Darkness

The floors are wet 

The smell of rusting metal lingers in the air

Am I awake?

I look down at my hands but I cannot see my feet touching the floor
.
For gods sake
Is this real?

My worst nightmare is you

My lips pressed against your mouth as the tip of my tongue slides against yours
Yet I cannot touch you. 

Like my hands are bound behind my back except these ropes are made of my own skin
 and flesh
And there was guilt rotting in the bottom of my stomach 

Because I shouldn’t be dreaming of you anymore but as I close my eyes it’s not you on my mind
It’s her

It’s her lashing out at my best friend because she’s drunk again and bad memories are back

The blood on her knuckles and the tears rolling down her face scares me to death because I know this is not her but I've seen it before
It’s watching her walk away from me because she can’t handle having to see my bones crack and my soul seeping out through my skin like the black tar covering my lungs

It’s her having to watch me breakdown

It’s her having to see me when I can’t even bring myself to get out of bed

It’s her having to see me leave because I don’t know what’s good for me 


It’s her having to see me with him.