My mother always told me to keep my shoelaces tied and that there was a time and place for cracking jokes, She taught me to never run up or down the stairs but that scraped knees from trying my hardest were better than clean knees that never tried. My curls were her fault and she showed me that being brave isn't lacking fear, but doing things you're terrified to do. She handed me her genes, the ones she wanted to pass and the ones I took without permission. I've always been an addictive person. My grasp on everything I can get my hands on is far too tight and when people don't stick around it's like my throat closes harder and faster than any asthma attack I've ever had. I'm one to eat 3 popsicles at once because I can't handle only having one and it brings tears to my eyes to know that I'm addicted to such innocent things. My mother always taught me to steer clear of drugs and and anything that could hurt me but one night her warning changed. Instead of insisting I immediately turn away from harm, she gave me the option to try; But not encouraging I do so. She told me if I feel I must indulge, to do so with caution because although far-fetched two too-many popsicles can turn into two too-many drinks and that a simple dose of intriguement can turn into an overdose on *******. It seems almost unbelievable that my future could ever result in such horror but it's just as hard to swallow as hearing my own grandfather is addictive like myself and that my uncle's addictive tendencies lead to his heart frowning and his body going to sleep forever. You think you know yourself because how couldn't you, and you think you know your family but then someone turns on a light and you realize how in the dark you were all this time and when you think about it, running fast and running with purpose doesn't mean you know your destination. There are people who feel so blackened by the world that they throw themselves to the wind, and that is one of the reasons I would rather be the wind. For the only time I would ever have closed arms would be when wrapped completely around something in need of love. I would wrap myself around my father for teaching me that aggression can be something deeper than hate and that sometimes people act out of anger, not lack of love. He taught me how to be upset and how to laugh like crazy and I learned that life is bittersweet and contrast is necessary. I learned from him that people do change and that it may take years, but it is not impossible to grow fond of those you used to fear. I stole his ****** features and his need to work towards patience and his bad habit of never explaining his feelings. He taught me how to feel black and once he re-learned, he taught me how to feel yellow. I want to be a force that paints the world yellow with my warm fingers and sweet breath and I want to be able to surround the ones who love, completely and that is another reason I would rather be the wind.
I found out something that made me think really hard about what I really know in this world.