased with relentless promise

I will wait
for this **** to freeze my bones brittle
buried in glacial daydreams
of a time that day meant
I could feel the warmth of the sun

I will wait
for the accidental happiness
that covered me like a puddle I fell into
while stumbling through existence
simply drawing breath

I will wait
in jagged darkness for the only reality
that makes sense of this place
for in that union is peace so pure
it washes the universe in light

So, yes, I will wait
an eternity of gaping wounds
bathed in the brine of silence
never giving voice to the grated truth
of the best part of who I am
111017
Nov 2017 · 806
As I Will Never Be
PrttyBrd Nov 2017
Striated thoughts broken
by a life in dappled light
Shadows cool the flame
flickering wildly in exhalation
Stars mimic streetlights
in memories long left behind
Each speck a lifetime
and life seems eternal
Traversing shadows reluctantly
cloaking truth in darkness
A trail of flesh glitters
a path dragged on bended knee
marked by pieces of me I
just couldn't hold onto
Light debrides road-rash
unapologetically
Each transferred piece that replaced
a speck of who i was
slowly leaves a void in the shape
of the very damage the shadows blind
Can you see the truth
The light shines on the perfect pieces
for the world to ogle
as shadows mask the tattered flesh
of a life that tastes like
the muddy shoe that bludgeoned
it unrecognizable
Who are we if not who we were
Who can bear the truth
and still pretend to love the unloveable
Who can see what I cannot show
as fear has stunted joy
in the dappled light
that breaks each thought to pieces
11717
Nov 2017 · 54
Enchantments
PrttyBrd Nov 2017
Crystal ***** and amber smoke
A garden of foxglove and rue
Belladonna fairytales
And there's nothing you can do

Malicious hearts and demon spirits
Wreak havoc come what may
The quiet careless non-believers
Will bow to their dismay

For if a pure path isn't chosen
Either darkness or the light
Then shadows have a firmer grip
On the souls still stuck on "might"

So make a choice, right here and now
Of who you want to be
Standing still, you acquiesce
To the shadows consuming thee
31914
draft
PrttyBrd Oct 2017
volcanic ashen memories
stream lava tracks
that burn to bone

alone in a dying universe
time is as meaningless
as it is vast

a useless nothing
that is the everything
that drags us to the depths of who we are

dust clouds choke light
as shadows fill cracks with powder
dusted into oblivion

reeling from the pain
knowing that succumbing to the numbness
is the best we can do
100617
PrttyBrd Oct 2017
Blade grazes skin in horizontal hatred
teaching lessons in guilt and lies
crying truth that won't break the surface
which hides the tar that seeps
through a soul unseen

Prtty, Prtty smile
on a Prtty, Prtty girl

and the lines break surface tension
'twas all the glue would hold

Every turn a reflection in karma and self-loathing
perceived as an undeserved consequence
of a past that holds no regrets

One layer breaks free
and he fails to see her cracks
through the scars he was forced to stitch alone
with the rusted skewers of time

A second pass and the blade runs clean
as idle threats yield no change
a liar demanding truth of the one who gives it freely
as it has always been

Only seeing lies oneself would tell
unable and unwilling to realize
that the truth remains true
even when seen through one's own lies

Beaten into submission
that reeks of forced pity
only covers the truth
with lies that make one feel like

A Prtty, Prtty girl
with a Prtty, Prtty smile
100117
Oct 2017 · 488
Corpus Delicti
PrttyBrd Oct 2017
Confined in close quarters
begging for quarantine
love tastes like carrion

Breathing mold spores
appeals more than
the kiss of a dying heart

For to taint joy
with the stink of decay
haunts honesty with living lies

A heavy heart
cannot power the light
that fuels a soul
100617
Oct 2017 · 601
Shameless
PrttyBrd Oct 2017
Yes, I'm in love with him.                      
                    
No, I'm not sorry*


100417
Sep 2017 · 754
It's Always Now
PrttyBrd Sep 2017
When now becomes never
and fists remain clenched
through a heart distance silenced
macerated between fingers
in disconnected chunks of purity

When now becomes never
under the weight
of broken promises
fractured dreams still glimmer
like a sharpened knife in the sun

