i showered before i left my house / i took the “god” out of my **** it / i started drinking heavily again / i started dressing nice / i stopped drinking / i watched bad movies on netflix / i gave the arctic monkeys a try / i cried in a field / i felt ok / i started drinking again / i stopped wearing nail polish / i felt comfortable / i wouldn’t sleep / i started making mixes again / i laughed at jokes which weren’t funny / i felt handsome / i wanted to just lay around and talk / i got insecure at times / i felt ok, but more often than not i felt bad