A few months ago
I was counting the days
until you left
because your lack of presence
would have been a better present
than the one you didn't give me
for my birthday this year

Every night I would wait
for the day to come
when you wouldn't be near
as if your body was in my bed
pressing down on my chest
until I could no longer breathe

Hating your best friend
will not hurt them
but it will twist your own heart
in ways you never thought possible
and you will pray on stars with fingers crossed
that it might break
or better
stop beating

Absence makes the heart grow fonder
and the tears in our blanket
and the tears in our eyes
have been thoughtlessly mended
with intertwined fingers
in basement bathrooms of bars
we couldn't find again
with a map to guide us

Tomorrow you'll leave me
and move on to adventures
more exciting
than drunk searches
for familiar faces
on streets we could draw perfectly
with blurred vision

I hate to say I'll miss you
and I hate more to see you go
but your darkness was always
darker than mine
and your light was always
too bright for me to look at
so I hope the contrast
of the rainy days and the sunshine
fills you up
in a way nothing else ever has

You were born to fly away
but never given the chance
so I hope you find
that the airplane wings
fit you just right

I hope you accidentally leave
the little broken pieces of yourself
on the cobblestone in London
and in the fountains of Rome
and do not realize it
until you return home

I wish you the best
and the same for myself
because two flowers
cannot grow
in one ***
but if grown separately
they can one day
make a beautiful bouquet