When now becomes never
days turn decades of disillusion
the tiniest lifeline of hope
slicing through every breath
the cruelest kindness
aspirating the viscous memory of emotion

When now becomes never
the beacon of a smile
fades into the darkness
that always surrounds it

When now becomes never
love lives on behind empty eyes
that hide a soul given
when never was never an option
9217
Jun 2017 · 693
Doltish
PrttyBrd Jun 2017
I believed
Everything you told me
And
You let me
71716
PrttyBrd May 2017
There was music in his voice
as he whispered his name in ancient tones
straight through my core

My spirit danced
as it basked in familiarity
and pain

I could feel the music reconstitute
a desiccated heart
as it regenerated belief in people...in him

In an instant, I knew what I was once sure of
I knew that, sight unseen, I was bonded
with a soul born in tandem

Circumstance be ******
there will be love
for I already loved you

The second your name sung to my essence
and I realized...

you loved me
52917 ©
May 2017 · 884
Time and Time Again
PrttyBrd May 2017
Every time your eyes touch me
my skin flushes hot and my heart tears open
making room for the love you pour into me

Every time you gift me affection
my energy reaches through miles
holding your pain until it heals in the depth of my truth

Every time you bare more of yourself to me
you fill my essence with your light
making me strive to be better than I thought I could be

Every moment you love me more intensely than the one before
it surprises me anew
proving minutes of pure love are stronger than a lifetime of tepid affection
52517
May 2017 · 505
Whispers of You
PrttyBrd May 2017
I can't drown the noise that fills the gap between breaths
Everything has a voice tied to a heartbeat
that bludgeons sanity unrecognizable

The soil once tilled for the garden last Spring
is the perfect patch of defiance
in the form of ragweed and allergies that mask fruitless tears

Places yet unseen carry life in the air
Breathing in impossible memories of tomorrows unseen
of dreams that haunt each breath with a beauty unsurpassed

Time was silent once, in your arms
Now, I can't drown the noise that fills the gap between breaths
that feel like razorblades to the eyes of what's left of my soul
And the only hint of peace I find is in the clothes that still smell like you
2317
May 2017 · 477
Cyclical
PrttyBrd May 2017
Blistered by acrid words
that swathe the air in impotence
I breathe the rancid syrup
that once begged to be lapped in carnivorous need

As verbal warfare turns disdain into silent art
Sickening orange blossom undercurrents
return deserts to waterfalls
in a futile battle of willpower and desire

Hunger breeds contempt in savage instincts
that brew both **** and loathing
Lurid fire burns the forest leaving ashen shame
that swathes the air in *impotence
21417
May 2017 · 1.0k
In Lieu of Xanax
PrttyBrd May 2017
4X6 inches
of perfection on a screen
a hint of tortured possibilities
carried in the pocket
of a life built
through blinders and
the most beautiful denial


4X6 inches
of hope undeniable
the foundation of dreams
dragging rough
through cascading walls
of a substandard fairytale
that twisted joy unhappy


4X6 inches
of a smile through a hurricane
bleeding pain through evaporating tears
a reality forged through time uncountable
landing in the rays truth created
when love proved
the existence of fate


4X6 inches*
of peace over pain
a wand in magical medicinals
crashing through solitary anguish
with eyes piercing armor
weaved in passive aggression
leading the lost home
52317
May 2017 · 2.1k
We Are Us
PrttyBrd May 2017
Falling into you I found myself
For with you I was never lost
Blinded by an unkind past
The present, tinged with shame
Became my only truth
Then... I saw you

You gazed upon me
Open and trusting
And I could no longer hide from myself
Your eyes peel me *****
And I stand bare before you
awaiting a judgment that will never come

You see what I thought I lost
What felt like it died long ago
You see who I used to be
Who I always have been
And because it's you
I believe it's true

Your smile is my hope
Your heart carries my heartbeat
Your eyes, so full of love
Prove that I am all I ever wished to be
All I was supposed to be
Before life beat the joy out of me

You found me and I knew
I knew you were mine
I knew you before I met you
I dreamed you alive so long ago,
And here in my heart, I fell in love
In your love, in loving you...

