I'm mad at you because you left me,
I still had lessons to learn which you didn't teach.
You left me when my wings were barely open
Or hardened by the sun.
You left me before I realised I had questions,
About life, about men.
You left me before I knew about grief,
Yet taught me it at the same time.
I didn't know who I was,
I wasn't the girl in the photograph anymore,
wrapped in the sanctuary of family and familiarity.
Now I was a girl who men would leave or deceive,
Now I was a girl running from the wolves
Always scared inside trying to wear shoes too big
With resources too small.

I painted you a picture, it was a Masai warrior,
I wanted you to be like him, strong, undefeated.
As a child i sat on your knee whilst you taught me ******* a lion-
"Put your arm down his throat and grab his tail,
then, whip him inside out.".... I believed you!
But you couldn't **** a lion could you?
When death came for you, you held his hand.
My painting was rejected from the sterile confines
Of intensive care, along with my scared mind.
I propped it on top of a cabinet and dreamt,
Dreamt that the bat who flew in and rested upon it
Was your soul coming to tell me you were still around.
But you weren't, were you.

I saw you in my dream as you descended the subway stairs,
I couldn't catch up, you turned and waved, I never saw you again.
You trapped me in a moment in time where I would always be,
Scrabbling a wall I cannot climb when the enemy approaches,
without your protection - child to adult with your last breath.
I wasn't ready to live life with a dagger in my heart.
I'm mad at you, you left me!