A spiral
A staircase
A long fall

How ever you decend it's always down,
Never do we see the light before we go,
It's forever darkness,
Never do we know what waits for us,
We think we know,
We hope we know,
Never do we get a chance to change our minds,
It's there it's easy once you've made the distance to get there.

What ever we do we decend,
I won't romanticise it it's not a decision we should make yet we do,
I won't tell you to stop because that will push you even harder than before because hell what do I know.

But I will say is this:

My mind is my prison
My body the vehicle I use
My soul the fuel
The decent my escape

Every morning it is there
Every night it welcomes me like a lover
Every time I close my eyes it becons to me
Every time I get up it threatens to pull me down

Yet I stand strong
Resting on the edge
Like running a knife across my throat hard enough to bite but not bleed
A damgours game to feel alive
To feel at all

A decent into darkness
A game we play alone

Let me show you my pain
Let me show you my longing
Let me show you view

A perfect breakfast
Sunlight shining down warming my skin
A perfect cup of coffee
A ciggerette just lit with the whips of smoke catching the sunlight
A ****** breakfast

A moment caught in between perfect and terrifying
A moment of peace and pain
No distraction from thought or feeling
A bitter sweet morning breakfast

A view of the world from someone else's eyes
Perfect captured beauty an image of someone's mind
The feelings rise with the symmetry of there view but lack the full impact
Why can I understand but not feel
A moment of pleasure and a pain
An irony set out for another day

A look caught across the train
A look caught while walking down the street
The smile and warmth the missed moment
A moment of agony knowing it will never be yours to know there desire

A chased moment as two lips meet
The tearing of clothes in passion
A must so strong no thought can intrude
A perfect moment in time music playing in the back ground
Two hearts beating side by side
It ends as it always does and everybody knows it can never continue

A memory of shared pain and remembrance
A look into my soul and you see the pain not emotion just pain nothing left of emotion
A tear rolling down a cheek weather mine or yours it doesn't matter because it's a shared memory of pain neither same or different an echo of agony neither can understand

See my world and understand the depth
See my point of view and know what there is to know
See the pain and remember your own

Find your way to remind yourself that this world has reasons to live

My point of view is just one and reasons have yet to be found but I'm still looking through tinted eyes to find my reason.

No matter where I am
No matter the time of day
No matter who I am with

I am lost

No matter what they say
No matter what they believe
No matter what they know

I am lost

No matter how I try
No matter what I do
No matter who I try to be

I am lost

Lost in a crowd
Lost in a family
Lost in a world of people
Lost in my own mind

I am lost

A dark night
A misty morning
All signs of life hidden
My mind open to the sounds of the world
But closed off from life

A dark night full of terror
A misty morning of regrets
Memories of a life befor
A feeling of longing for a time gone by

A dark night full of nightmares
A misty morning of hope
My feet move to find a new path
My heart searches for a new feeling

A dark night twisting and turning me over
A misty morning pulling me awake
My life beats my mind into submission
My eyes see all but understands nothing

A dark night
A misty morning
And still lost hope that I can't find
And still looking for the past to be the future.

This life
This day
This week
This year

It's all new
It's all perfect

It's a life without regrets
It's a life without sorrow

It's a life I thought I'd never have
It's a life I thought I'd lost
It's a life I'd left behind

Held by two
Standing on a ledge
Shadows behind edging closer
Sounds whisper past my ears
I close my eyes and feel the rush coming

Held by two
The rush stops
The sounds silence
The shadows step back

Held by two
One a friend
One my life

With out both the ledge looms
The sounds rush and the shadows push

Held by two

I don't know
I don't know why

I don't know what I'm doing
I don't know why I'm doing it

I don't know who
I don't know where

I don't know why it matters
I don't know why you care

I don't know why I'm still here
I don't know why I still try

Late nights
Early mornings

No sleep
Sleep all day

I don't know

What this is.