I can learn to love me
5417
May 2017 · 720
Seen
PrttyBrd May 2017
A universe in smokey hues of hypnotic perfection
Each change in depth, each glance
a reinvention of self
of my perception of your self
See me *****
or see my skin as it protects my heart

Razor-wire glistens gray
as the blades of a gaze skin me alive
Shattered memories built a person
held together by the very skin
you are burning through
with the heat of the bare truth

I see your desire and it hurts
It hurts as my broken shards fall to the floor
It hurts as your laser vision cauterizes each piece back in place
burned together to heal in the strength of love
The love that is reflected in
smokey hues of hypnotic perfection
5417
PrttyBrd May 2017
My fortress of solitude
solidifies regret
counterbalancing justification
with waning self worth

It could be worse
and I am imperfect
so I stay in this place invisible
seen only in degrees unworthy

But here alone
I can pretend I am strong
the truth hidden
by what I cannot show

Words are my friends
where my thoughts
are my enemies
Still, I remain

Not bad enough to leave
Just horrible enough to keep me hidden in this isolation
ashamed to show my face
afraid to be free and learn...

it's all true
5617
May 2017 · 447
Rhythm of Change
PrttyBrd May 2017
Time means nothing
a world apart
and truth in black lines
is still subjective

Concrete emotions blend into surroundings
and the mix perplexes those
who cannot live in the gray clouds
of a pending storm

But boy does that rain smell good
the peace in the falling change
lulls the heart into a trance
hypnotic rhythms change the beat of a dying heart

Alive or almost so
the dancing droplets look like
jellyfish flowing through life
in a grace one can never hope to achieve

Life provides the weapons to win
and the power to combat all
that comes to harm
but it does not hand us discernment

To choose to fight for or against
to be who we choose or who we believe
to trust love and doubt choices
or trust choices and doubt love

We are the warriors of our destiny
in a land that never teaches us to fight
5617
PrttyBrd Apr 2017
a limp body
carried in broken arms
to a funeral pyre
hidden in the woods

tinder, salt-saturated
won't catch
drowning in the perception
of failure

life flows out
and seeps in
healing in unfettered
emotion

exhaustion bleeds thought
cracks fuse invisibly strong
still feeling both less
yet more, somehow

pyre lays unlit
as the heart dreams ablaze
in lost memories
of a life not yet lived

one without the other
cannot exhale
breathing in all the nothing
looking for the only thing

not knowing what or where
but the when is now
as wood sits on the ashes
of what came before

in the jolt of drowning
on overflowed tears
it flows out of each
and into the other

cracks fade
accidental truth is never an accident
too tired to continue
it was found where it lay sleeping

patient and blind
sprouts into the best
of unseen possibilities
the day you carried me in silence
42417
Apr 2017 · 423
Who You Are To Me
PrttyBrd Apr 2017
My soul laid dormant
in the desolation
of the walls loneliness built
Awakened by the slow exhale
of hope that you breathed upon me
Never realizing the magic
in your very existence

Molting from transparency
to beautifully tangible
in the gaze of faith
found in a dream thought lost
You believed
and I became...me
42417
Apr 2017 · 988
United
PrttyBrd Apr 2017
Peaceful pools of liquid love
glide over me from across the room
as I fall deeper into you each passing second
You beckon me with a throaty exhale
that permeates the air with passion
Drawn to you
I'm there without a word
Lost, ensconced in the warmth of you
in the ravenous joy
that consumes us equally
forcing a smile to shine through past tears
It's a joy found only in the union of us
In the truth that we have always been one
42617
Mar 2017 · 858
Like A Rock
PrttyBrd Mar 2017
She loved him so hard she broke his balance
Stumbling through a maze of attraction, affection, and desire
Trying to find footing on familiar ground
he beat her back through his own pain
too far to torture with answered dreams
too close to ignore into normalcy

She loved him so hard he feared he'd shatter in her arms
Seeking safety in benign semblance of emotion
In a reality devoid of enamored souls
unyeilding acceptance proves unforgettable
Deemed undeserved in dreams of promises broken
Ignited by impure thoughts
Requited in guilt, martyred for the comfort
of a truth that never existed

