I haven't been able to eat today when I think about the situation I'm in and how everything is playing out.

Life is just a stack of cards now; people play it off while I get turned and flipped over. It's like go fish with my similar experiences occurring differently yet eerily the same every time.

I feel like I'm clawing myself from the inside out, starting from the lining of my stomach and slowly ripping apart through the cells that line the tissue; and maybe I want to claw myself until I can no longer feel anything, if feeling anything is this dangerous.

I'm not mad and I'm not sad; I've ripped though every emotion I could face. I'm not weak and I'm not strong; I'm just here, body and flesh but no soul. I empathise but rarely take sympathy in return. I don't need people's pity remarks; they can't change it.

I guess I just have to keep on clawing until I become so weak I can't even do that. Maybe then I will be at peace.