I slept peacefully,
dreaming I was with you
closing the distance between
the clouds white
and the sky blue
floating on fluffy clouds of dreams
I awoke suddenly,
sinking deep into the blurry seams
suddenly, so very lost without you
and once again, widening the gap
between what I wanted us to be,
and what I always knew was true

~ ©️ Priya, 4/19

"Bitter truth of reality. When you hold something closely, you lose it nearly".

~ Pearce Crizyel

I tried to dip my feet in the murky water
of the lake I conciously kept passing by
I had not been there in so long;
scared of unfamiliar territories
and bringing back memories
I had tucked neatly away to be forgotten
I thought I would never get the chance
to dip my feet in again
but life can take us on so many paths;
time moving so very fast,
almost passing us by
The water was so cold,
like unfamiliar territory
that somehow I thought
I could visit again
I swirled the sand with my feet
beneath the ice cold water
and cut my toe on a shell
Just as well, I thought
Perhaps I'll try again tomorrow

~ ©️ Priya 4/21/23 🕉

So many toes have crushed
the very grains of sand
that give the ripples of you stability
Why, I wonder, do you crave my feet
with soles so incomplete
I have been trodden on
and accused of trodding upon
I am much like the broken shells
you wish was whole again
How I crave the tingling
of rushing water against my ankles
and the foaming bubbles
like pearls cradled in sunlight
dancing at my feet
How I ache to be whole again
like the brightly colored
imperfection of seashells

~ ©️ Priya 4/21/23 🕉

We are oceans apart;
two poets with nothing in common
but the delicate words
dangling between us,
like dandelion seeds,
forever ready to take flight
You are dressed to rule the world
with shiny shoes and newly pressed suits
manipulating numbers
that no one dares to dispute
A man with so many passions
juggling your dreams
battling your demons
becoming a master
of all the moments in your destiny
And then there is me
Two feet in the water
tip-toing on slippery sands
fumbling over broken memories
that no one understands
but my digital pen and paper;
each of us reaching
for all the delicate words
that hang in between us
Two poets, oceans apart,
exploring the written journey
between us,
simply trying to write our own story

~ ©️ Priya Patel 4/22/23 🕉

Sharing comes from trust
but you never shared with me
I had to think about that for awhile,
wonder why you would let
your thoughts pile;
push them into a corner to collect steam
while I was lost in loves dream
I would wield poetry like a sword
slaying all walls of communication
using words to express flirtation
so you would know exactly how I feel,
there were no layers left of me to peel
In your presence, I was a new flower
blooming every time you were near
but with me, your thoughts were never clear
I would shower you with syrupy words
not knowing that you were slowly
shutting me out
I wonder about your thoughts now,
months later,
slowly collecting steam
and while I was lost in loves dream,
you must have been swimming in loves'
doubts
So many years of ups and downs
together we had broken so many grounds
together we had swam through joy and pain
just to find ourselves here,
all alone again
drowning in all of loves' doubts

~ ©️ Priya, 4/23/23 🕉

You there
me here
writing of our fears
shivering leaves
in winters wake
poetic medicines
for loves aches
we are the ink
that drips  
with loves pain
that is what we are
and here we are again
writing in the sky
where your words fly
like tiny hummingbirds
wings flapping
on my tiny screen
Do you see what I see
Emotions into poetry
Feelings flow like symmetry
Your words to me
For me to read
To read your poetry of me

~ ©️ Priya Patel, Nov 16, 22 🕉

Dew from the morning rain
slides down like tears
along the petals of my cheeks
Your finger tip
takes a gentle dip
listening to how sadness speaks
along the banks of my tears,
catching a glimpse of the lonliness
that grips all of my fears
Nourished by the dew
of the mornings rains,
the rose of me
glimmers once again
waiting for the warmth
of your poetic touch

Tread soft today upon the snow
where gently she falls
and roses could grow
Let the chill of the morning
soothe your soul
as you sip from this winters morning

I watched the skies above me
instantly change view
to a bright tangerine orange
from a midnight blue;
a magical float
that can so easily arouse
the gentle caressing
of chameleon clouds
They dip and sway
to a seductive play
in the changing room
of mornings dew
How I wished
I was a chameleon too,
changing with the time

