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Sep 2014
Oh, the toxic substance that now flows through my veins,
Incessantly and constantly,
Composing more of myself than the very air I breathe.
Love and lust drive my compulsion,
Trying to hold back the whirlwind of anxiety and depression lurking within.

It is the antidote to the pain I feel,
While also being the very cause of the fever that now courses through my body.
Like modernity it seeks to heal something,
While also destroying something else.
I drown the impulsion to see you,
While also stoking the fire that craves your touch.

I am lost in this sea of chaos,
Marauded in such strange lands full of hope and betrayal.
The memory of you sleeping soundly in my arms soothes my soul,
While the thought of you moaning a strange name seeks to tear it apart.

How I wish to be the man you need me to be,
The man I promised you I would become.
Truth is I am merely a clown trapped in a boy’s body,
Bound to my grief like scars on my arms
Originating from a pit of sorry and anger.

*** helps me rationalize my pain,
Whiskey helps me forget how much I miss you.
Beer allows me to bury my demons deep within,
While wine’s only job is to set them free on me;
Free to haunt my every sober and drunken thought.
Santiago Mendizabal
Written by
Santiago Mendizabal  Dallas, TX
(Dallas, TX)   
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