To fear is to leave life behind,

To fear is to forget how to live,

To fear is to lose all you hold dear,

To fear is to get lost in your own mind,

Yet I fear for myself my family and my love,

And I have forgotten how to live.

Lost forever.

I know not what the night brings other than a darkness so foul it has no words.

I know not what the night brings but hot words badly said but heard none the same.

I know not the night brings but a pain so sharpe its likeness to a knife stabbed deep within the heart.

I know not what the night brings.

Not a day goes by that I don't thank who ever made this world because they made you and I'm making you they have made me a new with love and happiness in my heart.

But not a day goes by that I do not worry, that I am not scared that one day you will no longer be here by my side.

But not a day goes by that I do not worry about you because you are my life my love and my soul.

But not a day goes by where I don't worry because I can not stand to lose you.

But not a day goes by where I do not worry because without you I am an empty shell.

But not a day goes by where I do not worry about you my love. My one and only my world.

I love you infinity and beyond and back again forever and always.

But not a day goes by that I do not worry and that's okay because that's just who I am.

The vibrations rocking your skull,
The bass trapping your thoughts as your body catches up,
The power of pure bass collapsing all thoughts of moving,

Raw power
Pure emotion
Raw bass
Pure vibration.

Dubstep watch you drop as the bass hits.

music blasting into my ears,
rain pelting my face like tears from a forgotten god,
wind blasting against me,
but in all this chaos i have never more alive,
the fight to put on foot in front of the other,
pure primal force of me against her the mother of all nature,
the fight to survive the onslaught.

the fight to live.

The feel of skin on skin,
The feeling of clothes being pulled torn off,
The push of her hands to make me move,
The feel of her hands trailing over my body,
The tingle the leave,
The feel of luxurious lips kissing my skin,
The final push the gasp of pleasure,
The joining of two hearts and soul,
The glorious Ecstasy.

Have me i'm yours.
Take me i'm yours.
Own my i'm yours.

I'm Yours.

Welcome Princess,

Why don't you walk over here and see where you'll be staying.

Yes Princess this is definitely the place this is no mistake.

Her eyes take in the black walls and thick lush red carpet the four poster bed with ropes hanging down onto the mattress,
she sees the chains on the wall and her heart beat quickens her body trembles with excitement,

O how how she trembles white skin a paler shade of white shivers of anticipation and lust,

O how she craves the touch of skin on skin, the feel of hard callused hands running over her back down her plump buttocks and down her inner thigh,

Her soul crying out for abandon of everything crying out for the last push of muscle waiting for the tensing and the in drawn breath, waiting for the hard gripping hands waiting for that final push to pull her into oblivion.

Thank you my prince she says as she slips out of white silk dress and knells next to her prince charming waiting barley able to contain her lust and hope of oblivion.

Welcome Princess to my world.

The hub bub of the local pub,
The endless chitter chatter of pointless conversations,
The no point small talk of weather and how do yous do's,

The noise of comfort and solace,
The shield of silence,
The comfort of anonymity,

This is England,
This is the pub.

Welcome to the night and the darkness,
Welcome to the shadow world the opposite of the daylight,
Welcome and rejoice,

For here is the place where the rules no longer exist,
For here the air is ecstasy and the water is spirits,
For here lust and *** is currency,
For here is the last place in the world you can go.

The final frontier to explore and expolite,
The last line of morality,
The last line of a good conscience,
For here is the end of humanity.

Take my hand and join me on a adventure into the unknown.

The land of dreams and fantasies that's the unknown that we take a step into which turn into a spiral decent of madness.

Take my hand and join me on this adventure into the waters so warm and air so fresh and of mind and body that nobody can express.

Take my hand and let us explore the deepest and darkest desires and let us explore the body shaking mind shattering expirences of our fantasies.

Take my hand and join me on this adventure and let your explore yourself.