© Priya Patel ~ 11/18/22 🕉

You stumbled before me
like a lost leaf
hunting for a bed to rest on
I saw the jagged edges,
the bruising of colors;
and I knew your
life here was not done
So I sit here,
searching for the words
with the hum of the fan
urging me on
yet bundled in sheets
from the cool air in my skin
to show you
your life has just begun,
searching for the words
to lift you back up
to show you it's not too late
to drink from loves cup
You are a magnificent leaf
with golden hues
and ribbons of rubies
a whimsy to use
so that I too can believe in love

I wonder how it must have felt
to feel the icy chill against your cheeks
and the wind against your back
as you loose yourself in serenity
So many different times
I wished it was me;
aching for the peace I could see
in your eyes
like a calming surprise
that just takes your breath away
I see the world fade
as the boat softly sways
and silence sets in
I imagine the soft rush of water
chasing the paddles
as your arms swing back and forth,
moving with the current
and utterly content
watching birds glide
across the bluest of skies;
icy breath into contented sighs  
reflection of wings
seen in the clearest of waters
like a mirror of beauty
never before seen;
cut by the couple paddling a canoe
in the lake

Well I snapped today
I lost my temper
and my God loving cool
perhaps even my sanity
and I feel like a fool
for hurting the one person
in this world that's needs me
I'm trying so hard
and I am failing miserably
I think this is what we call
a breakdown
I don't know if I can
turn this around
It's not easy letting someone down
especially someone who is your world
I did it though
and with just a few loud words
I let my frustration and despair
out of the box and into the air
and all reasoning went out the door
I was so angry,
I threw everything on the table
resoundingly to the floor
and stormed out of the house frustratingly
leaving him hurt, confused, and angry
I've never lost my cool like that before
Every hour of every day
I watch him grieve
and I don't know what to say
to make this pain go away
I just don't know what to say
All I want to do is help him

~ Priya Patel 🕉,  March 11, 22

The morning drizzled in
soft and slow
like the rising sun;
and so did my pain
Unexplained, unexpected
feelings perhaps,
that have been neglected;
a sudden sadness
lurking in the quiet
waiting for this day to come

You left me in March,
almost a year somehow
The days have passed miserably
and I am wondering now
if there was something
I could have done;
maybe I should have
paid more attention,
anything to keep you here with me
Today, I'm missing you
miserably

My tears are flowing
like waterfalls
and all my thoughts
are slammed into walls,
all with pictures of you
Your crazy haircuts
and your goofy smiles
the loudest music
I can hear from miles
as you are driving home to see me
Today, I'm missing that music miserably
Today little brother,
I'm missing you

~ Priya Patel 🕉,  03/09/21

Somewhere dazzling,
across a crimson horizon
between the rising of the tides
and the setting of the sun
is the blue hour
I am there now
laying in the clouds
flying through my dreams
or floating on lily pads
in blue green streams
basking in the peace of silence
Oceans of waves
lapping at my feet
away from the hustle
alone in my retreat
This is where I can be found;
humming between the delicate folds
of the rising tides and the setting sun,
soft in the mist of my blue hour

~ Priya Patel 🕉 , March 7, 22

I saw this photograph
and immediately thought of you
or maybe everything lately
reminds me of you
Maybe in heaven
you are thinking of me too
I love the thought of that

I see you standing tall
within the turbulent tide
and the rest of us,
like returning waves,
clamor at your feet to hide
from all of the thunderstorms of life

You were always protecting us that way
always knowing what to say
and welcoming all the returning waves
into your arms
I miss you mom,
today, everyday, and everyday to come
I miss you washing over me with your arms

~ Priya Patel 🕉,  03/06/22

I know how lost you must feel
I've been there
I've walked in your shoes
and cried in the dark
just like you are probably doing
right now, I know ...
You are told to be strong
which is so very wrong
because I promise you
it's ok to just let yourself go
it's ok to let your hurt show
you don't have to stand tall
I'll catch you if you fall
you don't have to act
like everything's ok
Just be you my friend
and as a family,
you will all be strong
for each other

