I've been staring at this page
and switching through
my blog & music tabs
trying to find the words
to say this thing
but nothing comes to mind
because no words are strong enough
there are no expressions, no metaphors
to say these things
and how much i miss you
but want to hit you repeatedly as well

what is left after a tornado?
only **** turned upside down
and i'm not afraid to say that
you were always the tornado
and i was always trying to
rebuild myself after you came
and teared me down
sank me to the ground

and for years i've blamed myself
for all the times i cried were
for nothing
because you were absent
you didn't hear me out
and i was left there to bleed
between tears and trashed papers
on my room's cold ground
through winter and summer
because you were ******* gone
you ******

if metaphors could paint me
slamming the door shut and
sliding my back down the wall
dramatically, all dramatic, as if
i was in a movie
that'd be it
me curling into fetal position
and wishing to disappear
me screaming and hitting the wall
with ****** knuckles
because you're still gone and
not coming back.

there's no poetic way to say
that i feel like ****, that i want to
hug you and maybe die a little
drown in alcohol until i'm throwing
up again, like the other night,
and try to forget you and all my pain
that's nothing more than that:
pain.