I walk around everyday lost in the past, like reading a ******* history book trying to learn of people from the past. I can never understand how other people think. No matter how hard you try and find the solutions for other peoples problems and honesty and sinceraly want to help them. Whether it is for love, money, friendship, or simply wanting to do the right thing. And even when we do our very best to help and get hurt in the process, for some reason we always come back for more as if the pain inside of us is blinded by the new distraction of you will. I call it that because 9 times out of 10 it seems that the people you are trying to help act as if they want it but then run when it is given. We jump blindly of cliffs to our own doom. We do it so ******* willingly that it becomes second nature.We do our best to protect those we care about or want to care about and the world has a way of saying go **** yourself. And when we take that plunge we hit the ground landing on jagged rocks fragementing into a million pieces. And as time goes on our minds and hearts pick up whats left and piece back together into what we lie to ourselves and call a new and better person. But it is exactly that, we are not a new or better person we are just more learned on the fact that not everything in life is free and the very sad fact that you will cry by yourself far more times than you will laugh with the one you care about. You will learn that there is no perfect relationship, there is no such thing as a soul mate. These are fantasies and dreams we make in our minds so that we can have some glimmer of hope that not everything is lost. That not everything we do in our lives will bring pain and confusion to our lives. So again we decive oursleves. Nothing ever good happens to its too late. We make a million mistakes in the process of trying to do one good thing. Those odds are proven time and time again. And it is not until a friend lays out our mistakes and can sympathize with them do we realize how stupid we have been and like a collision of truth slams into us and wrecks our whole ****** day. Draining us of our last drop of blood, pulling that last fragment of care from our hearts which is already in a million pieces on the floor as the world walks on past crushing the fragments beneath the wieght of the past and it becomes harder and harder to ever believe that anything will get better with time, people never change, they are what they are, and no matter how much you may be willing to change for them...the sad truth is you will never change, and they will never accept you if you do.