I've been thinking again. What if what I've thought for as long as I can remember is true? What if the further down the line we get, the less we love. What if you give everything to your first love, and you're scrounging for love like loose change at the bottom of your handbag each time after? I remember what it felt like to be in love, what it felt like to feel like nothing else mattered.
Once you realize that this is the cycle, you're ******. Nothing you do will even come close, nothing you say or do will ever measure up. You will inevitably care less and less. In a way, your first love gives you everything and takes away everything else. And you know I would never let you bask too much in this sadness - So I will tell you this:
While all of this seems ****** and too far gone. There will be love again. You will find someone who treats you the way you deserve and your love will be restored. I think your first and last loves are the most important. Your first love will teach you all that you can give, and all that can be taken away. Your last love will give you everything, expect nothing and take as much as it gives.
I'm only twenty-something and I know now that each person you date will either be the person you marry, or the person you break up with and even though I broke up with her, I know that my heart wasn't in it and maybe it never was.
Maybe I wanted to feel what I felt before, because anything was better than a loveless love. I think tomorrows and yesterdays can ******* up more than the present.
Everyone's always looking back or looking forward, and they never see what's going on right now. They never see that it's going to be okay, or that yesterday will never be the absolute "worst" day of their life. They're letting yesterday's problems ****** who they are because they don't know how to prepare for what's to come. But who even said we have to worry about what's to come? Why can't we just accumulate thoughts and moments and hope that there'll be a reason to share them tomorrow. Why can't people see that it's okay to have a **** week, or month or year. It's not ideal but it's up to you how you pull yourself out.
I think being somebody's yesterday, and another persons tomorrow is what keeps us going in the present. You'll find whatever you're looking for, as long as you don't stop looking.