it's not like i didn't expect us not to last forever but it's not like i expected us to end like this either because to me you were the night and we both loved the night it's when we opened up and expressed ourselves, it's when we would talk and i could hear your voice that sent shivers down my spine and caused carvings in my walls, but now those carvings are covered up and i don't know what to do with your name or your clothing because i can't stand to see either of them, it creates a hole in my chest and the heaviness returns, all of the tears come out and honestly i hate it to an unruly extent

i hate how much you mean to me when to you i was always nothing but a parasite,
i hate how much i want you back when you're already moved on and ready to shoot,
i wish you could have loved me
and cared about me

and considered me a lover

because all you did was fill me with lies that led my reality and i can't stand it anymore i can't get out of this ******* reality i wish it was oh so easy to forget about lost loves like it is in the movies but it isn't and it burns words into my soul and cuts calories into my wrists until i feel light again but that lightness is only temporary and when it subsides i can't help but feel alone again i can't help but need you beside me kissing me senseless

but it'll never be like that

it never was

i regret

everything.