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Oct 2014
During the dark years of my early high school days,
I was a pretty broken-down, emotional kid.
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I use to hate my eyes.
I always wanted to take a fork and gouge'em out.
Just letting it pierce through the tissues and liquids.
Because I hate how it held my emotions in them, my sad background.
I didn't even wanted to look at myself in the mirror, or else I would cry of what I see in them.
I couldn't give eye contacts to people for many years.
I guess, that's when the side bangs came in. So that people wont see my emotions so much.
My bangs became a security blanket since then.
I just really hated the colour of them.
It was nothing but dark grey.
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My hands.
I hated the looks of it.
The eczema, blisters, open flesh wounds, all that ruined for me to show'em.
I hated how it looked too boyish like.
People kept asking me questions of the marks on my hands.
It got to a point that I ended up asking my old man to write a note, so that I can wear gloves in class and school.
So it happened.
The gloves became my security blanket that time, and long sleeves.
I'll just put it out there that I use to cut myself too.
But it wasn't anything severely.
I only have one scar(small) on me, though.
It was a different reason,(don't want to talk about it) I went FULL OUT, used scissors and MY TEETH to tear my flesh(top-below the joint part of my wrist on my left hand, barely visible actually).
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My blonde hair.
That was tough to cover, since obviously it was the MOST VISIBLE to EVERYONE.
Yes,
I got picked-on, being called 'dumb blonde'.
I hate people making stereotypical blonde jokes.
I really wanted to change my hair colour so badly. The only thing that stopped me, was that I got use to seeing myself in that colour, not any other.
So for a while, I had to deal with the blonde jokes. v.v
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~NOW~
I have no problem with my eyes, besides my vision slowly failing me. I can't see things clearly, starting from 5-10 meters away from me. Sometimes it's worse.
Though, I don't have issues doing eye contact anymore, unless if it's guilt or 'unwanted' desires crawl up on me, then I can't look at that person well.
I clip majority of my bangs aside so that I can see more, with style!~ ;)
I just love to see the world now!
I'm pretty visual.
I'm still not crazy about my eye colour, though I'm neutral with it.
It changes from Grey-Blue-Greenish for some reason....
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I don't mind my hands now.
I still got eczema, but it's not so bad now. Now and then I get minor-minor open flesh wounds from blisters.
I love to create stuff with my hands now!
Origami, literature, drawing, artsy-stuff!
I also got work(cashier), so like, I need them....>.>
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My hair.
Now it's the envy of people.
Everyone ADORES the colour of my hair,
DREAMS of having it's texture.
Most of all, they would **** to have it, to be born with it!
Sometimes I make sure it ****** people off, because I know they want to have it! XD
I tell everyone that "It's God's only gift to me."
Of course, now,

IT'S MY CROWN!
Heck, I make blonde jokes to myself now! ;u;
You may hate yourself NOW, ****(teehee) in the future, you'll end up LOVING EVERY BIT OF YOU!~
Believe me~ ^_^
Give it time and experience~
Emily Kaminski
Written by
Emily Kaminski  ~Neverland~
(~Neverland~)   
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