Jul 2014
him. its just
You said that you had learnt how to be happy and smiled at me with a glass of red wine on the counter, and for a moment I ignored its colour,
and just believed you.
her. its just
That if things are okay why aren't they the same, and if things are okay then why is he here, why did he come back,
and if you are okay then why is the bathroom sink always clogged with the pills you refuse to take.
she. its just
You know that when I say I am staying at a friends, its a lie, because i have none, and you know sometimes I wake up in the dark and don't know where I am, and you know some of the pills in the cupboard are mine,
but you never ask.
his. its just
He loves him like I never knew was possible, and its only now I am realising that I never knew love, never from you, and yes I will say it I will
you were a bad mother.
hers. its just
That I want out of this, I really do, because I have been out once before and now I know that there is a world, that there is more than the way this family works and I have seen the way other people think this family doesn't work
and I want to go see if I can do better.
them. its just
Another time for him to get mad at me and you don't understand that, you don't listen and I beg and beg you to, because I need it.
And when you get mad at him, you don't understand the things he does to me afterwards and I can't do it, it has to be over.
Please leave before he does.
us. no
no I will not leave, no I love you, he does not, and I am never leaving
Not until you are safe.
theirs. its not
Just anything; its us, and we will keep it and look after it and maybe our therapists won't think its very 'healthy' and maybe your mother will yell at me again and complain to your aunt on the phone
But its not just anything; its ours.
You said that you had learnt how to be happy and smiled at me with a glass of red wine on the counter, and for a moment I ignored its colour,
and just believed you.
her. its just
That if things are okay why aren't they the same, and if things are okay then why is he here, why did he come back,
and if you are okay then why is the bathroom sink always clogged with the pills you refuse to take.
she. its just
You know that when I say I am staying at a friends, its a lie, because i have none, and you know sometimes I wake up in the dark and don't know where I am, and you know some of the pills in the cupboard are mine,
but you never ask.
his. its just
He loves him like I never knew was possible, and its only now I am realising that I never knew love, never from you, and yes I will say it I will
you were a bad mother.
hers. its just
That I want out of this, I really do, because I have been out once before and now I know that there is a world, that there is more than the way this family works and I have seen the way other people think this family doesn't work
and I want to go see if I can do better.
them. its just
Another time for him to get mad at me and you don't understand that, you don't listen and I beg and beg you to, because I need it.
And when you get mad at him, you don't understand the things he does to me afterwards and I can't do it, it has to be over.
Please leave before he does.
us. no
no I will not leave, no I love you, he does not, and I am never leaving
Not until you are safe.
theirs. its not
Just anything; its us, and we will keep it and look after it and maybe our therapists won't think its very 'healthy' and maybe your mother will yell at me again and complain to your aunt on the phone
But its not just anything; its ours.
Things that all the people I see on the bus need to say, all the 'its justs' that are really so much more than that, the things you won't say without crying, so please, breathe; and say them and keep saying them until somebody listens.