~ Priya Patel 🕉,  March 05, 22

I think, sometimes,
I walk through life
with blindfolds on
I lean towards the dark
and ignore the light
that in my mind is already gone
I see only what I want to see
and blindly ignore
what is right in front of me;
forever walking through life
with these blindfolds on
How inhibiting this has been
I have always believed
that I was broken, but the truth is
that I am forever healing
and I'm ok with that feeling
because I'm tired of
seeing through these blindfolds
Today, I tried to stop worrying
about everyone around me
I tried living in the moment
and what a glorious sight to see,
like my son smiling so bright
I could see the light in his eyes
and the happiness in my dads face
when I met him at his favorite place
and we spent an hour
reminiscing about our yesterday's
All this I saw today
It's definately time I think,
to throw these blindfolds away

~ Priya Patel 🕉,  March 4, 22

I tried to bring back the past,
to face old hurts and joys
thinking I was so strong
and unaffected
How wrong I was;
I was affected
I thought I had moved on
and that all my yesterday's of you
were just wonderful memories
tucked quietly away for a rainy day
to smile about
I thought I could hug you,
touch the warmth of your hand
and the soft of your eyes
and feel nothing but acceptance
Instead, I felt all our yesterday's
with one look, one smile
and everything inside me changed
I remembered every moment
of our waterfall dreams
and our castles in the sky
and I remembered telling you goodbye
I thought I was strong, unaffected
and no matter how wrong
and in so many ways it may have been,
I was very much affected

~ Priya 🕉,  3/3/22

If not me, then with whom
whom to pretend with
to act tough with
to be angry with
when the answers you seek
are not answers at all
If not me, then with whom
to be your faithful eyes
when you just can't see
and to hear the things
you ignore determinedly
all the while, fervently
pushing me away
I don't know what to say
or how to be
but I'm here, waiting patiently
for you to finally see me
for me, for you
I'm here, fumbling, stumbling
through something so humbling
hating that your hurting
hating that we are crumbling
when all I want to do
is hold you, help you
be the rock you know me to be
just as you have been for me

~ Priya 🕉,  Feb 26, 22

As days and nights  have swam us by
I have managed to stay afloat
paddling away thru endless waves
alone in my one-man boat
One by one, oceans of memories
silently pass me by
as I row my way back to you
across a star flecked sky
My faith and hope delicately hang
by a few mangled golden threads
woven together in the mystical air
and the many tears for you I have shed
I'm rowing my way
across a star flecked sky
praying for a magical glimpse
of that love in your eyes
as I row my way back to you

~ Priya 🕉,  Feb 24, 22

I'm learning the sky
like leaves understands the breeze
so that I find you

You could be the clouds
here one minute, gone the next
floating past my dreams

You are all my nights
I search for you in the stars
foolishly it seems

My pleading whispers
like an owl on a branch
silently alone

I'll search endlessly
like falling leaves search for ground
so that you come home

~ Priya 🕉,  2/23/22

Do you ever see me
in your starry nights,
just after the street noise dies
amongst the many dimming lights
and all that you feel is this quietness
Perhaps that quiet is me
wrapping you in a blanket of peace
or that sudden breeze
in the shivering leaves,
that could be me kissing your cheeks
In the sky immence
and on your darkest of nights
that shimmering star
behind the dimming street lights
high up in the sky
is me
There are no miles
or oceans or obstacles between us
that can keep me from lighting your path;
just look for me in your starry nights
That shimmering star is me

~ Priya 🕉 Feb 20, 22

I found you;
hidden in a corner
on a forgotten shelf,
almost overlooked
next to something
exclusively for myself
hiding in my subconscious
where no one but me could find you

You are my needs;
and like uncultured seeds
you were left unloved
until I found you
It's my turn now
to want and need
to water my seeds
and bloom into the flower
I know I can be

~ Priya, 🕉  2/16/22

"the optimal goal is the replacement of false needs by true ones, the abandonment of repressive satisfaction"

~ Herbert Marcuse

Sometimes,
we have to step outside of ourselves
and leave the world we are in
to find the peace we have lost
within us