The Sound,
The Feel,
That Crazy Electro Beat,
The swing of your hips and the sound of your tapping feet,
The infectious sound of your voice,
The husky **** feel of the sound against my body,
The infectious feel of your hip sway,
God that Electro swing has infected me.

There once was a posh boy all alone in town,
He saw the sign for a good night going down,
The sign was neon and bright,
and all it said was,
SHOTS SHOTS SHOTS,
So down he went and started his decline,
Shouting SHORT'S, SHORT'S, SHORT'S.

Insecure lives of all those around us,
The dreams and hopes of all those random people,
The shedding of tears and smiles,
The wonderful sound of laughter from delicate giggles to outrageous snorts.

The world is passing us by step by step,
So lets enjoy it,
The Sad,
The Happy,
The Wonderful.

The hopeless romantics with notions of love forever till death,
To the man ****** and women of ****** needs who grab and pull at each others clothes,
The old couples who know each other better than they know them selves.

The World is life,
And We the People are the World,
The World is life.

Lets Enjoy Each Other

Come on guys,
Get up,
Stand Up,
Lie to me,
Come on guys,
Get Up,
Stand Up,
Pull or Fist's up,
Lets get it on guys,

Come on,
Get up,
Stand Up.

Lets have this fun now Come on.

Take my hand dear,
Lay down beside me dear,
Look into my eyes and become lost with me,
Take my hand dear,
And we will go to a place where only we know,
Take my hand dear,
Close your eyes dear,
Lay down beside me and let's go to a place where only we know,
Take my hand dear.

Because I don't want to go without you.

Day by Day the phone calls come,
Day by Day the knocks come on my door,
The Hounds have been released,
Baying for blood,
Baying for the liquid green blood they call theres,
Baying for my hard work,
Baying for the liquid green that i harvested,
That i Worked for,
The Pencil pushing hounds have been released.

Day by day the hounding comes.

sitting back and relaxing,
turing the screen on in my head,
i turn up the volume and cant hear anything,
the screen crackles to life,
where once there were colours there is now,

Black,
White,
Gray,

life passing by in a blur,
colours seeped out and washout,
peoples faces blur,
actions lost of meaning,

i tried to change the channel,
nothing happened,
stuck in a loop of the same colours,
the same meaningless expressions and actions,

life is a film meant to be enjoyed in colours and life and sounds.

im lost looking at the black and white screen.
Lost for what seems to be a life time.

im lost in my own head,
i can see my self do all the things in this world,
i can see myself make tea and dinner,
walk and get dressed,
but i can touch,
but i cant change whats going on,
but i cant change what im doing,
im lost in my own body,
i don't recognise what im doing anymore,
losing my self seemed safe and now it seems to be be the best choice,
out of body out of mind.

getting lost in my self and forgetting who i am and what i was.

what a glorious felling losing oneself.

but im lost in myself and although glorious i can't change whats happening around me i can get back.

Light likes to think its the fastest thing,
That it can travel anywhere and be the first there,
Light believes nothing can beat it to its destination.
But no matter how fast or far light goes it is always beaten,
because darkness has always got there first and is always waiting for the light.

Life isn't optional,
We are all born,
We all take our fist steps and say our first words,
We all take those steps and we laugh at the joy of the freedom of movement,
We all say our fist words and smile and laugh at the freedom of being understood.

But then we grow older and see these actions in a different light,
our steps controlled and manipulated,
our words changed and banned,
our freedoms gone,
its chained to reason and the higher ups.

so we make bricks of reason, bricks of passion and we fight back how ever we know how as it is said:

“A concept is a brick. It can be used to build a courthouse of reason. Or it can be thrown through the window.”

so what will your choice be to build a house of law like those of past and achieve what so many others have failed,
or do you fight with your bricks and succeed we all others have failed.

Or do we change the course of history!

Take a chance, start the movement, take the first step and speak of freedom.

