tonight she threw away those photos of you that i took
on that film camera i bought in orlando
she tossed me my pile of developed photos
i knew the photos of you were missing
and she insisted that she didn't take them away
but i insisted that she did
and she did
and she cracked and told me that she did
in a weak attempt to censor my memories
after censoring every other aspect of my life
she censored my friendship and love and now
she tries to take away my memories of you
but they still linger despite her attempts
and yes, of course i still think of you
i think of those photographs i took
and the time we sat and stared at the ceiling
and the time you held me while i felt close to death
it was nice
i could never forget any of it
but i wish i could at least have those pictures
i want as much of you as i can get now
even if it means that those photos are all i could ever know of you again
because i don't see you anymore the way i used to
i think of you and i smile
wondering if you think of me anymore
and if you do
then do you think of me with a smile
do you still have the photos you took of me
i just wish i could have the one i took of you
you were smiling
you were happy
you were fine
and i was happy and fine, too
i just wish i could have a reminder
of the way it felt
the moment i pressed down on that button
and saw a bright light before my eyes for an instant