I had to let that sink in
and find myself again
before everything me,
dissapeared

That is where I am now;
stepping away,
spontaneous, unexpectedly
finding myself

Who knows,
maybe I'll like what I find

~ Priya 🕉,  2/10/22

and then, you were 18
just like that
so hard for me to see
who I'm looking at
so eager to grow up
my world shook up
my baby, my smiles
my happiness for miles
ready to take on the world

It's all happening so fast
and I'm not ready
for this show
I've anxiously waited
for this day
and also dreaded it so
where a boy
becomes a man
and a mother let's go

Eshan, I will forever see you
as the boy that saved me
Happy 18th Birthday
my sweet, sweet baby

~ Priya, Jan 7, 22 🕉

Every single day,  
at least three times a day,
I find myself asking him
how could you forget,
or how can you blame me
for wanting to protect
when every moment spent
can so easily be forgotten
How selfish of me
not to understand or see
that this is not about me
How far have I fallen
to miss the simplest truth
that this new path we are taking
you did not choose
and in fact,  how very blessed I am
at how much is truly remembered
The simplest of truths
is that you are  just fine
perhaps it is me that has lost my way

~ Priya 🕉,  Jan 4, 22

The time has taken so many twisted paths
so many moments and memories
and yet, between us, with all the time passed
I imagine you still the same

The rare smile that would light up the sky
and the rough of your hands against soft
A blue plaid shirt and the twinkle in your eye
I imagine you still the same

Now new moments and memories will come to tide
a chance to absorb the joys and pains passed
a bond that even time cannot divide
Because in the end, we are truly the same

Yesterday was frozen waterfalls
and so many broken dreams,
tomorrow's forcast
is unexpected it seems
Perhaps a reminisce of time lost
and a tear or few I think
endless cups of brewed coffee
nerves and anticipation on the brink
I'll share with you my secret wish
of this meeting I needed for so long
for just a hug and to hold my hands
reunite memories that together belong
Simply human but special indeed
someone so very much always in need
Weaving dreams under waterfalls
then enduring pains from broken walls
So many things I have to say to you
So many times I wanted to call
Soon, now soon I can finally tell you
Two words however small
Two words I have lived with
have fought with, have cried with
Two words that sums it all
Words that have lived beneath my breath
these two words, my fallen stars
I'm sorry ...

~ Priya 🕉 2/3/22

You don't have to remember,
I'll remind you
I'll love you when it's dark
and I'll shower you with light  
I'll understand
when things do not seem right
I'll try not to be angered
because you were never with me
I will walk with you
forever, endlessly
Wherever there is dark,
there must be light
I will help you with this fight
I am here

~ Priya 🕉, 2/5/22

What beauty is this
where the cool crisp air
hugs the warmth of the sun;
and where the hands of a tree
in a quieted silence
reach out to me
What beauty is this
where the sun's rays
tickle my face
and a gentle breeze
like an unexpected tease
reminds me of everything you
What beauty is this
where the pitter patter of rain
leaves the unmistakable stain
of my memories
and like the hands of the trees
beneath the warmth of the sun
where magical dreams
are miraculously spun,
all that I feel are your arms
Like a blanket of comfort,
nature's mystical allure
wraps around me
in the quieted silence of peace
What beauty is this

~ Priya 🕉,  2/6/22

Soon, sleep soon

Soon,  my eyes will grow tired,
tired of staring at imaginative shadows
and the tiny specs of lights
from here and there;
tired of the sounds coming
from God knows where
and from the hundreds of other
useless excuses that are keeping me
from falling asleep
It would be easier to weep,
to drown in a thousand
stress filled tears;
the same ones threatening
to spill for years;
but just won't
How ironic my life has become;
smiling, laughing, and crying
all in the same breath of air,
a carnival ride of what is
and isn't fair
I've grown used to the shadows
and the tiny specs of light
Even the many imaginative sounds
have become used to me
tossing and turning
like the troubled waves
of a turbulent sea

