in stirrups. first time.
He approaches, promising
to move his fingers around gentle
I feel a dark rain crying
in my stomach.


I ask if it'll hurt, he says a bit
of discomfort. the instrument
thumbs up into me
like an alien tap.
What if he slices something?
The point is not that he won't but that he could.


He tells me to spread my legs as wide as shark jaws...
It is his business to see everything. But I don't want anyone to
document that I am not head-to-toe gorgeous-smooth
nor a fresh nature slice of honey and flower petals.
I am making a big deal but can't help but
feel like black mold in spaghetti sauce.
My ****** sits in a forest
like a lumpy, tree stump.
It is ghoulish pink-purple  
against his medical hands.
It sits like a slug, just terrifying
in the cold air.
Glamorous *** depictions popped to dust
like a scary, fat balloon.


After the exam
I feel as though I am covered in paint.
I walk the jungle streets home
People dashing and crashing in spins,
all squeals and barks.
eating and ******* side-by-side in restaurants
men spraying their salty juices, women spraying theirs
it makes me sad but I can only see them as animals
sealing their nasties behind cotton.
Why can't I remember what it feels like
to be a precious, little girl again...


I let out a cow's moan
It's been a while since
I've known that I am a diamond.
my fur and dirt along with my baby-heads for *******
and genitals all a gush
swinging and sweating about
under the probing sun
of God's unfeeling expression.