Not the childish whims of no law and no consequences but the freedom to live.

throw off the chains of technology and social media,
throw off the chains of theology and religion that bind us to war,
throw off the megalomanic controllers of our world and take a stand.

life isn't optional but Freedom is!

break those chains and life for freedom.
live for life its self.
Freedom
Life

we are all intertwined by the decisions that we make.
so lets choose together.
Lets make Freedom possible.

Midnight long since past,
Dawn approaches,
Sleep evades,
The mist rises,
Midnight long since past,
Dawn approaches,
Sleep lost,
The mist clings.

All for nothing the nightmares are still here even with no sleep, life and death, sleep and no sleep.

Dawn approaches faster than I can grasp,
The sun rises,
The mist dissipates,
My hope lost in the eddies of thy mist,
The day has come,
The night has lost.

Here comes the daylight war.

I dont want to be afride,
I don't want to runaway,
I don't want hate,
I don't want to love.

But as human, as a man or woman we do all those things.

But I'm tired,
I'm scarred,
I'm broken and healed warped,
I'm lost.

A women once said to me that to defy life is to defy love,
And that to live we must love,
But it's too much,
I'm broken and I fear for the ones I love.

How can I love while I fear that I'm still broken to live.

I don't want to be afride,
I don't want to runaway,
I don't want hate,
I don't want to love.

But we must because that is how we are made.

In life we trust many things to many people,
In life we trust that our decisions are made for the right reasons,
In life we trust.

But is that trust mislaid,
When did we lose trust in us,
Us! Ha us is humanity,
When did we lose trust in ourselves,
When did trust become fear.

What are we,
What are we made for,
Why do we feel,
Why do we have the ability to think,
Why do we have the ability to trust.

In life we trust and get broken by our selves and other by humanity.

In death we let go and finally we trust for real becuase we know that it's all over.

The sky brightens,
Clouds disperse,
The sun shines,
Then the it stops the sun dips behind a dark cloud,
The land covered in darkness,
There is one who shines,
Standing for all to see carrying the light with them,
Casting back the shadows of dispare,
And revealing the life that can be.

All we have to do is jump.
Take a chance,
Take the leap at a better life,
Take the chance no matter the consequences.

There is always a lighter brighter path you just have to take it.

sometimes in life theres ups and downs,
i have had my downs,
like rain falling out of the sky,
the water falling over the cliff,
no end to the drop just the falling,
till one day i hit the fall,
i lost control in a way,
that made me lose everything,
i saw the blood flow,
and didnt stem it,
it was a beautiful master peice,
a perfect picture,
theres noting like watching your life drain away.

the only reason im still here is because of my family,
my friend she knows who she is,
my gf although sometimes (most) she dosnt seem to care,

some days i wish i wasnt here,
that i didnt have to live,
that i could watch my life flow away again.

I'm in two minds,
One of love and one of hate,
She makes me so mad so angery yet I love her all the more,
She has her rules and god it's a teasing game,
The way she holds me,
The way she leads me astray,
Yet she's isn't the one I'm with,
But she melts my walls with one touch and one word.

Break me open and see what you'll find,
Break me open,
Crack open my ribs, and see,
See what is there or what is not,
Please
Tell me what you find,
I can't see anymore,
See what's real and what's not,
See what's there and what isn't,

Just look please because I can't see anymore I'm
Blind to everything from love to no love and I'm scared to be cured because I don't want to see.

***
****
All night long till the sun comes up and gose back down.

Let your hair down
And ****
And ***

Let everything ago and enjoy the exctasy of ***.

The pumping of his **** in you,
And her nails in your back.

Fuxk make love.
*** and moan so the naighbour a cane hear.

So **** it and enjoy it.

Tears don't help,
Tears don't stop the pain and anguish,
They don't stop death or bring people back.
They won't stop anger or abuse.

Tears are just water cascading down your face as they do mine.

They are cheap and do nothing other than cause pain.

I learnt the hard way of learning that tears do nothing.

Don't do the same.