Soon, my eyes will grow tired


~ Priya 9/29/2020 🕉

In the many silent moments
between us, 
I prayed for the noise of you;
ached for the soft of your voice
and the warmth of your breath,
I missed the kiss of your eyes
and the tiny sighs 
and every sound of you 
that reminded me you were mine 
In the many silent moments apart, 
my heart screamed in pain 
Slowly,  I began to wilt 
and all the castles together we built,
suddenly seemed so far away 

Until you called me .... 
and all the silent moments between us, 
melted away 

~ Priya 🕉 Aug 16, 2020

The years of late
have not been kind to you Papa
I have seen you stumble
and cried as you fall
but more importantly,
I've have watched you crawl
your way back the the top
That is where you deserve to be
at the top of your life
free from strife
living the best of your years
instead of catching all of our tears
You are always
living each moment for us
How proud mom would be
knowing how hard for us you fight
holding us forever tight
in the warmth and love
of your embrace
How proud I am
to call you my Papa


Happy Birthday dad,
I truly love and treasure
every moment of every day
I have with you


~ Priya 🕉

I didn't know how bad I was
how my laughter could hurt you
and how my smile brought you pain
how you needed to beat me again and again

You needed my pain,
to cut me with knives
my blood was your air
and my screams breathed you life

I didn't know how bad I was
that you had to lock me up with fear
gagged, tied, and burnt
from my head to my ears

You needed my pain
to take away yours
so you killed me each day
again and again

I was only eight years old
and I could finally breath peace
I knew I was dying  
I love you mom, I'm sorry I was me

~ Priya 🕉, Feb 29, 2020


In memory of Gabriel Fernandez, a story and a boy that has forever changed me

I love how you make plans,
smiling like an anxious kid
floating on clouds
that only rain for me
excited for the weekend to come
and for all the amazing places
you want to take me
Even through all your
personal torments,
you look happy

I watch you from the side
as if I wasn’t even a part of the plan
as if all my confusion and doubts
that we just talked about
was all in my head
as if you forgot
everything that was said
I watch you make plans
I feel like it’s all for you
but deep down, I know
I know it’s all for me

I wonder,
do you see what I see?

I accept, I'm in denial,
head over heels, madly in love
with living each day in the dark
The bite of truth is so much harder
then the occasional sudden bark
It's easier this way
It hurts less, makes the truth
seem so much less important;
until it's not
Denial felt safe
but never truly real,
and now the bite
I can finally feel;
the ripping of flesh
bit by bit with subtle nips
of truth
Dark was good, but grey ...
this frightens me
I have too many questions
that I'm too scared
to find answers to,
too many clues
that leaves me asking,
What do I do?
So yes, I'm living in no
Let fate question the answers ...


~ Priya 🕉️ Feb 19, 2020

My moment best

Just as the sun, soft and gentle,
rises into the day,
so did my son
Half walking, partially sleeping,
occasionally stumbling,
slowly creeping his way
across the cold tiled floor
until silently,
he stood swaying in my doorway
In the tiniest voice, he whispered,
"Mommy can I sleep with you?"
I opened my arms like the branches of a tree
and like a baby bird to his nest,
as soft as can be
he lay soft against my chest
I knew from then
that from all the moments
and memories of today,
that this would be my best
With his hands wrapped around my waist,
and his breath soft against my chest;
I knew from then
that from all the moments
and memories of today,
that this would be my best


🕉️ ~ Priya

Helpless

My rock,
my one and only rock
is slowly slipping away
The rock that held us all up;
that surrounded us with years
of protective care,
is struggling to stand tall himself
I feel helpless;
helpless that I can't fix
all the circumstances
that life has forced upon him,
helpless that I cant heal
that which cannot be healed,
cant change that
which cannot be changed;
helpless that I cannot
bring his roses, tulips
and all his laughter back
I feel helpless
Helpless that I can't bring Mom back
I can only pray
that now I can be his rock


~Priya 🕉️

Whispers in the wall

The walls in my room,
where my thoughts fester
like decaying bacteria,
have changed shape
They seem shorter,
like the ceiling is dropping
and suddenly, I can see
where old paint is peeling
and a cobweb I didn't see before
is now making a home
by television on the wall
My room is no longer a place of rest
not when your silence next to me
is slowly pushing me out
I can feel you next to me,
can hear your deep breathing,
inhaling, exhaling
but the warmth that once enveloped me
is now gone
So I bury myself
between the cold blankets
and listen all night
to the festering thoughts
that whispers to me from the walls


