I never wanted to describe this
Thick brushstrokes bleeding onto paper
Vain attempts to grow through the holes,
the pulsating mess of me

you built a garden with your lies
buds of peach blossoms plump with meaning
spring green with promise, I
inhaled for the longest moment, eyes closed
dreaming of the years,
how time would sing soft petals open
tripped and fell upside down, out of the clouds
into a war zone  echoing songs of another time

sour nectar dripping from rotting branches
tell me again how
could your fingers have moved
so gracefully in a pattern that
sent your lust to her
what didn't I have
what couldn't I have done

the filth of you,
not in the content, but in the design
in the breaking of rules
the violation, the dismantling of walls
the desecration of words meant for me, not for all of them
Pretty girl, pretty girl
such a pretty girl
I was in love with a parroting fool
I am sick
make it stop

unable to let go of our rusty railings
no one bothered to tell me which ship you were sinking
swallowed by dark waters to I don't know where
holding tight to the same hand that led me
down so many dark paths

how do I
explain where my heart has gone
when you have salted the earth of my garden
since the day it was planted
how do I kiss you when the wind passes
through your hollow chest, taking my love with it
leading me blindly to the slaughter or pasture
didn't matter,
as long as she paid you

how do I say
that sorry doesn't feel the same
that collapsed temples don't rebuild
they disappear beneath the earth
that it can never be as sacred as
peach blossoms and no one else