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Mar 2014
Well...

So things have gotten pretty interesting these last couple months. I learned a lot. I learned that i had lacked faith and faith and trust in my own self.

...The internet, your friends, and your family can only provide you with opinions and suggestions from their own lifestyle and projections. Just how i can suggest and provide an opinion with my own lifestyle and projection...

But do you know yourself...

.... this whole light workers ascension thing scared the **** out of me...

I had no idea i was so sensitive to everything...

But im not angry about that because it brought me to a better place...

.. i took the idea of me changing to an extreme...
that extreme meaning that everything i used to do was false, and everything i would try to do would be worse...

i stopped everything from sleeping a certain way, to eating a certain way, to speaking a certain way.. it cause an extreme anxiety...

i let the opinions of others define me..

and all i would do was wrap myself more and more into a drama that was falsely created in my head...


this is who i am...

My name is Alexa Oliveira. I am 21 years old. I love people, and people love me.

I am an empath.. which means i feel other peoples feelings, energies, and sometimes may pick up on their thoughts...

Their are ways which i had to learn this year about.. to help in keeping my own personal energy safe and not allowing myself to be drained by others...
such as grounding and shielding myself....

There was a great shift that occurred just recently. This shift was like a wave of supplemental change for all people, it hit me unexpectedly and causing an increasing amount of depression and anxiety.

I broke up with my boyfriend, i wallowed in a pity party for myself, and even got to the point where i started to believe i lost it..



Here's the truth....

I am currently depressed, and experiencing anxiety about my future.

I began taking a anti-depressant today. My family and friends are opinionated on it and i don't blame them..

I was a major non anti-depressant and anti-anxiety medication person for a while.. if i felt upset i would just smoke ****... or drink.. or call a friend...

This is first time ever in my life that i felt like i couldnt control my thoughts.. i mean i was meditating i was relaxing or "trying" to relax.. but i couldnt.. it made it worse.. all i would do was run in circles...  

I spent more time worrying and wondering what other people thought about my situation.. instead of just letting it ride out or "going with the flow"... my therapist didnt want me to go on medication.. she wanted me to pretend like i was on vacation and that i wouldn't make any major decisions... to just breathe and allow...

Well lady, that's been tough...

See heres the thing.. im accelerating faster then a lot of people... so its harder for me to just stay in one zone and assume and or be patient...

my goals now though however are to remove the need to discuss with other people my current situation...

Nobody knows me.... nobody knows my feelings.. you cant diagnose me..

you cant tell me what i am or who i am...

God knows me...

It really is back to basics...

it really is rebuilding.. and allowing myself to have these feelings...

Look, im depressed. I know it.. i miss my mother.

But everything happens for a reason.

And i know that being on  an antidepressant doesnt mean im not going to cry anymore or think anymore...

But this antidepressant im on will definitely help with my anxiety that ive been having..

Im looking to while im on this medication to continue exercising, spending time with friends.. trying new things.. and meditating and doing yoga..also therapy has been quite helpful..
I made a promise to myself that if it self or depression related i would only discuss it with my therapist and doctor..

The world doent need to know my feelings, and i dont need to know the worlds feelings..

Right now i need to accept myself, and accept alexa....

Im not maniac, im not bipolar, im not ill, or "sick"

im literally going through a life process, a process in which i dont understand...

And that's alright... i'm totally comfortable with not getting it...

I have to be...

This is gods plan right..

my thing is having this medication will stabilze me to begin building my routine.

Rome wasnt built in a day even  these chemical suckers take time.. but i wouldnt say no to some chemical serotonin... especially since

i began to notice in myslef.. the negative aspect in me was really prominent...

This is a time of self love an acceptance...

Im not even mad that i looked for help...

But all i can do is focus on today..the now.. and allow life to proceed as it wishes...
Alexa Oliveira
Written by
Alexa Oliveira  Finland
(Finland)   
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