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Nov 2014
I never thought someone
A girl at the age of 16
Could be filled with so much sadness
Her blood type "D" which stands for depression
Eyes that are bloodshot
Eyes that are filled with a lot of regret
Eyes that has lost hope in everything
Eyes with crushed dreams
Her eyes are so beautiful that used to be filled with happiness
Her eyes heavier than the baggage she carries
But her thoughts are heavier
But she makes an excuse saying she's fine
But she can't escape the thoughts she has on her mind
She smiles away her pain
No one knows that nothing can keep her sane
And she tries
She tries so hard
But she can't go back
Can't go back to who she was before

She had lost her innocence
She lost her innocence when her own father asked her to try & lit a cigarette on her own
And she did
She smoked away her problems
She lost her innocence when skipping one class wasn't such a big deal until it became a habit of doing it everyday
She lost her innocence when the positive attitude she had in life got poisoned by the negative thoughts that her ex best friend had & so it rubbed off on her & now all she got is this negative mentality
For every time she breathes, she breathes in the pessimistic air that had consumed her lungs & gotten to her brain
She lost her innocence when she let herself got attached to people, only for them to walk away
She lost her innocence when taking pills were the only thing that could make her happy
She lost her innocence when she puts her guard down, only for her heart to get broken
She lost her innocence when she let herself fall deeply
She lost her innocence when she tried to fix someone else, that led her to self destruction
She lost her innocence when she first tried alcohol to forget about him, and ***** tasted the same as his lips, tasted like an addiction, habit, and full of regret
She lost her innocence when she first had drugs and it tasted like things were finally going back to normal for once in her life
She lost her innocence when she sent pictures of her body to a boy, to make herself feel better by the compliments he told her
She lost her innocence when she gave everything to him & she let him touch the other parts of her body, to keep him satisfied, happy, & so that he wouldn't leave her
She lost her innocence when she broke her own rules just for him

But she was long gone
Physically alive, but mentally dead
Everything falling apart all at once
Crashing down on her & a person can only take so much pain
And she didn't know what to do & how to make it stop
She didn't know how to stop loving someone who didn't love her anymore
She didn't know how to make her parents stop yelling & fighting from the unpaid bills & she couldn't make her father stop smoking to stop spending all the money on cigarettes, while her mother does all the job
She didn't know how to deal with a goodbye she never got
She didn't know that within a year she could lose someone that meant the world to her
She didn't know that she lost herself too, that a person was able to take her heart & happiness with them
She didn't know that you could meet the love of your life, but doesn't mean you end up with them
She didn't know until now that she was never good enough & is easily replaced
She didn't know she'd be awake in the middle of the night at 16, missing someone that she gave everything to, only to have her efforts wasted
She didn't know that saying "I'm fine" could make others believe her & they did, when she really wasn't

It never occurred to me
An inflicted pain could cause this much damage to one individual
That one person has this much impact to another
That they could have this much power to make you feel like this
That these things could actually happen to her
That her so called best friend would turn back on her & make her feel worthless
That her own parents were fed up & tired of her behavior & eventually she started to believe to the things they made her feel
That no matter how hard she tries
It just won't be the same anymore
Written by
   Asare Yohannes, -elixir- and Erenn
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