This year marks my seventeenth birthday . But I have 7 times that many scars Some that mar the surface of my skin The uglier ones being the ones buried within That were cut with the shards of glass that fill my lungs as every breath scrapes across the barely beating drum of my heart Creating slicing pain with every pump Drowning from the inside out I'm steadily sinking with each day passing My ears ringing , yet my face smiling Nobody will know I wasn't fine until it's too late
Sixteen years, 5 attempts Three of which came after realizing my dad will never quit Drinking heavily from an aluminum can Making it impossible for us to swim As he drowns his unknowns Covering the floor of this place given the name of a home with a mix of eggshells and scorn that we must walk on Biting my lip so hard that it stings to avoid a lash at my already low self esteem All for simply voicing my opinion On the list of unending responsibilities Thrown at me by parents who play the role of a **** up better than myself Becoming numb to my situation Bottling up the turmoil of emotions, and holding it inside like poison My family determined to keep the illusion of happy We're not. And I can't remember the last time I truly was
I've experienced the pain of a razor blade On and off again since 6th grade I've known Pills, cuts, and knives The pain of Daggers flying from eyes of people who were supposed to love me Judgment coming from the ones who didn't know anything of me Cliches of strength I threw into the faces of ones I loved Could do nothing to degrade the hurt at the words I heard Sixteen years of constant battering, harshly shining the light on the same insecurities I heard countless times before Some being screamed from the other side of my door The truth blurting from people's lips before they even talked to me Hiding the marks not with long sleeves But with a convincing smile and a bubbly personality All the while crying myself to sleep every night, repeating meaningless words to convince myself I'd be alright Because it just had to be true. No one's ever suspected a thing. No one's ever knew
Almost seventeen years. And I can only count on one hand How many people I know who would truly give a **** If I actually had the guts to go through with it all Putting myself out of this hell I've been in ever since I became old enough to see the flaws in everything That involves me and my existence Saying **** it to this way of living If I can't escape it, I won't live it. And sometimes I doubt the chance of me leaving Even though my heart want to hold on to the hope
As I blow out my candles on my cake and make a wish Plastered smile on my face, my head filled with anger, sadness, and guilt I wish that I could ******* disappear And look around at everyone who's happy for me.
This was supposed to be helpful to me. If anything, it made me more depressed.