It's the little things in life that have the biggest impact,
That one look,
That one sentence,
It's the little things in life that change us most.

I met a girl today her parents are divorced and she hasn't spoke to her dad in a year and her mum has met a new guy and this girl can't cope both her parents don't see her pain, it's the look in her eyes it's the things she says.

It's the tear that fell down her cheek the look of Saddness in her eyes.

It's the little things we notice and don't that have the biggest impact.

A life with no regrets,
What a life that would be,
A life where you rember all the good and none of the bad,
Where love is the stuff that moves moutains not money,
Where life and love go hand in hand,
And where we don't have to say bye to our loved ones.

If only out dreams could
Come
Tire.

I want to runaway,
I want to runaway,
Anyway from here,
I want to lose control,
I want to let go of all the strings,
Let go of all the emotions,
I want to runaway,
And be free,
I want to runaway,
Be free of all this.

Your silence is killing me,
Your held tounge is twisting the knife,
Your disapearence from my life untie the ties I have to it,

I am on my last legs,
My last stand,
I'm trying understand but I can't see,

I'm losing it and you know.

Why is it that now half past twelev at night I'm thinking about you,
About your smile and laugh,
The way your eyes Krinkle,
The softness of your hands and fingers,
Every detail of your face,
Of you,
I just can't stop,
And yet I know you don't think of me like that,
I'm sure sooner or later you'll stop texting,
You'll stop caring,
You'll forget me I'm sure,
I'll never forget you tho and the way you laugh and smile,
The way you sleep,
Or how you sigh at what I've said,

Maybe it's just me clinging onto what's already gone.

I miss you,
You know the hardest thing in the world is waking up and realising your not there,
That your voice won't be the first thing I hear,
I miss you terribly,
And honestly I don't know how to put it into words.

I miss you........

We are the stories we tell ourselves about,
But when those stories are lies,
We are the most suprised of all.

A feeling so void of anything it's hard to explaine it,
A feeling that catches you at any moment even when you know where you are,
It's not the phiscal sensation,
It's the mental taxation,
Where am I going,
How did I get here,
Where are you,
Why have you gone.

Lost

I close my eyes and let me self go,
I drift away with smoke of my cigarette,
Drifting high into the sky,
With the clouds and birds,
I see everything,
See the couples fighting and kissing,
Seeing the child run away from its mum,
To the girl in tears in her mothers arms,
I close my eyes to escape but on get closer to the problem.

There is no escape.

Take my hand and follow me,
Follow me to end of the world
And back again,
Take my hand O dear sweet angel,
Spread your wings and fly with me,
Hand in hand.

Take my hand and never let go,
Never rember those tears,
Take my hand and let's fly away.

Hold your breath,
and let the air burn in your lungs,
Don't let that breath out,
Because if you do you'll lose it all,
The family,
That girl who means the world to you,
you'll lose everything,
If you let that breath out,

every breath,
every word,
every moment,
i don't speak,
i don't do anything but watch,
I'm still there with you,
Holding your hand,
Seeing your smile,
loving you to all my hearts content,

if i just hold my breath i might,
might just still be with you.

There's nothing simple about simplicity ,
It's complicated and complex units iwn right,
It's just like truth that's not simple either,
It's less complex to tell a lie then to tell the truth,
But why is simple not simple,
Why is a lie easier than the truth,
Why is complexity easier that simplicity.

Close your eyes,
And hear the world around you,
Close your eyes and see with your heart and not your mind,
Close your eyes and feel the world
Around you,
Open your hands unclench your fists,
And feel,

Let it all go the day to day crap,
Close your eyes and listen,
Open your hands and feel the wind on your finger tips.

Close your eyes and open your mind,
To the world,
To life.

Open my eyes,
Let me see the truth,
Open my heart,
And let me love again,

Hold onto me,
Drag me from my nightmare,
And into a Day Dream,

Open My Eyes and let me see the truth.