i know these memories with you are the ones i will cherish
for once i have a memory so tangible
that when i look back to smile at it
all the emotions return too
i not only smile at the memory but i relive the entire moment
i will never not be thankful that you entered my life
through the pains and the joys
and the heavens know its been the slowest journey
our friendship
but what a journey it's been

every day, a new memory, a whirlwind of emotion
looking back like flashing images
the day we dashed across the busy road
our legs shaking from laughter
the day you held my hands and put your head to mine and i truly
in that moment i truly understood literature
and what it is meant when people say they feel like
the world has stopped and they are the only one's in it
for that is what happened
and when i see your face it certainly brightens up the room
when you goof around and play your silly games with me
it warms my heart
when we have our inside jokes and we're leaning against
one another trying to hold in our giggles
so that others are not alarmed
when you choose to sit next to me in a room of people and
when you confide things in me

i still don't understand all these feelings coursing through me
but i do understand one thing
you have taken a total eclipse of my heart
i am content with our friendship
and i hope i never lose you

the freedom i felt that day
in a town that was not my home
sitting in a cafe with a girl i had just met
telling each other secrets
i had told no one and she had told everyone

my heart was as liquid as can be
flowing through the gaps of it's cage,
i was free, free, free.

she talked of home and i listened
she listened and i talked of them
and i ate a salad and she ate a soup
and we walked around this little town
sketching all the building and talking
to each other to the locals
and then we bid farewell

i rode the train back to the suburbs
my heart cowered back into its cell
i was trapped once more
for i tasted freedom but i was not yet free

you tell me not to care about what anyone thinks
little do you know i cared the most about what you think

and you threw that away,
you spat in my face

i love people too much
but i won't let them know me
because i'm afraid

that they will love me back

all my life i have been bound by the letter c
how fitting since it seems
to be shaped like manacles
ready to clasp around my wrists
around every corner
every turn i took i found her unchallenged in her rivalry  
she chose to haunt me
down to the colour of my eyes
i could not escape her
she was always there, a shadow in the corner
for have you considered
she cowered in every single line
of this poem, reflected within every word

i smile upon fond memories
but fond memories are all ive got
for youve stolen the key to the doorway
and now alone i rot

i smile upon fond memories
tears dripping off of my chin

i struggle to find my calling
i do not know what it is i am meant to do
yet i have forced myself into spaces where i do not fit
and i pray i that nobody notices
and i pray that i do not break

but call me agnostic because i hear no one answer my prayers