I ****** it all up,
I moved too fast.
I tried to be different,
innovative.

They got the college boys,
I got the older men,
And no luxury, just secrecy.
Secrets aren't exciting to me.

I wanted to attend the parties but I was two hundred miles away,
Ridden with anxiety,
Now it's a year later,
And I'm stuck in this routine,
Please help me.

I make art and I watch films and I make myself smile through pathetic realization.
When's the last time I went into the city?
Or someone set my heart on fire?
I don't know and it's killing me.

Where did I go wrong?
I keep asking myself over and over.
I can't find any adventure,
My friends barely exist outside of my own head.
I'm dying inside.