~ Priya 🕉️

Your words

Your words, so cold
as you spit them in my face
Freezing embers
burning my heart
Like festering ants
multiplying words
a wall now built
tearing us apart
Your words, so cold
have frozen my heart
and I can't get the hurt
off my mind
Your words, so cold
and you don't even know
you don't even know
what you said


🕉️ - Priya

I thought I had lost
I thought the ground beneath me
was slipping away
that I had fallen
and was slowly drifting astray
drowning in the pain
of losing my son, once again
I thought I had lost
everything ...

Then he texted me
he's coming home
from dark, the light
had suddenly shone
If only a day,
or an hour or two
I'll take every moment
I can with you
To hear you laugh
To see you smile
If only for a little while

If only a day,
or an hour or two
I'll take every moment
I can with you
My son is coming home ...

~

it's quiet,
but not as silent
as I would have imagined
after all my bricks fell down
I think, looking back over the years
even through the roughest waters
there were never any tears
just wave after wave of emotions
a swimmer fighting not to drown
but eventually,
all my bricks fell down
it's quiet
no laughter in sight
no will to fight
no longer toiling in a useless plight
just the tumbling of bricks
that fell down

© Priya Patel 10/12/18

For hours I sat
between the rustling leaves
and the humming wind;
the tender kiss of breeze
upon my eyes
I could hear the singing
of birds and the laughter
from the ripples in the lake
and the soft, cozy blanket
of peace around my arms
I was just a ******* a bench
between the rustling leaves
and the humming wind
with the tender kiss of breeze
upon my eyes ...

~ Priya

So well I remember
the clinking of our glasses and
the "cheers" that followed
with laughter and happiness
We were like kids that day
sipping from cocktails of love,
never realizing how truly
we were blessed
We were the dream team;
a mother and two daughters
sipping from cocktails of love

© Priya ॐ 7/2/17

Some memories are realities, and are better than anything that can ever happen to one again.

~ Willa Cather

I'm sorry if the tears of me
are staining your pages
What sky do you know
bleeds sunshine everyday?
Even the clouds
need a healthy cry;
a common ground
for the raindrops to dry
But rest assured,
my rainbow is just
beyond the horizon

© Priya ॐ 7/2

The word 'happy' would lose its meaning if it were not balanced by sadness.

~  Carl Jung

My words today
are soft like silk
and warm like the honey
that kisses your lips
Perhaps from there
my words will sip
They become the  
devine intertwine
of consonants and vowels
like fingers twirling through
the strands of my hair
Today I will smile into the air
and from the corner of my eyes
poetry will drip
filling your pages with me

© Priya ॐ 6/29

A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds.

~ Percy Bysshe Shelley

Our silence echoes
like the annoying drip
of a leaking faucet
Yesterday mine,
perhaps, today yours
Both of us entangled
in this vortex of life
Our lives intertwined
like the familiar curling
of branches in a tree
We are, in one moment,
the subtle waves that crash
in a peaceful hum at the shore
but then drifts off in an endless sea
We are together yet oceans apart
Both so busy with our
everyday stresses
Every moment spent
on life's unexpected messes
And so we listen
as the soft ticking
of time passes us by
I miss you
I miss who you were
when she was still here
I miss just sitting with you
and watching hours of TV,
even the silly moments
when all we do is laugh
I miss all the moments we loose
while we are oceans apart
I wish she was here
but shes not
and I really need you back

A lifetime of moments
spread like tiny seeds
scattered at her feet
Learning, growing
smiling, crying
laughter and tears
giggles and fears
and all the ups and downs
of a girl with stars in her eyes
and dreams in her skies
A lifetime of moments
spread like tiny seeds
scattered by innocent feet
so she can bloom
like blue in the spring
and purple in the fall
She has now blossomed
into a flower of all seasons

She is Payal...