I’ve become quite adept at hiding the best parts of myself
In my Facebook status, tweets, Instagram photos
You are looking for a reason to justify the attention your mind is giving me
A redeeming quality
A reason to say, “hey…hey I see you there”
“That you inside of you that isn’t so afraid of you”
I see you out there looking for the me you saw that one time
For that thing that made your heart miss for a second
We are playing Where’s Waldo with my confidence
You keep finding all those striped shirt imposters that are my insecurities
I have left littered everywhere
But you forget silly little girl we are not looking for simply a man in a striped shirt
We are looking for a man in a striped shirt and a ridiculous hat
I bought this stupid ******* hat so that you could see me
Clearly this is not the kind of hat one wears at the dockyard
The pier
Or on the farm
Or Time Square
Or the circus
Well maybe the circus
But definitely not at home
Or the zoo
And for sure not on the internet
Every day we are playing two insecurities and a truth
Did I post that picture of my book because I want you to know that I think I’m smarter than I think most people think I am
Or did I just like the book
Is that a picture of my shoes
Or was I just wanting to let you know that I was financially secure enough to take care of myself
Is that a picture of my son
Or just a statement of my ability to commit
Tell me which one of those is the truth
Which one of those would make you go first
I am standing here
In this stupid mother ******* hat
At a shopping mall
In the middle of ******* Minne-*******-sota
Please find me
I know that you have spent a long enough time looking at the parts of me that look just enough like me that you might confuse them for me
But they aren’t the real me
They’re just some self-doubt who bought the same shirt as I did on sale at Costco over Memorial Day Weekend
Please recognize me
Say hi to me
I am really good at saying hi back