She loved him so hard he was afraid to love her
32417
Mar 2017 · 938
Ossification
PrttyBrd Mar 2017
It's there in black and white
The greater good demands sacrifice
I fall as I fail to ******* with the sword of truth
Black clouds mask raw wounds worn as shadowed badges
And the proof of fragmented love
How can it be anything else?
A life in platitudes for a moment of freedom
A moment of honesty
A moment greater than those before and those to follow
Incarnadine pages depict the ****** of innocence
Turned ****** of crows
Set to peck out eyes that see only the good
In a smile that reflects the heart
You yearned to believe existed
Sacrificed, and still...
I would grow bone through flesh to block your pain
32117
Feb 2017 · 940
A Graceful Embrace
PrttyBrd Feb 2017
I will hold you
Tightest
When you feel most
Alone
10w
8816
PrttyBrd Feb 2017
Satin runs from dried stains
in torn reminders of convenience
Morning tastes of stale sweat and disappointment... again

Displaced retribution is a punishable offense
sentenced in hangover flashbacks fusing pain in **** heavy deviance
coddling complacency, impaling the nuisance of a persistent past

That serrated double edge glistens with humility and humiliation
licked clean by ravenous canine
flinging leftover apathy on unwitting pawns

Feeding on the deceptively needy
blinded by intoxicated cliches
mistaking release for emotion

Condemnation bartered in stolen commodities
Toilet water hydration reconstitutes enough to bleed
behind neuropathic armor and addiction to the nether
2917
Feb 2017 · 587
Of Hope and Cotton Candy
PrttyBrd Feb 2017
Building a life on cotton candy dreams
smells of the circus and carnival rides
Exuberant children in tousled sheets
Doing untrained acrobatics on a highwire of hope

Melted sugar nightmares crash without a net
Eyes burn in the stench of memories and laughter
Wearing that broken wire like a decade old prom dress
Wishing pieces of that life didn't still smell so sweet
Making everything sour by comparison

Ever wary of the remote reminiscence of
laughter and the exuberance of children
Flesh torn by that highwire gown
Whenever someone smells of the circus and carnival rides
2917
Feb 2017 · 11.3k
City Soot and Silent Promises
PrttyBrd Feb 2017
The sewer stink of street trash
marries the scent of desire
veiled in crimson shadows
reflected on the damp pavement

Thoughts silenced by the gasp
of nylons being shredded by possibility
Teeth grip then slip
on the sweat of a humid night

Fireball burns sweet
as night lands on the flesh in city soot
a grit that makes every movement
a sanguinary promise
forged on the edge of pain

Owned. Taken. Willed.
Filled with primal intoxication
that turns warm city nights
into shameless memories
wrapped in the stink of street trash
2217
PrttyBrd Dec 2016
My love
My life
Blissful truths sustain me
Our time is just beginning
Tests and trials abound
tearing flesh open over scars
It changes nothing
My love for you grows
with each passing second
My heart is overjoyed in tactile memories
The smell of your skin soothes me
The sound of your laughter begs a smile
Your pewter eyes shimmer in love's reflection
The essence of you resides in me
as the truth of who I am resides in you
Unmasked and laid bare
I am at your feet
offering you all that I am
For it has always been yours
And you have always been mine
Our eternity is united, entwined
Through the flames that burn away
a world we were never meant to fight through,
we will emerge a sphere of light
a cosmic bubble of peace
Love seems too small of a word
though it is all there is
We.. are
We are love
We are truth
We are both reality and the dream
We cure the disease of distance
with a spirit that defines us
Meet me through the miles
where this plane cannot reach us
where time is eternal
And the blissful truth of us
remains pure
Untainted by an unkind world
which is nothing
But tomorrow's past
122316
To the Him who loves Her
Eternally my soul is in your charge

Always and Forever
Oct 2016 · 785
Sunset Dreams in Fugue
PrttyBrd Oct 2016
Through bloodstone eyes
to a soul too far away
Distance over time makes speed
though no haste is made
A beach in grains of broken shells
lines sunset ocean dreams
in brilliant golden glitter
All that lies between the person and the picture
is a mind in fugue
tied to a heart stuck in oblivion
Lost in bloodstone eyes
of a soul too far away
102116
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