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Sophia Jun 2
If I combined every girl I’ve ever loved into one holy entity
I’d eat quesadillas in bookstores on Sunday mornings drunk off pink moscato
I’d sing indie music in greek letters in her red mustang
After class, I’d pass notes to her from 8,000 miles away
In airports, she’d try to bargain with the gate agents while holding my hand and her first class ticket
I’d kiss her through her car window, but be too afraid to hold her hand while I’m driving
We’d sneak around but be everyone’s favourite couple
Distance would mean nothing because we were never together
Distance would be crushing because we were never apart
Her hair would get tangled in pink dye and I’d find it in my shower
She’d kiss my forehead but be too short to reach
We wouldn’t have any boundaries, but somehow, we’d cross them
We’d get too carried away and go to Vegas to get married and come back to high school with our mothers’ opal rings
We’d be 19 in Lexington at a grocery store buying pineapple juice to mix with alcohol that she’d be old enough to legally buy on her own
Her dad would buy us wine to drink in a kitchen without a table but with immaculately clean floors
We’d talk about girls that broke our hearts and girls we wish we could have while naked in her dorm room
We’d talk about how we’re the only ones for each other
Six months in and in love
3 years in and deciding we took it too far
One month since we separated and dizzy on the bathroom floor
Sophia Apr 7
There is a fine *** line between self care and immaturity and you're waltzing on it like you waltzed with me but we’ve forgotten about that, haven’t we
Sophia Feb 10
After years of winter trees and folk music
L.L. Bean boots and Patagonia coats
Comfort in cloudiness and muted colors and road trips north
Long brown hair and tortoise shell glasses and clean faces and lichen eyes
After heartbreak and discomfort in what used to make me feel warm,
I met confetti
Pink hair and flashy piercings and bare shoulders framed with bright sweaters
Poppy music and a deep purple mouth
Nothing about her is soft and organic but she is a popped bubble that covers the ground with iridescent laughter and a sugar bomb of genius and wine-stained moans that taste like freedom
It’s like I was standing on the street and confetti fell from the sky and brought with her a parade of finallys
Finally, I am out of the woods where Edison bulbs and pine needles and black coffee in freckled mugs left me to freeze
This is out of my comfort zone, but where else am I supposed to be newly single in my **** 20s?
Sophia Feb 5
How are you?
I thought about you today
About your shoulder and how I leaned on it in embarrassment when I swerved the car onto the wrong street and you stopped breathing for a moment because it was the first time I touched you
Are you doing okay?
I’m thinking about how you told me I have a refreshing personality and how that’s still my favorite compliment
I’m thinking about your laugh and how you cracked up when we talked about My Strange Addiction and the woman that ate couch cushions
You have my favorite sense of humor and I miss it
I’m thinking about how I caught you watching me curl my hair from bed and how you looked like an angel surrounded by the light coming from my windows and my white sheets
Are you eating enough?
I’m thinking about when a waitress walked over and heard us talking about how math made us want to jump off a bridge
We laughed because it probably freaked her out, and I tried to hide under the table
I’m thinking about how long I waited to kiss you
I’m thinking about when I asked to kiss you
I’m thinking about how the next thing I said was "I’m a little shaky"
I’m thinking about how you were too
I’m thinking about how much I kissed you, and how it could never be enough
I remember when you told me that no one had ever kissed you in public
I had plans to
We had plans to
I could be thinking about twirling you through an art museum and kissing you next to paintings of women who aren’t you, but who should be
I wish I could think about climbing the stairs to the bell tower and kissing when the bells started singing
Has anyone done that for you yet?
God, I hope so
How are you?
Give me something
I want to think about someone else
Sophia Feb 5
Tomorrow, I will wake up early
I will walk outside and feel the same sun that lit your eyes through my bedroom windows, and I might be sad
I will get in my car and listen to your playlist, and I might think of you
Tomorrow, I am taking myself to the art museum
I will walk, thoughtfully, through the galleries through which we dreamed of twirling, and I might cry at the art to which you compared me
But I will smile to myself as I imagine the life we almost had, and the lives we will have
Separately, successfully
Tomorrow, the first song we listened to together will be the song I hum in the shower, and it might make my heart hurt
But it might not
You’re a good memory, and if that is all I can have then
Tomorrow, I will happily live with that
Sophia Feb 3
Someone asked about my tattoo in a bar bathroom and I swore she was you
She put her hand on my arm and traced the shapes that you helped heal
I wanted to fall onto her mouth like I fell onto yours
Sophia Feb 1
She was a thrifted sweater and denim and jersey knit sheets
Pizza breath and red wine and toothpaste
Alabaster skin and knotted hair and freckled shoulders
A tangible dream and my favorite good morning
She agreed to let me kiss her and I agreed to let her slip my shirt over my head before she became
Blood and tears
"I trusted you" and "I’m sorry"
Midnight poems and a drunk "I need you"
I’m afraid I loved you like the way I wrote
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