build walls of dark blue sweaters and sweet frosting
tell yourself that the arms that bind you are safety
tell yourself that you deserve the quiet
i am a mistake
i am born of skewed accusations and dusty windowpanes
the words that keep slipping through my lips dictate that this end is the one that i belong to
my bones belong to the silence, and i to the ground.
this is my last call.
you are so strong, stronger than i ever was. it's been the best part of my life watching you grow, and i hope you learn from all my mistakes. give the bunny kisses for me.
i can picture how your face will contort the same way i can picture the flowers. with this hand i'm ruining all the chances you had for success, and for that i apologize.
m & i,
you beautiful souls. it was because of you that i made it so far out there. i miss you every single day, and it's because i love you so that i had to leave. you deserve the lives ahead of you.
why did you have to hurt me so much? i was only ever trying to please you. i'm sorry that i kept making so many mistakes. i can't say that i forgive you for all of yours quite yet, but know that this is not your fault.
you are the brightest face on this planet, and i love you so much. my sweet little baby girl, don't lose your light. don't let them break you.
i was done for from the start, and i'd be lying if i said that i couldn't see the way i held so much hope for you. back then, i never thought it'd end like this. i wish i could kiss myself out of your memory. i'm so sorry.
you are the last thing that's making it hard to loosen my fingertips. please try not to cry. you are my best friend, and you've helped me stay strong for nineteen beautiful years. but it's time to go.
i want you to remember how my eyes were. please don't forget my silly jokes and unwanted questions. hold them close to your heart and be grateful that the girl you love is now safe. then, please, let me go.
february 14th, 2014.