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Shelbie Oct 2014
Nighttime is scary.
The “monster under the bed” or
the “ghost in the dark”
are childish compared to what
the night really holds.
It holds loneliness,
quietness,
truth.
The truth that
you are not important.
not another soul cares.
Your thoughts are your only “friend”,
and even those are dangerous.
Beckoning.
Calling to me.
SHOUTING at me to give in.
Give in to the urges.
Give in to the hurt.
Open the ivory,
and let the red pour out.
The shine of silver was my only solace,
the “light at the end of the tunnel”.
The SHOUTING is endless.
Deafening.
Screaming to make it stop only makes it louder.
The SHOUTING shakes me.
V
   i
      b
         r
            a
               t
                  i
                     n
                        g
   throughout my body.
M o v i n g me to give in.
Give in.
Give in.
It yells.
It screams.
It is SHOUTING.
Cursing,
yelling,
crying,
screaming.
Nothing works.
“just be quiet. please.”
A whisper.
The SHOUTING stops.
I am all alone again.
The silence is endless.
Deafening.
Screaming for it to come back only makes it more still.
The silence shakes me.
V
   i
      b
         r
            a
               t
                  i
                     n
                        g
   throughout my body.
M o v i n g me to plead.
To plead.
To plead.
It’s hushed.
It’s reticent.
It is silent.
Begging,
praying,
demanding,
urging.
Nothing works.
“come back.”
A whisper.
The SHOUTING doesn’t return.
Shelbie Oct 2014
Flashes of red
Pulses of black
I can feel the urges surging through my veins
The red is begging to come out through carved lines on skin
The black is threatening to consume me like a tidal wave
Temptations stain the white with blacks and reds
Help me

Whirlpools of anger and anxiety boil over
The darkness beckons to me
And I cannot see Your face
The clouds block the sun
The fog blurs my vision
Help me

I long to see the sunshine
I yearn to have clarity
But when the feeling of abandonment consumes you
You have no hope
Your faith is shaken
Help me

When the sun goes down and the darkness spreads
You are hard to find
You seem to hide, and I cannot seek
I cannot move, I cannot speak
I cannot find you in this storm
I am drowning
Help me

The clouds break
The sun rises
The rain begins
Reds and blacks are washed away
Turning mistakes into purpose
Your grace has covered me
I am unbroken, I am found
My faith lets me stand my ground
You helped me

— The End —